Chapter 1- Alone Again, Naturally

It was a typical spring day on Tracy Island and ex-astronaut Jeff Tracy was on his cellphone yelling at the person on the other end about something or another. Three of his five sosn Scott, Virgil and Gordon weren't paying any attention to their father. They were busy going through the accounting books making sure everything was in order like Jeff had ordered them to do.

"I swear, boys, if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself!" Jeff said hanging up on his cellphone.

"Does that mean you're gonna go through your own books, Dad?" 24 year old Scott asked.

"No, silly," Jeff answered. "I didn't pay for your college education just so I could go through my accounts! That's what you guy are here for!"

The boys said nothing more and continued their calculating. The Tracy brothers had learned a long time ago never to argue with their father when he was angry about a business deal.

Jeff stormed out of his office and walked down the hallway. On his way up the stairs, he looked into the den and found Ohana sitting on the couch sewing on something. He walked over to her and just stood there.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"Just mending the curtains, Mr Tracy,” Ohana said looking up at Jeff. "Kyrano said they really need it."

"That's pretty great of him to say so, Ohana," Jeff said. "That's the trouble with you and Kyrano. You guys don't know how to live high! When you have this much money, you don't spend your time mending curtains! That's yours or Kyrano's job!"

"It's all right, Mr Tracy," Ohana replied. "I don't mind doing it. After all, I share the cooking duties with Kyrano anyway and Virgil did it twice."

"Don't remind me."

It wasn't that Virgil was a bad cook, it was just that Jeff couldn't understand how he preferred catering to business. He often wondered if there could have been a mix up at the hospital when Virgil was born but he knew that wasn't possible. Virgil had a lot of qualities that belonged to his late mother and Jeff wouldn't touch that subject with a ten foot pole.

Jeff left the room and went back to his office to find that the boys were finally finished with the books.

"Everything's all present and accounted for, Dad." Virgil said closing the final book he was working on.

"Great," Jeff said. "Okay, Guys, clear out! I need to think of a sure fire way to make some money and I can't do it while you guys are standing there doing nothing!"

The three boys shrugged and left the room. Jeff wasn't really thinking about money for once. He was thinking about his late wife Nicola. Seeing Ohana mending the curtains brought back a lot of things, mostly memories from his past. Memories about his late wife. He didn't like to think about her. He figured the less he remembered her, the better but that didn't always work. There were times when he just couldn't help himself. This was one of those times.

"I'm no angry with Ohana for doing stuff," Jeff told himself. "She's just gotta be the perfect housewife and 'cause of that she just reminds me of . . . ."

Jeff couldn't even bring himself to say Nicola's name out loud. He just sat there drumming his fingers on the desk when Kyrano came into the office.

"Excuse me, Mr Tracy," said Kyrano. "But what are you doing?"

"Nothing much, Kyrano!" Jeff answered.

"Well, you're sitting at your desk and there's nothing on it to sign or anything like that." Kyrano stated.

"I know that," Jeff groaned. "I'm thinking!"

"About what?" Kyrano asked.

"About nothing at all," Jeff lied. "Now I'd like to be left alone please!"

"Yes, Mr Tracy!" Kyrano said as he walked out of Jeff's office as fast as they could.

Jeff calmed down and sat back down at his desk. He turned towards the window and stared out of it for a moment or so.

"Alone again," he sighed. "Naturally."

Chapter 2- Billie Grant

The next day, Jeff was back to ordering the gang around and practically yelling over the phone about business deals.

"Looks like Jeff's on the war path." Lorenz 'Larry' Thompson warned his pal Rick Henshaw.

"I've noticed," Rick replied. "Nothing stops him when it comes to business, does it?"

Larry was about to say something when Jeff came into the living room looking like he had just lost a million dollars in a stock market crash.

"Hey, Guys," he said. "Don't ask why but I've had a really crappy day!"

"Jeff, are you feeling okay?" Larry asked.

"I'm perfectly fine," Jeff said. "Why must you pry into my personal life like this?!"

"It's just that Scott told us you've kinda been on edge since yesterday. And well, you seem a bit more edgy than you usually are." Larry replied.

"Edgy? Who's edgy?" Jeff asked. "Just 'cause I happen to be yelling a little more than I usually do doesn't mean I'm edgy!"

Larry groaned. It was obvious Jeff was not in the mood to discuss anything. Things were silent for a little while until they heard nu-metal music from the music room. Rick sighed and started up the stairs.

"I'd better go see where that noise is coming from." he said.

"Okay, Rick," Jeff replied. "I've got to get back to work."

Jeff went back into his office and just sat there for awhile. After a few minutes, Brains came in carrying the mail.

"M-m-mail's here, Mr Tracy sir." said Brains.

"Just put it on the desk, Brains," Jeff replied. "I'll look at it later."

"You might wanna look at it now," Brains said. "There's something in here from the kids staying with Lady Penelope in L-l-london."

"What's Alan done now?" Jeff groaned taking the envelope from Brains. He ripped it open and pulled the contents out of it.

"Wow," he groaned. "She's having another one of her social get-togethers this afternoon."

"Should I s-s-send your regrets, Mr Tracy?" Brains asked.

"No, I might as well go." Jeff said.

And that was all there was to that. Jeff did go to Penny's party in London and he made it perfectly clear that he was going to enjoy himself.

"I don't understand why you're 'ere anyway, Mr Tracy." Lady Penelope's butler-chauffer Parker said.

"Parker." Lady Penelope said.

"I figured I'd might as well," Jeff replied. "I've not nothing else planned for today."

Jeff was doing his best to practically find the kids who weren't there. He was in the mood to even be there and he thought about leaving. In fact, he was about to make his way back to his car when Penny approached him.

"Jeff," she called. "I'm so glad you could come!"

"Me too, Penny," Jeff said. "Sorry I can't stay but I must be running."

"Oh, before you leave, I'd like to introduce you to someone." Penny said.

"Maybe some other time," Jeff said. "I really need to . . . ."

"Jeff, this'll only take a moment!" said Penny.

Before Jeff could say anything more, Penny practically dragged him over to another part of her yard.

"Jeff, you must meet Billie Grant before you leave," she said. "She's a former ally of the Hood or so she says."

Jeff had heard that the Hood had a female ally who was probably a total bitch like the Hood himself was. This he had to see figuring that this woman was probably as old as he was, maybe even older but the only person that Penny was indicating looked a bit like Camilla Diamond from Suburban Shootout wearing a grey skirt, a navy blazer, a light blue blouse, a dark blue and yellow striped scarf, black knee high boots and was talking on a cellphone.

"I don't bloody care what it takes," Billie shouted into her phone. "I want that report on my desk first thing tomorrow morning, okay?"

And with that, she pushed a button on her phone and stuffed it into her black leather handbag.

"Good help's so hard to find these days." she said rolling her eyes.

"Don't I damn well know it?" Jeff said.

"Jeff, meet Billie Grant," Penny said. "Billie, this is Jeff Tracy."

"Of Tracy Enterprises?" Billie asked. "I've heard about your company, Mr Tracy and I'm impressed with the way you handle business."

"Really?" Jeff asked. "Well, Miss Grant, you're pretty successful yourself. You made seven trillion pounds in two years. That's pretty impressive."

"Oh, I'm sure that's nothing compared to your company, Mr Tracy." Billie said.

"Well, if I didn't have such lousy employees as you said, good help is hard to find," Jeff said. "And you can go ahead and call me Jeff."

"I'd love to stay and talk more, Jeff," Billie said. "But I've gotta go. I can't spend too much time away from the boss."

"Been there, done that," Jeff commented. "But why not come over to my place for dinner sometime? We could pick up this discussion then."

"Sounds good to me," Billie said. "How about tomorrow night at seven?"

"I'll be looking forward to it, Billie." Jeff said.

"Believe me, so will I." Billie stated.

And with that, Billie left. Jeff turned around and headed for his private jet Tracy 1.

"I gotta go, Penny," he shouted. "Tell Alan, Tin Tin and Fermat I'll pick them up in 2 weeks."

"Alright, Jeff," Penny called. "Billie sounds like your kind of woman."

"Believe me, Penny, she is!" Jeff said.

Chapter 3- Meet the Family

By the next morning, Jeff was in a good mood. He came into the kitchen actually humming 'Is This Love?' by Whitesnake. Scott was a little surprised.

"Are your stocks up, Dad?" he asked.

"Better than that, Scott!" Jeff shouted.

"What could be better than stocks being up?" Virgil asked. "To you, I mean. Unless you made a million dollars overnight."

"It's even better than that, Virgil!" Jeff shouted. Then he grabbed Virgil's hand and twirled him around for a moment. Then he walked off into his office.

"Is it me or is Dad cooler than he was yesterday?" Gordon asked beyond confused.

"I think he is," Scott replied. "I, like, so totally don't know what happened but Dad's sure in a good mood because of it!"

Jeff came back into the kitchen just then.

"Boys, don't make any plans for tonight," he said. "I'm expecting company for dinner and I need guys, John, Ohana, Kyrano and Brains all here."

"Who are you trying to impress now, Dad?" Gordon asked. "Bill Gates?"

"No, Billie Grant," Jeff. "She's an ex-Hood ally or so she told me. She's coming over to dinner tonight."

"That total bitch?" Scott asked sounding a bit dumbfounded. "You're inviting a babe who used to work for the Hood to dinner?"

"What's so surprising about that?" Jeff asked.

"Well, it's just that you've always said that women can't do business," Virgil said. "You're always saying that a woman's place is cleaning the house, cooking the meals and taking care of the kids."

"I've had a change of heart." Jeff said.

Jeff walked off just then and he looked like he was on Cloud Nine. Scott, Virgil and Gordon all glanced at each other wondering what in the world had come over their father.

7:00pm finally rolled around. Scott, John, Virgil, Gordon, Ohana, Kyrano and Brains were standing around waiting for Jeff to come down the stairs. He raced down them the minute the doorbell rang somewhat breathlessly.

"This villa's a bit too big," Jeff said. "I might have to renovate the place."

The doorbell rang again and all Kyrano had to do was open the door.

"Welcome to Tracy Island," he said. "Miss Billie Grant, I presume?"

"You're pretty sharp for the brother of my old boss." Billie said coming into the room. She took her Columbo coat off and promptly put it on the coat rack.

"I like her already," Kyrano said as Ohana walked towards him. "I like her better than my own evil older brother."

Billie walked into the main hallway and looked around. Jeff was a bit dumbstruck then. Billie was wearing a black knee length off-the-shoulder dress, long black gloves and black high heels. She had her hair swept up at the top of her head. Jeff was practically drooling at least until Scott punched him on the back.

"Dad." he said.

"Oh yeah," Jeff said regaining his senses. "Billie, glad you could make it."

"Charmed, I'm sure," Billie said. "What a very quaint little villa you've got, Jeff. A bit small but very quaint."

"Small, yeah," Jeff said. "Just what I was telling my oldest son Scott an hour ago. I might have to renovate the place. This villa's too small."

Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon all exchanged a glance. There was something about this Billie Grant that neither of them liked. Jeff led her over to the four of them.

"Billie, I'd like you to meet my sons Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon," Jeff said. "No,t hey're not Thunderbirds."

"Thank God for that." John said.

"Okay," Billie said a little distantly. "The Hood told me this was Thunderbird base."

"I, uh, take it you don't like the Thunderbirds?" Scott asked.

"That's a bunch of crap," Billie shouted in mock enthusiasm. "I like the Thunderbirds."

"You know, we're pretty choosy about people here, Bitch," Scott said. "We know when we don't like someone and we know when they don't like us."

"Did you call me what I think you called me?" Billie asked taking a compact out of her purse. She opened it and began to check over her hair and make-up. "You're the bitches, not me!"

"What the hell did you say?" Virgil asked crossly.

"Yo, V-Man, do you notice something strange about the way Dad's acting towards that total ho?" Gordon asked.

"Well, duh, I know the look on his face," Virgil said. "He's starting to look at that total cow in the way he looked at Tus when we went back to 1983. In fact, he was starting to look like that yesterday when they first met at Lady P's party."

"You guys don't actually think Dad's in love, do you?" John asked.

"Beats the hell outta me, Johnny Boy," Scott said. "But I honestly don't think Dad could ever fall in love. Not with anything other than money."

John, Virgil and Gordon all nodded. Scott did have a point there but somehow, his brothers weren't so sure. The four of them just kept a close eye on the two of them. Jeff was telling Billie about the time the Hood broke into the Bank of London.

"And I think he would've gotten away with it too," he said. "If it weren't for us meddling Thunderbirds."

"I know what you mean," Billie said. "I was never too fond of the Hood myself. He's so bloody evil. Why, I won't even be caught dead near him againnd anyone of our status hanging around them is simply tacky!"

"Hear that, Boys?" Jeff asked.

"We heard," Scott replied. "And I can't say I agree with you, Billie."

"Us neither," John said. He stood up and started towards the lounge with Scott, Virgil and Gordon in tow. "If you'll excuse me, we've gotta have an all brother talk in the lounge."

"Okay, Boys." Jeff said as his sons all stood up and went towards the lounge. Billie watched them go and shook her head.

"You do realize they're all too crafty for their own good, don't you?" she asked.

"Maybe so but they're my boys and they're also more assertive," Jeff said with a shrug. "But hey, you can't win 'em all. But I never say that when it comes to money."

Billie happened to agree with Jeff there. After what seemed like an endless visit, Billie finally decided it was time for her to leave. She took her Columbo coat from the coat rack and turned to Jeff.

"I had a great time, Jeff," Billie said. "We've gotta do it again sometime. Have your people contact my people and we'll do lunch."

"Sounds good to me." Jeff said.

Billie then leaned forward and gave Jeff a kiss on the cheek which caused him to nearly melt right then and there.

"I'll be looking forward to our next meeting, Jeff love." Billie said walking out the door.

"I'll be looking forward to our next meeting, Jeff love," Scott mimicked in a pohney Brit accent once Billie was out of sight and earshot and the boys all came back into the kitchen. "Eww, gross."

"Stop it, Boys!" Jeff said sternly to Scott.

There was no doubt about it. Jeff was definitely in love. So was Billie as a matter of fact. And she was telling the Hood on her cellphone about it.

"Hi, it's me," she said. "You won't believe how in love I am. With Jeff Tracy's money and International Rescue! I'll have the head Thunderbird himself wrapped around my little finger in a matter of days and then, I'll move to his money and International Rescue!"

Chapter 4- The Engagement

For the next few nights, Jeff was spending more time with Billie and less time at home. The boys were becoming a little worried. Scott couldn't shake this uneasy feeling he and his brothers had about Billie. He was talking to his best friend Frank Benedict about it one daywhile was picking up his motorbike from Fonzie's Garage in Milwaukee.

"I don't know why but I just don't like this Billie Grant," Scott admitted. "But my Dad sure seems to like her!"

"He's in love with something other than the Thunderbirds?" Frank asked, a little surprised. "I find that hard to believe!"

"I know," said Scott. "I find it a little surprising too but me and the guys are still uneasy about it."

"Well, from what I've heard about that lady, she's young. Right?" asked Frank.

"Yeah, she's about 10 years older than me." Scott said.

"That's why you're uneasy," said Frank. "Who wants a stepmom who's 10 years older than you are?"

"I guess that's it," Scott said. "But there's something else I don't like and the guys don't like her either."

"Maybe you oughta keep your eye on your dad whenever he's around that Billie lady." said Frank.

Scott nodded. Unfortunately, keeping an eye on Jeff when he was with Billie was easier said than done. Most of the time, the two of them were on the town and Jeff kept telling Scott to keep watch of Tracy Island while he was out. At one point, Scott fell asleep in one of the books he was going over since he was working so hard.

"Scott?" John asked.

"Huh? What the hell?" Scott asked jolting to attention. "It's like Dad's spending more time with Billie than he is with his business and our orginization!"

"We know," John said with a sigh. "He's been out with her every night for two whole weeks! I think he's starting to get serious about this relationship with her."

"And that makes me nervous." said Scott.

John nodded. Before they could go any further in the conversation, Jeff came into the office just then, humming. Scott and John stared at him as if he had lost his mind completely.

"Good morning, Boys," he said. "Nice day, isn't it?"

"You're totally in a good mood. Dad." John said.

"That's right, Johnny boy, that's right," Jeff replied. "At this point, nothing can spoil my mood!"

"Not even if Brains lost you a fortune?" Virgil asked as he and Gordon arrived in their father's office. "Like say three million dollars and fifty-six cents?"

Jeff turned towards Virgil and his eyes glazed over. He started to look pale and just stared at his middle son like he couldn't believe what he just said.

"HE WHAAAAT?" Jeff yelled.

"Chilax, Dad," Gordon said. "V-Man was just making it up!"

"Never kid about my money, Boys," Jeff said. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, Dad." Scott, John, Virgil and Gordon said together as they all went out of the room so Jeff could go back to work.

"So how serious could it be?" Gordon asked. "He's still hooked on making money."

"Yeah," Virgil said with a nod. "But I'm still not so sure . . . . ."

That night, Jeff told Kyrano and Ohana to make plans for a huge dinner party. He even let his sons and Brains invite Penny and Parker over to Tracy Island for it.

"'E's inviting us to a party?" Parker asked incredulously.

"What's gotten into your father, Boys?" Penny asked.

"Billie Grant," John answered. "We think Dad's fallen in love with her. He also wants you guys to bring a camera and take notes about it. He says he's got something planned that'll make front page news."

"What's that?" Parker asked.

"Beats me," Scott shrugged. "All I caught was something about a merger. Maybe he's going to merge with that total bitch's business or something."

"Probably," Penny said. "Well, Boys, we'll be there."

Scott nodded as he and his brothers left Creighton-Ward Manor and went into Tracy 1.

That night, everyone showed up on Tracy Island for Jeff's dinner party. He had made it a formal affair much to both Scott and Parker's dismay. Neihter of them particularly cared for dressing up. And Scott knew at these formal engagements, there wasn't going to be any peanut butter in the near vicinity.

After a little while, Jeff had everyone gathered around the dining room table to make an announcement. Billie was sitting next to him smiling.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jeff said. "And I use the term as loosely as possible . . . . ."

"Oh, for God's sake." Parker muttered under his breath.

"I'd like to make an important announcement," Jeff, not having heard Parker, continued. "And I'd like to get this in the news if I can so get that camera ready. Just so long as it's not the one with the ultra bright flash bulb."

"You're never gonna let the press live that one down, are ya, Dad?" Scott asked.

Jeff just gave Scott that "don't make me come after you" look but didn't respond. Instead, he turned towards Billie.

"I want all of you to be the first to know," Jeff said. "That Billie here's consented to merge."

"Kick ass, Dad." John said.

"That's what this is all about?" Virgil asked. "A crappy business merger? I stopped listening to my new Girls 'R' Us CD for this?!"

"Not that kind of merger, for God's sake, Virgil!" Jeff said.

"What do you expect from your boys?" Billie asked rolling her eyes. "They act like they've got brains the size of peanuts!"

"Holy crap," Gordon shouted. "You're, like, so totally right, Scott, there is something about her!"

"What I meant by merge," Jeff said ignoring his sons. "Is that we're getting married!"

"MARRIED!" everyone shouted at once.

"That's right," Billie said holding up her hand to reveal a diamond engagement ring. "Jeff proposed this afternoon and I agreed to become Mrs Jefferson Beaumont Tracy."

John felt a little faint upon hearing the news. The others were a bit shocked as well. No one could believe what had just happened but there was nothing anyone could do about it.

A few days went by. The boys were still recovering from the initial shock. Each of them still agreed that there was something funny about their father's relationship with Billie. Brains, Ohana and Kyrano were also beginning to suspect something as well.

"I don't like it," Ohana said. "I don't like it one bit!"

"But how are we gonna talk Mr Tracy out of it?" Kyrano asked.

"I don't think we can t-t-talk him out of it," Brains said with a sigh. "We might have to just grin and bear it."

"I'll bear it," Gordon said. "But I refuse to grin."

"Here comes Billie now," Virgil said. "And she's talking on her cellphone over our radio about the wedding."

Everyone gathered around the radio to eavesdrop on the conversation.

"Move over, G-Man," Scott said standing behind Gordon. "I totally wanna hear this!"

"Guys," John shouted. "I don't think Dad'll like it if he knew we were eavesdropping."

"Don't you want Brains, Ohana and Kyrano to know what she's up to?" Gordon asked.

"I rank eavesdropping up there with reading someone's diary," Scott said. "It's an invasion of privacy. But in this case, move over!"

"Hey, wait for me!" John shouted.

The whole family wanted to know everything about Billie and what she was planning once she married Jeff and this would probably be the only way they could do that.

"You should let the Hood know, Transom that once I marry Jeff Tracy, there are gonna be a lot of changes around here," Billie said. "First of all, that geeky scientist. He'll be the first things to go! I'll convince Jeff to give him the sack and hire a He-Man scientist!"

Brains drew in a breath and began to shudder. He didn't like the sound of that.

"As far as the Hood's brother and sister-in-law go," Billie continued. "I'll send them back tthe the Hood so he can boss them about. I can't have them crossing my path now, can I? And I'll send his sons to get real jobs so they can learn to be members of society. They can't continue this Thunderbirds crap when their dad's a millionare! I know Jeff won't mind. I've got him wrapped around my little finger. He'll do anything I tell him! I can give you at least a million reasons why I love Jeff Tracy and they're all in the bank!"

Ohana, Kyrano and the boys all glanced at each other. They didn't like the sound of that.

With that, Billie began to laugh hysterically. Brains, Ohana, Kyrano and four of their employer's five sons looked at each other nervously.

"I knew it," Virgil said. "I just knew she was only interested in Dad's money!"

"Poor Mr Tracy," Ohana said. "He'll be so hurt when he finds out."

"Someone's got to tell him." Kyrano said.

Everyone was silent. None of them was going to come forward and volunteer to tell Jeff that his fiancée was only interested in him for his money. After a while, the seven of them just decided to go in and tell him. The question was would Jeff believe them?

Chapter 5- Matrimonial

Brains, Kyrano, Ohana and the boys nervously entered Jeff's office. Jeff was checking the stock market in the business section of the newspaper.

"Excuse me, Mr Tracy?" Brains asked. "Can we t-t-talk to you about the wedding?"

"What about it?" Jeff asked. "I'm really busy here!"

"Well . . . ." John said a little nervously.

"It's about Billie, Dad." Virgil said.

"What about her?" Jeff asked.

"We've gotta tell you . . . . . ummm . . . . ." Scott said thinking it over.

"Spit it out, Scott!" growled Jeff.

"Uhh, Billie," Scott stated. "She's onltrestnyomny."

Jeff looked up at Scott as if he had lost his mind.

"Can you say that again, Scott?" Jeff asked. "I didn't quite hear you."

"Billie's . . . . ." Scott started but he found himself mumbling again. "Onltresnyomny."

"How many times do I have to tell you and your brothers not to mumble, Scott," Jeff yelled starting to lose his patience. "Now what the hell is it?"

"Your fiancée's only interested in you for your money, Dad!" Virgil blurted out.

"I know." Jeff said calmly.

"And that's not the worst of it, Gordon shouted. "She's gonna fire Brains, send Ohana and Kyrano back to the Hood and make us guys get real. . . . say that again?"

"I know," Jeff replied. "I already know all that."

"You already know, Mr Tracy?" Kyrano asked a little surprised.

"Sure I do," Jeff shouted. "I'm no spring chicken, you know! Why else would someone like Billie Grant be interested in me?"

"And you're still going through with the wedding?" Ohana asked.

"Sure I am," Jeff shouted. "I'll double my fortune!"

Brains, Ohana, Kyrano and the boys were sort of at a loss. They couldn't think of anything else to say that would talk Jeff out of the wedding. Brains, Ohana and Kyrano were ready to give up then and there. The boys weren't licked yet however. Maybe Frank at Fonzie's Garage would have an idea about what to do so the four of them went to his apartment in Milwaukee and told the slightly overweight mechanic what was going on.

"She's only interested in your dad for his money?" Frank's live-in Itailian-American lover Nadia Martelli asked.

"I knew it," Frank shouted. "I knew no one could love old man Tracy without another motive like his cash!"

"And the thing is he already knows about it!" Scott shouted.

"We can't let Dad go through with the ceremony," John said. "But the problem is he won't listen to us trying to talk him out of it and we haven't got any idea what to do."

"Well, if we can't talk our dad out of the wedding," Virgil said thoughtfully. "Then we'll talk Billie out of it!"

"How are we g-g-gonna do that?" Brains asked.

"Just leave it to me," Scott said. "I know what the hell I'm doing and I've got a mega super sweet idea!"

"Better have a back up plan ready just in case," Gordon said. "We know how your mega super sweet ideas always turn out, Scott."

Scott gave Gordon that "don't make me slap the caps off your knees" look but told the others his idea, anyway. They would put it into action the next day. Billie was hanging on the Tracy Island beach. Scott had instructed Brains and Virgil to get Jeff out of the house in any way possible which was going to be easier said than done but Virgil had an idea. He knew one of Jeff's weaknesses even if Jeff was determined to keep this particular weakness a secret.

"Hi, Dad," Virgil said walking into his father's office.

"Is Billie here yet?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah, she's looking things over around the villa," Virgil answered. "She said something about redecorating the place once she moves in."

"Just so long as it's not pink." Jeff said.

"Yeah," Virgil lied. "Yo, Dad? Do you think you could do me a favor?"

"What is it, Virgil?" Jeff asked.

"Well, I . . . . . need to take care of a few stuff," Virgil repiled. "Ohana's busy . . . . helping Billie prepare for the wedding. Billie said something about needing another woman around to give her a hand with things."

Jeff put down his paper and gave Virgil that "I'm thinking of smacking your ass out of my office" look for a moment or so.

"Okay," Jeff groaned. "I'll do it."

"Thanks, Dad." Virgil said hugging Jeff.

Once Jeff was gone, Virgil pulled a walkie-talkie he was hiding in his backpack and pushed a button on it.

"Okay, Man At Arms," he said. "Cobra Commander took the bait."

"Kick ass, Shipwreck," Scott said from the beach. "Me, Cheetara and Beast Man've got everything set down here. You, Lion-O and Mumm-Ra know what to do, right?"

"Right," Virgil said. "All we gotta do now is wait for Cobra Commander to leave."

Virgil turned off the walkie-talkie just as Jeff came back into the office to retrieve something from Virgil.

"What the hell are you doing, Virgil?" Jeff asked. "What's with the walkie-talkie?"

"Well, I was just talking to Scott, Dad," Virgil said. "I thought this'd save money on the phone bill if I talked to him on a walkie-talkie instead of calling on the phone. It also won't tie up your business line."

"Okay." said Jeff.

Jeff gave Virgil a funny look. He had a feeling that Virgil was up to something but he pushed the thought out of his mind for the time being. He just figured that his own sosn were uneasy about acquiring a stepmother especially one who was about 10 years older than Scott. So he just shrugged it off and left the villa. Virgil watched him go making sure he was out of sight before he contacted Scott again with the walkie-talkie.

"Okay, he's gone." Virgil said.

"Sweet," Scott said. "Now it's time for Operation Break Up! You go down and get the lead in going. Then I'll wait for you to give me my cue and we'll really shake things up!"

Scott and Virgil signed off but left their walkie-talkies on. Scott went down the stairs and into the den. Billie was going through some magazines talking with someone on her cell phone. Ohana and Kyrano was standing by the window hanging up the curtains she was mending a few days before.

"Do you honestly have to do that?" Ohana asked her hanging up her phone. "That's what you and Kyrano are for!"

"I happen to like doing it." Ohana said.

"Besides," Kyrano replied. "Me and Ohana not wokring for my evil older brother's the least of your worries."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Billie asked.

"Didn't my dad tell you?" Virgil asked. "The villa's built on a 1940s earthquake fault line!"

"That's why he got the villa so ch-cheap." Brains said.

"Fault line?" Billie asked. "Bloody hell, this island's nowhere on a fault line!"

"That's what they want you to think," Virgil said. "Every few so often, an earthquake'll hit, it's a known fact and we're due for one. In fact, we're due for an earthquake any minute now!"

That was Scott's cue. He, John and Gordon had rigged up a device in the basement to make it feel like an earthquake was going on. Scott pressed a button and the island began to shake. Billie didn't know what the bloody hell was going on. She let out a scream and jumped to her feet.

"An earthquake!" she yelled.

"Brace yourselves!" Virgil shouted grabbing onto a table leg.

To make it look convincing, Ohana, Kyrano and Virgil began to run for cover. Billie was panicking. She had never been in an earthquake before. Seeing her running around the room like a chicken with it's head cut and screaming was a pretty funny sight so Ohana, Kyrano and Virgil were having a difficult time keeping straight faces. But they managed. After what seemed like a reasonable amount of time, Scott turned off the machine.

"That oughta shake things up," he said. "Bet she'll be heading for the hills now!"

"And if she's not," John said. "Brains's ready upstairs with a little surprise of his own."

Back upstairs, Ohana and Kyrano stayed underneath the table and Virgil stood firmly in the doorway. Billie looked around wide eyed with shock and surprise. She regained her bearings and just stared at Virgil.

"Wh . . . . . what the bloody hell are you doing still there?" she asked. "The earthquake's over! Isn't it?"

"Sure it is," Kyrano said. "We're just being prepared for the next earthquake!"

"Next earthquake?!" Billie shouted.

"There should be another one right about . . . . ." Virgil said punching buttons on the calculator.

A low rumble was heard and the floor began to shake again. Billie screamed and grabbed onto the couch for dear life.

"Now." Virgil said finishing his sentence.

Billie held onto the couch like there was no tomorrow! Finally, the shaking stopped. Billie looked at Virgil, Kyrano and Ohana, who were coming out from their shelters, and began to catch her breath.

"How often are these earthquakes?" she asked.

"Hard to say," Virgil said with a shrug. "Any time between every hundred years or every fifteen minutes."

"And then there are the aftershocks," Ohana said. "Floods, fires, you name it, we get it."

"You've gotta be kidding me," Billie shouted. "What do you mean floods and fires?"

"Well, I smell a flood coming on," Kyrano said. "And they come on so suddenly too."

"What?" Billie asked.

Before anything else could happen, Brains, from outside, quietly opened the window, stuck the garden hose inside and turned it on full blast soaking Billie. She let out a screech. Brains then turned off the hose and closed the window just as Billie spun around. Luckily, she didn't see Billie.

"Suddenly, what can I say?" Virgil said shrugging, as if to say "I told you so."

"How the bloody hell can you live like this?" Billie shouted.

"Practice," Virgil said. "Dad doesn't wanna move 'cause the rent's cheap here."

"Did Mr Tracy happen to mention the . . . . . infestation?" Ohana said.

"Infestation?" Billie repeated.

"Yeah, we've got a pest problem." Ohana said.

"I'll say," Billie growled. "You're putting me on!"

"No, we're not," Virgil said. "We get a lotta rats in the kitchen."

"I'm going to look for myself!" Billie shouted.

Billie made her way into the kitchen. John was hiding in the pantry holding onto a piece of string. On the end of the piece of string on the other side of the room was a very large realistic-looking stuffed rat. It was hidden from sight. John was waiting for Billie to walk closer to the string. Finally, she stopped where John wanted her to and the young astronomer pulled the string. The rat came out from it's hiding place and shot across the floor. Billie screamed and jumped up onto the table.

"That's the biggest rat I ever saw," Billie shouted. "VIRGIL GRISSOM TRACY, GET YOUR ARSE IN HERE NOW!"

"What's up?" Virgil asked.

"A rat," Billie yelled. "A giant rat! It just ran across the floor!"

"I told you so," Virgil said. "But we just gotta put up with them. Dad refuses to hire an exterminator. He says they charge too much."

As luck would have it, Billie had opened the front door of the villa just as Jeff was returning.

"What the hell?" he asked. "Billie, what's going on?"

"YOU JERK," Billie yelled slapping Jeff across the face. "IT'S NOT WORTH IT! IT'S NOT BLOODY WORTH IT!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jeff asked.

"Take back your stupid ring," Billie yelled yanking the engagement ring off her finger and throwing it to the ground. "A villa on an earthquake fault line and now rats in the kitchen! I tell you, it's not worth it!"

"Fault line?" Jeff asked beyond confused. "Rats? What the hell . . . . ."

"What the hell were you people thinking?" Jeff demanded.

"You can't marry her, Mr Tracy," Kyrano shouted. "And we can't let you either!"

"We know you know she's only interested in your money, Mr Tracy," Ohana said. "But you can't possibly build a life together based on that!"

"Sure this marriage'll work, Ohana," Jeff shouted. "The wedding'll go on as scheduled and that's final!"

Jeff stormed out of the room just then. Billie glared at the group and smiled an obnoxious smile.

"Mark my words, you lot," she said. "I'll make your lives miserable the moment I say I do."

"Believe me, bitch," Scott said. "You already have."

Chapter 6- I Do, He Doesn't!

The wedding was exactly one week later. Although no one was really looking forward to it except maybe Jeff and Billie but only because of the fact that both would end up doubling her fortune by marrying. Also by this time, Brains, Ohana, Kyrano and the boys were out of ideas to break Jeff and Billie up.

Finally, it was the big day. Jeff, Larry and Rick were getting ready for it.

"Here it is, Guys," Jeff said. "The moment of truth."

"Yeah, we know." Rick said.

"I never thought this day would come," stated Jeff. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, we know, Jeff," said Larry. "Uhh, good luck, I guess."

"You guys don't sound too excited about this." said Jeff.

"Well . . . . . actually, Jeff, we're all a little uneasy about this whole thing." replied Larry.

"I kinda had the feeling," Jeff said. "And I know exactly what the problem is."

"You do??" asked Larry and Rick together.

"Sure I do," said Jeff. "The boys are just uneasy about the fact that Billie's 10 years older than Scott. Anyone'd be uneasy having a stepmom a decade older than them."

"Whoa, that's not exactly what Larry meant." said Rick.

"You're all still hung up on Billie only interested in my money?" asked Jeff.

"We just don't think you should go through with this." said Larry.

"Forget it, Guys, there's no changing my mind." snapped Jeff.

"Okay, Jeff," said Rick. "We both hope this works out well for you. After all, if you and Billie decide to get a divorce or something like that, half of everything's hers."

"Half? Half of everything? Hers?" asked Jeff.

"Yeah. Well, good luck, anyway, Jeff." said Larry.

Both Larry and Rick sighed and left their friend alone. Clearly, nothing they could say or do was going to change Jeff's mind about calling off the wedding. However, upon hearing what Larry and Rick had just told him, Jeff was beginning to have second thoughts.

Billie was getting ready herself. She was in an upstairs room of the villa since the wedding was going to be held on the beach.

"Now let’s see," she said as she straightened out her dress. "I think I've got everything. And by the time this wedding's over, I'll surely have everything!"

Billie checked her hair and make up one last time and then started down the stairs. As she was coming down, Scott began taking photos. Billie had asked the boys to make the wedding the social event of the season and that meant all the pictures Scott could possibly take.

"Be sure you get my good side," Billie said. "Because if you don't, I'll kick your bloody arse!"

"Okay." Scott said through gritted teeth. Billie walked out of the room just then and Scott stifled the urge to throw the camera at her.

"I don't know why I'm even doing this." he sighed.

"Maybe we can still stop this before it goes too far," John said. "When he says the line about why these two shouldn't get married . . . . ."

"If we did that, we'd probably get our asses kicked," Virgil said. "That bitch is tougher than she looks."

Scott, John and Gordon all nodded. Virgil did have a point there.

About an hour later, everything was ready. Virgil sat next to Larry while Gordon sat next to Rick and looked at him.

"Any luck talking Dad out of this?" Gordon asked.

"None whatsoever," Rick said with a sigh. "I might as well get used to having a bitch like her about. Maybe it won't be as bad as me and Larry think it'll be."

"Right," Virgil added. "It'll probably be worse!"

Rick sighed but said nothing. Billie was starting to come down the aisle. She passed by Brains who was crying.

"What are you crying about?" Larry asked.

"I always cry at w-w-weddings." Brains sobbed as he pulled out his handkerchief and blew into it but it ended up sounding like a sick goose.

"Dearly beloved," Father O' Hara, Scott's favorite Catholic priest, said but Scott, who stood on Billie's other side, stifled a snort upon hearing that. "We are gathered here today to join Jefferson Beuamont Tracy and Billie Alison Grant in holy matrimony. "Do you, Billie Alison Grant, take Jefferson Beaumont Tracy for your lawful wedded husband . . . . ."

"Awful wedded husband'is more like it." Kyrano whipsered to Ohana who giggled quietly.

". . . . for sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?" Father O' Hara said.

"You bet I do," Billie shouted. "For richer and richer even! I'll bloody take him for all he's worth!"

"Do you, Jefferson Beaumont Tracy," Father O' Hara continued oblivious to everything. "Take Billie Alison Grant to be your lawfully wedded wife and all that stuff there?"

"Well . . . ." Jeff started, still thinking about how half of everything he owned would be Billie's if he went through with this.

"Come on, come on," Billie shouted. "I wanna get this bloody merger over with before the stock market closes!"

"Now, hang on," Jeff said. "I'm not exactly sure about this anymore . . . ."

"Oh, come on," Billie shouted. "Hurry up and get this wedding over with, you Yankee jerk!"

"Hang on, you Limey bitch," Scott shouted to Billie. "You can't talk to my Dad like that!"

"What are you gonna do about it, Fathead?" Billie asked putting her hands on her hips. She glared at Scott fiercely.

"Who the hell are you calling Fathead?" Jeff shouted. "You can't talk to any of my sons like that!"

"Oh please, none of them can even fight each other," Billie shouted. "There's gonna be some major changes around here!"

"Yeah and I'm making one right now," Jeff shouted and he began storming towards the house. "This wedding's off! Gat the hell off my property."

"Huh! But . . . . you . . . . you can't do that!" Billie shouted.

"I can and I will," Jeff shouted. "Rick, Larry, arrest her, she works for the Hood!"

Billie began walking for the door just then, all in a huff. Before Larry and Rick grabbed arm each, Billie turned toward Jeff.

"You haven't heard the last of me, Jeff," she shouted. "I'll bloody well sue you for everything you've got!"

"Take her away, Guys." Jeff told Rick and Larry.

Larry and Rick frogmarched Billie out off Tracy Island and into a police jet. Once she was gone, Jeff sighed.

"Well, there goes another whirlwind romance." he said.

"Don't take it so hard, Dad," Scott said. "She just wasn't the right one for you. But don't give up. I'm sure there's someone out there."

"Yeah, well," Jeff said. He was silent for a moment or so but then he finally stood up, and headed for the villa. "Don't just stand there, Boys! I need to find out how much time and money I just wasted here! Let's move! We've got a lot of work to do!"

"Sure, Dad," the boys all said and started to follow Jeff into the villa to hit the books. The others just started to laugh.

"Same old Jeff," Larry said. "He's not gonna let romance come between him and his money!"

THE END