"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Alice: "I burned my finger on that darn stove."

Ralph: "That is a shame. If you are no tbruning yourself, it's my food."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you."

(Phone rings. Alice picks up.)

Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you."

"The $99,000 Answer":

Ralph: "I am going for my pot of gold."

Alice: "Just go for the gold. You already got the pot."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

(Ralph & Ed are fighting.)

Ralph: "I have a million friends. I have 50 down at the bus depot. 50 down in the lodge. 50 down in the bowling alley. There's 100 right there."

Alice: "If you have so many, how come they never invite you anywhere?"

Ralph: "Because I am always with Ed and they don't like him either."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "How about last year at the dancing contest?"

Alice: "What about it?"

Ralph: "I won the rhumba contest, didn't I?"

Alice: "Only because I backed into a hot radiator."

"Expectant Dad" & "Adoption":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. They used to call us 'Big' & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"Follow The Boys":

Ralph: "My dad used to say this: 'For one of a nail, a shoe is lost. For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a battle was lost. And for one of a battle, a war was lost. And for one of a war...for one of a war...it was all lost.'"

Alice: "Why don't you get lost?"

"Follow The Boys":

(Ralph & Alice are playing chess. Alice wants to spend more time with Ralph by forcing him to spend at least six nights a week with her, much to his chagrin)

Alice: "I win Ralph."

Ralph: "Let's celebrate. You go out to the movies and I'll shoot pool."

"Operation Protest":

(Ralph wants to beat up Clifford because Cliff caused Ralph to be fired.)

Alice: "You are going to hate yourself in the morning."

Ralph: "True, but I will be happy tonight."