I know I've told a few of you about the stormy and destructive relationship I had with Eric that lasted almost three years. I found out from a mutual friend that he has enlisted in the army (please no "gays in the military" jokes, he is bisexual so he can pass for straight when he wants to) and is expected to be leaving for Iraq at the end of April. I really don't want to relive those 2 1/2 years we spent together but part of me worries for him. I know he's a clumsy guy, far worse than I am, and I am pretty damn clumsy, and he is someone who changes his mind as often as he changes shirts, so what happens if all of a sudden he decides the army isn't for him like bartending wasn't for him or construction work wasn't for him, etc... I am a little surprised they let him in because he is 29, usually you think of guys coming out of high school or in their early twenties, not someone who is a good 8-10 years older than everyone else coming in with him.

While we have a past and a lot of bad memories, I really am afraid of him shipping out to Iraq and coming back home in a bodybag. The two of us will likely never be friends over the past but I still care enough for him that I have worries for him. I can't just forget those years existed even if they were some of my lowest points, and I just hope everything works out for the best.

What you're feeling is very normal, and frankly if you didn't care about this, it wouldn't say much about you. That's a compliment because you do care. Just because we can't be in a relationship for whatever reason(s), doesn't mean we stop caring for that person and their well-being. Three years is a long time to spend with a person, and as bad as the relationship was, I'm sure there was good there too.

Boot camp might get him out of his clumsiness or most of it. The Army knows that these men are covering each other's backs during battle, and they weed out the Barney Fifes fast. If Eric truly can't get out of his own way, he'll fail boot camp. If he does get in, he's in, so there's no changing his mind, unless he wants to go to jail. The age enlistment deal. I read they upped it to 42. I don't know if those guys will see combat or cook the meals, but that's the cutoff age.

My husband's ex-wife died three years ago from cancer. They were together for 14 years. Their marriage was a disaster, due to her drinking. Still when she got sick, she wanted to talk to my husband, for closure. I told him to talk to her a couple of times. Of course, I gave him a math lesson that a COUPLE means TWO, lol. Say your good-byes twice. When she died, he was honest with me about his feelings, and he felt real bad about it, but not in a romantic sense. She was only 56, had a teenage son with the guy she married after the divorce. Malignant melanoma claimed her life. When they were married, they lived right off the beach, and she was a sun worshipper. He used to tell her that she was going to get skin cancer. After their divorce, she moved to Texas and remarried.

Sorry, just ventured off course there. My point to that is that, despite the heartache you endured with Eric, he was still your love for quite a while. If he doesn't have a support system, perhaps you can write to him a little when he's in Iraq. The troops love hearing from those at home. Maybe that's a bad idea. It's late, lol. Wish him well.

That is true about boot camp, I didn't realize that. I'll actually be really impressed if he does pass boot camp come to think about it, Eric is someone that wears clip-on ties if he has to dress up (he usually wore jeans and boots in all seasons, so very rarely did he dress up) because he doesn't know how to make a tie even after he was shown 500 times, and told me it took years to learn to tie his shoes. I'd be so worried he'd lose control of the gun and kill his troop instead of the bad guys if given the equipment :lol:. Either way, I do wish him well with whatever he does with the rest of his life, but no matter the things that happened between us and why it went sour, he was a huge part of my life for a couple years and I'd be devastated if I found out he was killed.

Not to make light of the situation, but reading your post above, all I could think about was Forrest Gump. (I know it was just a movie) but hey - look what happened there, not ony did he survive, but pulled through under stress and became a hero saving lives.

They're probably accepting older people now because they're running out of younger volunteers. You wouldn't remember the draft, but that's what happened in Vietnam. Just be glad Bush hasn't reinstated that.

Let's hope that its some character building for him, he serves his tour well and comes home safe and in one piece. Prayers for him and everyone serving in the Middle East and around the world.

I know I've told a few of you about the stormy and destructive relationship I had with Eric that lasted almost three years. I found out from a mutual friend that he has enlisted in the army (please no "gays in the military" jokes, he is bisexual so he can pass for straight when he wants to) and is expected to be leaving for Iraq at the end of April. I really don't want to relive those 2 1/2 years we spent together but part of me worries for him. I know he's a clumsy guy, far worse than I am, and I am pretty damn clumsy, and he is someone who changes his mind as often as he changes shirts, so what happens if all of a sudden he decides the army isn't for him like bartending wasn't for him or construction work wasn't for him, etc... I am a little surprised they let him in because he is 29, usually you think of guys coming out of high school or in their early twenties, not someone who is a good 8-10 years older than everyone else coming in with him.

While we have a past and a lot of bad memories, I really am afraid of him shipping out to Iraq and coming back home in a bodybag. The two of us will likely never be friends over the past but I still care enough for him that I have worries for him. I can't just forget those years existed even if they were some of my lowest points, and I just hope everything works out for the best.


I think it is sweet of you to feel as you do, given what you've related. Maybe staying in touch in a kind but slightly distant and cordial way may help. It says lot about you that you take the emotional high road, despite the bumpy past. Hope you meet someone nice where there's a good connection. IMO, your energy will likely attract it.

I feel for anyone who has a friend or loved one that is in or being shipped to Iraq. Not to scare you, but take it from someone who knows, some of them don't make it back alive. :crying:

I hope that your friend will be okay, John.

You're a woman? I thought you were a man.
How insensitive that remark is. :rolleyes:



John, I feel bad for you. I am sorry for what you must be feeling and going through. For any woman or man to enlist in the military at this time and to have to leave to Iraq tells me one thing abt them, they are a great American, they love their country and they are doing it for ALL OF OUR SAKES. GOD BLESS HIM.

I can feel what you are feeling. Just because we sever ties with people, doesn't mean we don't care anymore. If I remember correctly, you stated this person and you didn't end things on a good note. You can't change the past John, but you can change the present. Maybe you can send him a letter and let him know you care and the mere fact you are no longer a couple, doesn't change your feelings that you wish him the best, you are there for him and there is no animosity whatsoever in your heart. The worst thing you can do is have a "black heart" or carry the burden of a relationship gone wrong. This may be your chance to let him know how you feel. Don't wait until something worse should happen. Put things to a rest and you will feel better you at least made an attempt to let him know that you care, bottom line. Good luck sweetie.

How insensitive that remark is. :rolleyes:



John, I feel bad for you. I am sorry for what you must be feeling and going through. For any woman or man to enlist in the military at this time and to have to leave to Iraq tells me one thing abt them, they are a great American, they love their country and they are doing it for ALL OF OUR SAKES. GOD BLESS HIM.

I can feel what you are feeling. Just because we sever ties with people, doesn't mean we don't care anymore. If I remember correctly, you stated this person and you didn't end things on a good note. You can't change the past John, but you can change the present. Maybe you can send him a letter and let him know you care and the mere fact you are no longer a couple, doesn't change your feelings that you wish him the best, you are there for him and there is no animosity whatsoever in your heart. The worst thing you can do is have a "black heart" or carry the burden of a relationship gone wrong. This may be your chance to let him know how you feel. Don't wait until something worse should happen. Put things to a rest and you will feel better you at least made an attempt to let him know that you care, bottom line. Good luck sweetie.

well, I did send him a Myspace message earlier saying hi, that I heard (I also said I was surprised because he never expressed interest in the military before), and that I hope everything works out for him and that his time there safe.

I'm sorry. I thought he was a woman when he said he had a relationship with a man
No problem. This was a genuine honest mistake.

My husband's ex-wife died three years ago from cancer. They were together for 14 years. Their marriage was a disaster, due to her drinking. Still when she got sick, she wanted to talk to my husband, for closure. I told him to talk to her a couple of times. Of course, I gave him a math lesson that a COUPLE means TWO, lol. Say your good-byes twice. When she died, he was honest with me about his feelings, and he felt real bad about it, but not in a romantic sense. She was only 56, had a teenage son with the guy she married after the divorce. Malignant melanoma claimed her life. When they were married, they lived right off the beach, and she was a sun worshipper. He used to tell her that she was going to get skin cancer. After their divorce, she moved to Texas and remarried.
You and I have shared many things in life Janice. Not hijacking this thread John, but Janice's husband and myself have had opportunities to have closure with people who we loved dearly and later divorced. Just like Janice's husband, I too had the opportunity to speak with my ex-husband while he was on his death bed. He told me nothing that I didn't already know. He told me he never stopped loving me and I was always "the one." So John, it doesn't matter how the relationship ended, it's what you felt abt it. Some people are glad to be rid of someone in their lives and don't give a hoot abt them. People like you still care and it only shows how much of a heart you have and you mean no harm upon anyone, even someone that may have broken your heart. You think of the good times and what could have been.

Like I said already, put your thoughts together and wish him well with a letter. Believe me, if anything should happen to him - God forbid- you can feel better knowing you let him know you harbor no bad feelings and you care.

I wish your ex well, John.

well, I did send him a Myspace message earlier saying hi, that I heard (I also said I was surprised because he never expressed interest in the military before), and that I hope everything works out for him and that his time there safe.
That's a start. I am glad you did something, it will help you to feel better knowing you made some contact. It takes a big person to reach out to someone who has hurt them and I am sure he may be feeling the same way you do. Good luck to you and I hope all works out well.

That's a start. I am glad you did something, it will help you to feel better knowing you made some contact. It takes a big person to reach out to someone who has hurt them and I am sure he may be feeling the same way you do. Good luck to you and I hope all works out well.
I heard back, he said he's looking forward to it and that he was glad to hear from me. I doubt the two of us will ever be friends but at least it was nice closure between the two of us that hadn't been had before, before we both were so mad at each other that neither of us wanted to speak, but at least now we have the closure I wanted

I heard back, he said he's looking forward to it and that he was glad to hear from me. I doubt the two of us will ever be friends but at least it was nice closure between the two of us that hadn't been had before, before we both were so mad at each other that neither of us wanted to speak, but at least now we have the closure I wanted
:clap: Good for you both! I am glad you did it, don't you feel better now? You are right though, you may never be friends (but who knows) still, you did the right thing to give you that closure you needed. Closure is so important and I think for this situation, it was needed. I am so glad to hear this. ;)

looks like this all may not happen after all. Our mutual friend told me last night she's been talking him out of it, since he's joining for the wrong reasons (he wants the $$$$$). Plus, even if he is bisexual, he's definately more gay than straight (and he has a habit of falling in love with straight guys who don't know his "secret") and she doesn't want him risking a potential bashing since he pretty much would have to live a Brokeback Mountain type of lifestyle (wife and kids, but true love on the weekends) if he got in, and it's 2008, who wants to live like that? And he's yet to pass the test to even get into the National Guard to begin with, and she is almost certain he's going to fail boot camp even if he got in.

Oh, just figured to leave an update.

Good to hear he is not going. Nothing wrong with the military, but sounds like what you just said, it was for the wrong reasons.

Good to hear he is not going. Nothing wrong with the military, but sounds like what you just said, it was for the wrong reasons.
that is so him to join just because he'd get a $20k bonus if he passed boot camp. And here I was actually proud of him for being so brave and selfless, especially considering how unpopular the war has become and how people who enlisted after 9-11 are still trying to get out today. But like she said, he has yet to even pass the test to get in, and both of us have known him for five years and know he would fail boot camp. Oh well, shows he hasn't changed that much if he's just doing it for money and not because he realized he wanted to do something patriotic.