"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "You once said: 'Ralph, I will be happy to live in a tent with you.'"

Alice: "I still am. I think it would be an improvement."

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "I'm the master of this house and you are to address me in a civil tongue."

Alice's Mom: "Oh, why don't you shut up?"

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "You have no sense of humor."

Alice: "Oh, yes I do. I married you, didn't I?"

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ed: "Trixie will go where I go."

Ralph: "Atta boy pal, put your foot down."

Alice: "What if she puts a fight?"

Ed: "I know what I will say to her. I will say to her that Atlantic City is CLOSED for the summer."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Alice: "Lucky suit? You haven't worn that thing in five years."

Ralph: "Do you know anyone who has been unlucky as I have in the last five years?"

Alice: "Yeah, me."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Who are they going to give your suit to?"

Ralph: "Some poor unfortuante that is broken-down."

Ed: "Yeah, someone who can't afford to dress as well as we do."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Ralph & Ed are being held hostage.)

Bugsy: "I promised my mom, I wouldn't kill an innocent man."

Ralph: "You are a fine man."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Since I have now become a Treasurer, I can now hang two tails on my cap. Maybe this is only the beginning. Maybe someday, I can become a thirteen-tail man. Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "It must be pretty important Ralph. A monkey only has one."

"Two For The Money":

Trixie: "Don't you ever think about us?"

Ed: "All the time. Why do you think we always go from bar to bar?"