Arnold the pig is the smartest character on the show.

Never trust Mr. Haney.

Never hire Alf & Ralph to fix up your house.

Eb will never be invited to join Mensa.

Lisa will never be invited to join Mensa.

Wearing fancy evening gowns around a farm is not practical.

In Hooterville, words will appear in whichever room you're in - literally!!

Never eat Lisa's cooking - especially the hotscakes!!

Whenever you wax philosophical or political, music may start playing behind you! :lol:

Before purchasing a home, make sure that it has electrical, water, and phone service.

The hot spot in Hooterville is Drucker's Store

Ag-Agents are very forgetful

Hired hands live in barns & are always wanting a raise

Never buy an old farm sight unseen!! :eek: :lol:

Animals really do watch TV (Arnold)

Closet doors can be tricky to open & close

Before marrying your wife, make sure she can cook, even if "the rest of you makes up for it"

You forgot the most important one: it's the place to be! :)

The second you reach the top of the pole, the phone will stop ringing. :lol:

Don't volunteer as pickle-barrel watcher.

Lisa is no Julia Childs (lol)

IMHO, send Arnold to MENSA!

Don't trust your electric meter, especially if it runs without being hooked up.

Lisa is no Julia Childs (lol)

IMHO, send Arnold to MENSA!
Make him the PRESIDENT of Mensa!! :rofl:

-Lonely, childless farm couples get really close to their pigs! (Get your minds outta the gutter)
-Never buy a farm from a salesman who carries his entire inventory on a broken-down, antique truck
-Lawyers make lousy farmers
-Make sure the local phone service reaches your farm HOUSE, before buying the place
-HOOTERVILLE meant something completely different in the 60s, than it does now :lol:

While hotcakes may not be the best things to eat, they have a myriad of practical uses, from propping up tables to forming automotive head gaskets.

Never Let your electrical appliances exceed 11!:D

A 21-cannonball salute is never a good idea. :eek: :lol: