my dad told me yesterday about a phone conversation he had with my older brother who is out of state. He said that he doesn't like talking to me because if we ever fight, my dad would take my side.... when my brother has always been the one to provoke me.

Like when I was 21 or 22, my brother visited when my mom was still alive, and I politely told him to just keep away from me and I'll do the same to him, and then he tried to choke me, and then told my mother (who was already very sick at that time) "f*** you, b****", and she was a very sick woman on an oxygen machine, so my dad threw him out. And then we had another scuffle the day of my mom's wake, which I was in the right in and my dad took my side. And now I'm not invited to his daughters wedding because I don't get along with him, when I'd be more than happy to see my niece get married. Oh well, at least we live 1000 miles apart, but it still ticks me off that my brother called my dad and told him that he hates the fact that he takes my side when we argue, when I have always been the innocent party with him.

Your brother reminds me of an uncle of mine, except that my grandmother always takes his side. ohno: Relatives.

Your brother reminds me of an uncle of mine, except that my grandmother always takes his side. ohno: Relatives.
to be honest, I don't even have a brother as far as I'm concerned, but it does tick me off that he's upset that my dad would take my side when my brother is the one who will start on me. My sister is not a fan of his either, my sister and I kept our distance from him during the whole funeral of our mom because it was not worth getting into it with him and it would've been wrong to make mom's funeral about him

I'm so sorry, John. ohno:

What a shame.

sorry to hear that man at times too my older brother can get on my nerves as well but nothing like that.

That's a shame - especially when your niece might want you at her wedding (but I guess if he's paying for it, he can call the shots). I just hope he realizes that his own daughter might hold this against him for years.

I totally understand your indifference to him. After my mom died, one of my brothers who was always a loser just totally alienated himself from me and my other brother. It's actually been nice and peaceful having him out of the picture.

Really sorry you have to deal with the bullsh*t.

my brother is officially dead to me now, as well as to my dad (he's been dead to my sister for years, she's a lot older than me so had to put up with his bull**** longer). My dad told me earlier that the last time he was on the phone with my brother, he started talking **** about our mother and saying blatant lies that my sister and I can both vouch that he's a pathological liar. He claimed that our mother was mentally abusive and bipolar, when my brother was nothing but a douche to her his whole life. My sister saw him cuss her out on a daily basis from the time he was in grade school and suddenly my mom is bipolar because she stopped putting forth an effort to be supernice to him after years of his bull****?

My brother is 48, old enough that he should be able to admit that he was a punk when he was younger, I can own up and admit I was a punk during adolescence and my sister admits the same, but my brother plays the orle of a martyr. My dad is finally realizing what me, my sister and mom all knew about him ages ago, that he is an unredeeming waste of sperm (my dad didn't spend as much time with the kids when they were growing up as our mom did since he worked fulltime and she worked part-time, so he wasn't exposed as much to him). I think the fact that he starts outlandish bull**** remarks about a person who has been dead for a couple of years has finally made my dad realize what a bad person his son is.

As far as I'm concerned, he is completely and 100% dead to me, saying **** about our mother, who is still dearly missed by her husband, son and daughter, was the last straw and there is nothing he can do that can take back what he just did. I know my mom wasn't perfect, but she was certainly a much better person than he will ever be.

to be honest, I don't even have a brother as far as I'm concerned, but it does tick me off that he's upset that my dad would take my side when my brother is the one who will start on me. My sister is not a fan of his either, my sister and I kept our distance from him during the whole funeral of our mom because it was not worth getting into it with him and it would've been wrong to make mom's funeral about him
I can kinda relate to your comment abt not having a brother. I have a half-brother whom I never considered a half-brother until 2004. He was my BROTHER in every sense of the word, until he screamed and yelled at my father who was dying of cancer. And he did that while I was on the phone with my dad. :mad: :mad: :mad: I tried in vain to let that pass and hearing my father tell him things like, "Your sister..." broke my heart because my father wanted us to be a family. Me and my sister tried. Long story short, I cut off any ties with him although I did see him in the grocery store two months ago and my heart ached and I wanted so bad to go to him and hug him. He sees my sister every so often but that is only because she was in charge of the trust account my father left behind. Now that she resigned, I am sure she won't see him around anymore. It was all abt $$$$$$. He treated my father poorly and so did his mother. So, technically I have a half-brother. I had another brother who died in 2002. NOW THAT WAS MY BROTHER. I loved him and he loved me.

I am sorry for what you are going through John. I only hope and pray that your niece can one day see the rift that came from her father's choices are just that...HIS CHOICES, not yours and not hers. You can send her a gift or a letter and let her know that whatever has happened between you and your brother doesn't mean you are not her uncle and she has nothing to do with the problem her father has. Just don't mention your brother like that. Just make the letter to her from you. The less you mention your brother, the better.

I can kinda relate to your comment abt not having a brother. I have a half-brother whom I never considered a half-brother until 2004. He was my BROTHER in every sense of the word, until he screamed and yelled at my father who was dying of cancer. And he did that while I was on the phone with my dad. :mad: :mad: :mad: I tried in vain to let that pass and hearing my father tell him things like, "Your sister..." broke my heart because my father wanted us to be a family. Me and my sister tried. Long story short, I cut off any ties with him although I did see him in the grocery store two months ago and my heart ached and I wanted so bad to go to him and hug him. He sees my sister every so often but that is only because she was in charge of the trust account my father left behind. Now that she resigned, I am sure she won't see him around anymore. It was all abt $$$$$$. He treated my father poorly and so did his mother. So, technically I have a half-brother. I had another brother who died in 2002. NOW THAT WAS MY BROTHER. I loved him and he loved me.

I am sorry for what you are going through John. I only hope and pray that your niece can one day see the rift that came from her father's choices are just that...HIS CHOICES, not yours and not hers. You can send her a gift or a letter and let her know that whatever has happened between you and your brother doesn't mean you are not her uncle and she has nothing to do with the problem her father has. Just don't mention your brother like that. Just make the letter to her from you. The less you mention your brother, the better.

I do plan on getting my niece something for her wedding, maybe a $100 giftcard or something along those lines. I think she and my nephew are both model young adults, despite who their father is. She will get something from me for her wedding even if I'm not showing up.

I just hate that I have tried for years to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that there is good under there, and then he goes and starts ****ting all over the memories of our mother because of his macho woman-hating pride who hated the idea of a feminine figure standing up to him.

I do plan on getting my niece something for her wedding, maybe a $100 giftcard or something along those lines. I think she and my nephew are both model young adults, despite who their father is. She will get something from me for her wedding even if I'm not showing up.

I just hate that I have tried for years to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that there is good under there, and then he goes and starts ****ting all over the memories of our mother because of his macho woman-hating pride who hated the idea of a feminine figure standing up to him.
I know that feeling of giving someone the benefit of the doubt, only to be shot down over and over again. That is what separates you and I from those who don't give a rat's ass abt how they treat people. You know the true story and you don't need to convince anyone else of that. Your brother's actions I am sure are seen by many around him.

My boyfriend has a strained relationship with his older sister like that. I keep telling him, "Forget that b*tch!" But like you, he keeps giving her the benefit of the doubt. I keep telling him, "How many times is she going to tell you she hates you? or she wishes you would die?" for you to GET THE HINT!?:crazy:

I honestly wonder if his wife will leave him now that the kids are becoming adults. I know my brother abused his first wife (my dad even saw him hit her once in the household, I was a baby so I don't remember it, but my dad and sister saw him hit her), whose to say he hasn't done the same to this wife.

Oh well, he'll end up having to answer eventually. I understand and can forgive the temper because it's a trait the men in the family usually have, but anyone who goes to the extremes he goes to is just wrong.

I'm so sorry, John. ohno:
Me too, my heart breaks for you. I'm really sorry to hear it. What a shame. ohno: