"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Hey Ralph?"

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Mind if I smoke?"

Ralph: "I don't care if you burn."

"Hello Mom":

Ralph: "Cream-chipped beef again?"

Alice: "Yeah, but I fixed it a new way, Ralph. I got the recipe out of a movie magazine. Its Ricardo Cortez's favorite."

Ralph: "Well, I hope when Ricardo gets here tonight he enjoys it!"

"The Worry Wart":

Ralph: "Now why do you think I would put my weight down on my income
tax report?"

Ed: "How should I know? You are the one that is being investigated."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "Now what we have to do is wait for Mr. Gleason to show up."

Ed: "That could be kind of tough. With the way that he's built, it's hard to tell if he's coming or going."

"Hero Part 1":

Tommy: "He (Mr. Kramden) was a a great end in football."

Ed: "Great? Probably the biggest end in the business."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ralph: "Are you sure that that suitcase can hold $40,000,000? Why don't you cut pieces of paper into the sizes of dollar bills and find out."

(Ed opens the suitcase to reveal that he did just that.)

Ed: "Small details."

"Norton Moves In" (Color version):

Alice: "You and Norton will have to sleep out in the kitchen."

Ralph: "Just a moment. Whenever you mother or your Aunt Ethel comes, I have to sleep in the kitchen. It's a good thing that we don't have a cat because if he ever wanted to sleep in the kitchen, I would have to sleep in a box out in the hall."

"To Whomever It May Concern":

Alice: "We'll just have to live on our expenses."

Ralph: "Swell. That will take care of tonight. But, what are we going to do in the morning?"

"Expectant Father":

Ed: "The sewer was swarming with FBI men."

Trixie: "FBI men? What were they doing in the sewer?"

Ed: "They were looking for wetbacks who were trying to beat the cross-town traffic."