"Mama Loves Mambo":

Ed: "Now listen Ralph, as long as we are neighbors, you don't have to call me Norton. Call me Edwardo."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Ralph, I told my boss that I am not married and that I live with my brother. So, when he gets here tonight, you are my brother."

(Ralph walks into the bedroom.)

Ralph (coming out, yells): "WHAT?"

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous, that I couldn't answer the first question."

Ralph: "What question was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"Hair-Raising Tale":

(One of Ralph's failed inventions that was revealed in this episode was Glow in the Dark shoeshine polish.)

Ed: "Mr. Mitchell, would you like to try shoeshine polish that glows in the dark?"

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

"Battle of The Sexes":

Ralph: "Don't make a sound while I take a shot. Don't even breathe."

Ed: "If I don't breathe, I will die."

Ralph: "That's okay. Just don't make any noise when you hit the floor."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ralph: "How about the time when we were playing softball and you got
hit in the head with a bat? Who was it that got you a cab and took you over
to the hospital? I did. Who came and saw you every day? I did. Who got you
cigarettes and candy? I did."

Ed: "Who hit me in the head with a bat? You did."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(Ralph has every Raccoon believing that he knows Jackie Gleason and
will get him to come to the Raccoon Dance.)

Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Grand High Exalted
Mystic Ruler bought everybody a round of beer?"

Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee."

"Hair To A Fortune":

(Ralph accidently pours Ed's beer into the mixture that they are making to make the bair-growing formula.)

Ed: "I was looking for my beer."

Ralph: "You stupid stupe! You made me poor the beer into the mixture."

Ed: "Why are you calling me stupid for? I wouldn't have done it."

"We Spy":

(Ralph & Ed greet the girls wearing Russian uniforms. They try telling the girls the story about them being mistakes for spies in Russia.)

Ralph: "Honestly I am telling the truth. Where do you think we got these clothes from?"

Alice (reading the label on Ralph's uniform): "'The Fat Man's Shop.'"