What are some of your favorite quotes or lines from TBNS? No episode name is necessary - just the quote or line -

Here's one to start:

Howard says, "Do you think I should be buried, or cremated?"

Emily's reply, "Howard, I always thought you should be bronzed."

^ Actually, Bob was the one who said Howard should be bronzed.

How about Bob's trip to the ice cream parlor, when John Ritter sings to him: Single scooper, single scooper, this man is a party pooper!

The Peeper: I love working with kids. The way I figure it, Bob, the kids of today are the adults of tomorrow.

Bob: Chicago before dawn. My kind of town. It may be a sleeping giant now, but soon it will awaken to become the crossroads of America.
Emily: Can it, Bob.

Jerry: (selling Thanksgiving raffle tickets) Hey, Elaine, how about taking a chance on a turkey?
Elaine: No thanks, Jerry, I don't want to go out with you!

Jerry: Gimme a W!
Bob: W.
Jerry: Gimme an M!
Bob: M.
Jerry: What do you got?
Bob: Wm.

Bob: Larry, what are you doing here?
Larry: I just came by on my lunch hour to help out Big Red.
Mrs. Bakerman: Who’s Big Red?
Larry: Oh, that’s what I call Carol. She has red hair.
Mrs. Bakerman: Isn’t that nice? My brother, Carlisle, used to call his wife Big Red. Of course, she was a Communist.

I also love Howard & Jerry's argument over who gets to put the angel on the top of the tree in the fourth season Christmas episode. Howard says, "the one year I didn't, the Korean War broke out!" :lol:

And finally, who can forget "Norman Borden, the Mormon Doorman"? :rofl:

The "WM" quote is classic. Actually, that whole ep. is hilarious. I also like this, from the ep. w/ Ruth Corley:

Carol:Sister So-and-so [can't recall the name right now] called. She wants to know if you'll go 50/50 on a hitman.

:lol:

And when Bob is talking about how one of his old girlfriends could've been a great artist, but she took the easy way out and "became a....school," instead of schoolteacher, b/c he knew Emily would kill him.

The "WM" quote is classic. Actually, that whole ep. is hilarious. I also like this, from the ep. w/ Ruth Corley:

Carol:Sister So-and-so [can't recall the name right now] called. She wants to know if you'll go 50/50 on a hitman.

:lol:

And when Bob is talking about how one of his old girlfriends could've been a great artist, but she took the easy way out and "became a....school," instead of schoolteacher, b/c he knew Emily would kill him.
Sister Mary Catherine wanted to go 50/50 on a hitman. Hilarious!! :lol:

Congressman Avery: I hope you remember that (voting) when you close the curtains on Tuesday November 4th.

Howard: Well, I can't close my curtains. My plants will die.

Remember Mrs. Loomis, Bob's former patient who was also the candy striper when he was in the hospital getting his tonsils out on Christmas Eve? Bob was all grumpy and she said, "Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge!!!" The line itself really isn't funny but her delivery is priceless. :lol:

"I am strong"

"I am invincible"

Jerry: "You are woman."

I forget who said the first line or two, but it was Jerry that finished it. Of course, this was a phrase from a song of the 70s....Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman (Here Me Roar)"

I am strong

Howard: Is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?

I also loved the Jerry Robinson Trio's rendition of "Good King Wenceslas" at the Christmas office party in Season 2. The trio consisted of Jerry, Dr. Tupperman and Dr. Tetzi. Dr. Tetzi was played by Gene Blakely, who also played Darrin's drinking buddy Dave in several episodes of Bewitched.

Howard: Can I watch your television?

Emily: Is yours broken?

Howard: No, but my fridge is. I don't like watching television without something to eat.

This isn't a quote, but Howard's card trick (throwing the deck against the wall) was too hilarious. I don't know how Bob Newhart and Suzanne Pleshette got through that scene without dissolving into laughter - they kept perfectly straight faces!! :lol:

Congressman Avery: I hope you remember that (voting) when you close the curtains on Tuesday November 4th.

Howard: Well, I can't close my curtains. My plants will die.
:rofl:

I was just watching Mr. Emily Hartley and this scene was always one of my favorites:

Bob: Ever since I found out what our IQs are..well I think it's effecting our marriage.
Emily: What do you mean by that?
Bob: Marriage is a wedding between..
Emily: Oh Bob I know what marriage means, but what's it got to do with us, we've got a perfect marriage.
Bob: Emily, a perfect marriage is when the husband and the wife have the same IQ.
Emily: Bob, it is not important.
Bob: Next to perfect is where the husband's is higher than the wife's.
Emily: Bob! Forget it!
Bob: Third, is where the wife is 1 point higher than the husband's.
Emily: Please, Bob!
Bob: And, the fourth, which is us, which is the worst, is where the wife is 151 and the husband is 129 which is a difference of uh....uh..
Emily: Twenty-Two

^ :rofl: That's hilarious...and that certain episode has commentary on the DVD by Bob Newhart, Marcia Wallace and co-creator David Davis. Bob mentioned that that was one scene executed just perfectly. :rofl:

I'm bumping this thread up, b/c I can't believe no one's mentioned this classic bit from "Guaranteed Not to Shrink."

Bob (talking about an old girlfriend):She gave up art to do something she could've done in her sleep. She became a school-
Emily:She became a school?!
Bob:Well, she only thought she was a school. She was really a bank.

That entire scene is too good. And Suzanne Pleshette did such a good job. I love how she says "She became a school?!" Also the entire scene where Howard shows Bob how he flies.

Howard:Bob, do you want to see how I fly the plane?
Bob:Better here than in the air.

:lol:

"A school, Bob?" Suzanne Pleshette looked like she was trying not to lose it when she delivered that line. That is indeed a great line. :lol:

Yesterday I watched an episode from the 3rd season called "The Battle of the Groups" where Bob takes 2 of his therapy groups for a marathon retreat. So the groups decide they both want to go on the retreat and Mr Vickers says "Well I don't. I'm too old to put a number on my back and dance until I drop."

It's a funny line, but it's not the funniest line I've heard on The Bob Newhart Show. What makes it so funny is the way it's delivered by Lucien Scott who played Mr. Vickers.

Yesterday I watched an episode from the 3rd season called "The Battle of the Groups" where Bob takes 2 of his therapy groups for a marathon retreat. So the groups decide they both want to go on the retreat and Mr Vickers says "Well I don't. I'm too old to put a number on my back and dance until I drop."
:brent I loved Mr. Vickers. He was so mean and grumpy...he even made Mr. Carlin seem happy and cheerful. :eek: :lol:

"A school, Bob?" Suzanne Pleshette looked like she was trying not to lose it when she delivered that line. That is indeed a great line. :lol:
I so agree. Suzanne deserved some sort of Emmy just for getting through that bit. LOL. A lot of TBNS scenes are like that, esp. most of "Over the River and Through the Woods"! ;)

I so agree. Suzanne deserved some sort of Emmy just for getting through that bit. LOL. A lot of TBNS scenes are like that, esp. most of "Over the River and Through the Woods"! ;)
There's even commentary on that episode, "Guaranteed to Shrink". Of course, there is also commentary on "Over the River..." as well. Both classics. :cool: :D

I know. I have seaso 4, and I watched it recently. I still need to get the others.

I know. I have seaso 4, and I watched it recently. I still need to get the others.
You'd better!!! :D

Mr. Peterson: "You helped us all in every way." Mr. Carlin: "You got inside our head" Michelle: "And that is why we 'd like to say" Carol (enters in a hurry): "Mr. Gianelli's dead" Mrs. Bakerman: "Well that rhymes."

LOL!!!! One of the funniest lines and scenes not only TBNS, but in TV history!!!! I die of laughter every time I see that episode!!!

More Classics:

Howard: (talking real nervous and fast comes running into the apartment) "Bob!!! Emily!!!! These tiles won't stick down!!"

Than one of them says, "Howard, slow down!"

Howard: (talking slow)" B--o----b, E----m---i--l--y, t---h---e---s---e t--i---l--e--s w--o--'n--t s--t--i--c--k d--o--w--n!"

Than Emily shows Howard how to peel back the title so that the sticky surface shows!!! LOL!


The Nutty Temporary Receptionist, Debbie!!! My Favorite Guest Star!

Jerry: "Now is everything clear in your mind Debbie?"

Debbie: "Oh yes!!! And I want to thank you for having me back again. I was here once before wasn't I?"

Jerry: "Yes, and I'm glad you were available."

Debbie: "Oh I'm always available unless I'm busy someplace else!

Jerry: "Good! I'll remember that."

Debbie: "One thing though Dr. Robinson, I've been noticing that these typewriter keys don't seem to work."

Jerry: "See that's an electric typewriter, you have to turn it on."

Debbie: "Of Course! (She starts picking up things on her desk like she's looking for something) Where did I put my brain this morning!!!!?"

Bob comes in off the elevator

Debbie: "How are you Dr. Ryan!!!!?"

Jerry: "Bob you remember Debbie?"

Bob: "I remember her, but I don't think she remembers me, I'm Dr. Hartley."

Debbie: "Would you like a cup of coffee Dr. Ryan?"

Bob: "Sure"

Debbie: "I'll get it for you right away!" (She heads toward the elevator!)

Bob: "There's a coffee machine right over there!!!"

Debbie in the elevator (as the door closes) "Oh! Good!!!"

Hahahahahahahaha!

Jack

Debbie was hilarious but I would never want to work with her. :eek: :lol:

(From the one where Bob takes Emily & his patients on an airplane)

Stewardess - "I am now going to point out all the emergency exits, if you have any problems at all during our flight just press the stewardess call button located in the panel directly above your head."

(All Bob's patients starting pressing the call buttons)

(From the Thanksgiving episode where the guys have been drinking and Bob is trying to order take-out)

Bob - "I want to order some Moo Goo Gai Pan.... and some more Moo Goo, Goo Goo."
Jerry -"He said Moo Goo, Goo Goo."
Howard - "That's right, you said Moo Goo, Goo Goo."
Bob -"Well maybe I'm ordering Chinese baby food."

There was an episode in which Bob had his office desk sent out to be repaired and instead they mistakenly sent back an organ. Carol comes in to work and without missing beat says "Oh good, the organ's here.".

Jerry: "Howard, take my advice: Don't go near any woodpeckers this afternoon. On second thought, do."

Herb Hartley: "...a twelve pound catfish." Howard: "What kind of mice did you use for bait?"

Carol: "Oh Jerry that's a low blow." Jerry: "I know. It's my specialty."

Jerry: "I happen to be quite a catch."
Carol: "So does the swine flu."

Emily & the delivery guy funny lines.

A Bob line from Over the River and Through the Woods:

A Howard & Bob quote:

A Bob, Jerry & Howard line/quote:

A Bob, Jerry & Howard quote/lines:

"Desperate Sessions" - where the bank robber holding Bob hostage and threatening to shoot him if he tries a karate move on him asks him to call Teresa, a diner waitress he's infatuated with, and to tell her, "I did it all for her . . . "

Bob: "Yes, can I speak to Teresa? . . . Big Teresa or Little Teresa? Oh, uh, Little Teresa, I guess . . ."

Robber: "No, no, Little Teresa is the bus boy!"

:lol:

And when the robber agrees to surrender, Bob asks him for his weapon, and he produces . . . a comb! And he says, "I hate violence . . . It's not loaded!" :rofl:

"Well," Bob replies, "in, in that case . . .

"KEE-YAH!!"

:rotflmao:

Jerry: (to Carol)"What's the worst thing in the world?"
Carol: "I know, you're gonna criticize my coffee."
Jerry: "Okay, what's the second-worst thing in the world?"

Jerry: "Imagine an orthodontist with no teeth."
Carol: "Like a bald barber. Or a one-legged tap dancer."

Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?

Martha: "Oh I suppose nobody's going to stuff that cornucopia."
Herb: "Why don't you stuff it, Martha?"

Bob: "We always believe in food."

"Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Unhappy with Emily's choice of marriage counselor] Emily, I thought you were supposed to find someone neutral.
Emily Hartley: I did.
Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: She's a woman!
Emily Hartley: That's right, Bob. I said neutral, not neuter."

.

Emily: "Bob, I think I'll make you some coffee."
Bob: "I love coffee."
Jerry: "I love tea."
Mr. Carlin: "I love the java jive and it loves me."

Emily: "Bob, if you're going to write an anonymous note, don't use personalized stationery."
Bob: "I wasn't going to sign it."

Mr. Peterson: "You helped us all in every way."
Mr. Carlin: "You got inside our head."
Michelle: "And that is why we'd we like to say -- "
Carol: (bursts in)"Mr. Gianelli's dead."
Mrs. Bakerman: "Well, that rhymes."

Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?

The therapist likes to mock silly clients it's well deserved. E mail me to discuss show eve0715@aol.com

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
Howard?

Howard Borden:
Yeah Bob?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Asking if he's predictable] Would you call me a fuddy-duddy?

Howard Borden:
Okay... you're a fuddy-duddy! Ha-ha-ha!

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
No ,Howard... do you think I have trouble dealing with changes?

Howard Borden:
I mean ,I know I have a lot of changes going on in my life right now ,the are a lot of changes going on in the world. You know ,cities change & values change. The whole universe is expanding.

Howard Borden:
You think that's bad? They've got a new emcee [M.C] on 'Bowling For Bucks'.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Sounding concerend] They keep going.

Howard Borden:
Take things in stride Bob. Go with the flow ,go with the flow.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Nodding in agreement,shrugs] Go with the flow.

Emily Hartley:
[Door buzzer rings ,Emily comes out] I'll get it ,must be the pizza. [Gets money from Bob] Honey? Ah... thank you. [Pays man] Oh ,thank you... keep the change.

Howard Borden:
[Overjoyed and eager to eat] OH BOY! PIZZA! PIZZA! OH BOY ,OH...

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Gives command ,as if to a dog] No! You,heel! Heel Howard!

Emily Hartley:
Well ,here we are gentlemen ,one #7 pizza!

Howard Borden:
[Still very happy] #7! That's my favorite pizza in the whole wide world!

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Looks at pizza] That isn't #7 ,it's got anchovies on it!

Emily Hartley:
[Reading paper flyer on box] Well ,they've got a new menu. They have anchovies on #7 now.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Disgusted] I hate anchovies!

Howard Borden:
[Calm ,then very upset] They changed my favorite pizza. [pause ,then odd yell] Aaaah! [Stumbles around] I can't breathe ,open a window! I'm getting vapors,I'm getting vapors! I'm getting hives! I'LL SUE ITALY! [Leaving out the apt. door] AAAaahh!

Emily Hartley:
[Bewildered by Howard's reaction] What 'is' the matter with him?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Calmly] Emily, you have just seen a man go with the flow.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
Howard?

Howard Borden:
Yeah Bob?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Asking if he's predictable] Would you call me a fuddy-duddy?

Howard Borden:
Okay... you're a fuddy-duddy! Ha-ha-ha!

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
No ,Howard... do you think I have trouble dealing with changes?

Howard Borden:
I mean ,I know I have a lot of changes going on in my life right now ,the are a lot of changes going on in the world. You know ,cities change & values change. The whole universe is expanding.

Howard Borden:
You think that's bad? They've got a new emcee [M.C] on 'Bowling For Bucks'.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Sounding concerend] They keep going.

Howard Borden:
Take things in stride Bob. Go with the flow ,go with the flow.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Nodding in agreement,shrugs] Go with the flow.

Emily Hartley:
[Door buzzer rings ,Emily comes out] I'll get it ,must be the pizza. [Gets money from Bob] Honey? Ah... thank you. [Pays man] Oh ,thank you... keep the change.

Howard Borden:
[Overjoyed and eager to eat] OH BOY! PIZZA! PIZZA! OH BOY ,OH...

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Gives command ,as if to a dog] No! You,heel! Heel Howard!

Emily Hartley:
Well ,here we are gentlemen ,one #7 pizza!

Howard Borden:
[Still very happy] #7! That's my favorite pizza in the whole wide world!

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Looks at pizza] That isn't #7 ,it's got anchovies on it!

Emily Hartley:
[Reading paper flyer on box] Well ,they've got a new menu. They have anchovies on #7 now.

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Disgusted] I hate anchovies!

Howard Borden:
[Calm ,then very upset] They changed my favorite pizza. [pause ,then odd yell] Aaaah! [Stumbles around] I can't breathe ,open a window! I'm getting vapors,I'm getting vapors! I'm getting hives! I'LL SUE ITALY! [Leaving out the apt. door] AAAaahh!

Emily Hartley:
[Bewildered by Howard's reaction] What 'is' the matter with him?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley:
[Calmly] Emily, you have just seen a man go with the flow.

Hahaha! What episode is this from?

Jack

Hahaha! What episode is this from?

Jack

Bob's Change Of Life.

Bob and Howard:

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: I won't say I hate it; it's just alien to anything I've ever liked before.”

Carol:

Howard Borden:
I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?

Bob: "I don't believe it's true."

Howard: "...while I'm still of sound mind."

Bob: "Howard, I've always felt you should be bronzed."

Bob: "Have a nice life, Howard, what's left of it."

Emily: "Well, I'm looking forward to it, Bob, but just keep the drapes closed."

Bob: "The old Peeper. What a colorful guy."

Cliff Murdock: "The Peeper is here to see The Mmoner."

Carol: "I'm not authorized to make those judgements."

Cliff: "The way I figure it, Bob, the kids of today are the adults of tomorrow."

(First line of the series.)
Margaret: "Add the whites of four eggs, one cup of bread crumbs,..."

Jerry: (to Bob)"Have you told your patients, yet, that you're hanging it up?"

Mr. Carlin: "I'm as good as it gets, Hartley."

Mrs. Bakerman:"And I am going to knit myself into a stupor!"

Bob: "Howard, uh, we're leaving Chicago, and-and moving to Oregon. And Oregon is going to be our home."

Mr. Carlin: "Why don't you knit your lips together, Bakerman?"

Bob: "Emily, if I try to sign anything tonight, you'll try to stop me, right?"

Carol: "Maybe it is time she got out of the city."

Carol: "Come on, Howard! Come on, sing with us!"
Howard: "I can't. I don't even know the words! And I've never even seen South Pacific."

(Last line of the series.)
Howard: "Oh, no!"

Bob: "He must have gotten up on the wrong side of the slab."

Emily: (sarcastically)"Ah. Good old Jerry."

Bob: "Then I got stuck in the elevator for five minutes."
Emily: "Well, five minutes isn't very long."
Bob: "With Mr. Carlin?"
Emily: "That's long."

Alt. Carol: "Not easy being a ballerina."

Alt. Bob: "Helping people is my bag."

Alt. Emily: "Oh, no. None of that until we're married."

Repeated line: "Hi, Bob."

Emily: "Bob, what are you watching?"
Bob: "Classics."

“Howard Borden: Then I'll just say... Checkers!

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Checkmate.

Howard Borden: Whatever.”

Emily: "Yeah. I think I liked you better the other way."

Patient: (to Bob)"When I gave him his, uh, college graduation present, he hit me with it."
Bob: "What'd you give him?"
Patient: "A Pontiac."

Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?