"This Is Your Life Part One":

(Ralph is trying to catch people in the poolroom in hoping of finding who's seeing Alice. He already interviewed one person.)

Ralph: "Hey you."

Fat Man: "You talking to me?"

Ralph: "Never mind."

Ed: "Well, that's three down."

Ralph: "Three down?"

Ed: "He counts for two, doesn't he?"

"Nephew of The Bride":

(Ralph found out that Alice's Aunt Ethel and Herman are moving in since Herman lives at the YMCA. He picks up his hat and puts it on.)

Alice: "Where are you going?"

Ralph: "To the YMCA."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Alice: "Ralph, it's 2am in the morining and Aunt Ethel isn't home yet."

Ralph: "She better get home early if she has to wake me up at 6am."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ed (reading another one of the bottles): "'Oliveoil.'"

Ralph: "'Oliveoil.'" (yells): "THAT'S OLIVE OIL."

"Hello Mom":

Alice: "My mother is coming and you are going to be nice to her."

Ralph: "I'm going to be nice to her. That's impossible. We don't get along. We're enemies. Natural enemies like a boa constrictor and a mongoose."

"One Big Happy Family":

Ralph: "When did you get those glasses?"

Ed: "About four months ago. The doctor told me that I have to wear them when I read."

Ralph: "Do they help?"

Ed: "I don't know. This is the first time I have tried them out."

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "There's an honor with being Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler that is a benefit for both of us. If I'm elected Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler, we have the priviledge of free burial at the Raccoon National Cemetery? Do you know where that is? Bismark, North Dakota."

Alice: "Well, that's wonderful Ralph. Just wonderful. I always dreamed of going out west."

"A Man's Pride":

Alice: "Why can't we go to the Colonade Room?"

Ralph: "Name me one truck driver who eats there?"

Now on for my skit:

(The Kramdens and Nortons are preparing for a big New Year's Eve bash at the Raccoon Hall.)

Ed: "Boy Ralph, I can't wait for 2008 to come. This year was one of the worst years of my life."

Ralph: "Why?"

Ed: "I was blown away because of the high-tide 300 times this year on the job."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ed: "As far as the TV goes, are we watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve?"

Ralph: "Yeah. I want to see if Dick's voice got any better. If it doesn't, he should retire after this special or otherwise the people of today will remember him for what he is NOW!"

Ed: "I liked him better when he acted like 'America's Oldest Teenager.'"

Ralph: "Yeah, just like you are 'America's Oldest Kid.'"

Alice: "Ralph, the punch is almost ready."

Ralph: "Great. Let me taste it."

(Ralph does.)

Ralph (yells): "WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAA! THAT IS GOOD."

(Audience applauds.)

Ed: "Hey, is McGarrity coming?"

Ralph: "No, he got kicked out of the lodge for not paying his dues again."

Ed: "Hey, that reminds me Ralph. You were thrown out of this lodge a record amount of times. You were thrown out 20..."

Ralph: "All right pal. All right."

(At the party, everyone is drinking beer and getting loaded. They have the TV on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve.)

Ryan Seacrest (on TV): "This has got to be the coldest New Year's on record. It is 2o degrees."

Ed: "Where's Dick?"

Ralph: "Norton, you actually expect him to be out in 20 degree weather in the condition that he is in? He is in the studio and he will be counting down the New Year as only he can. He is the good one."

Ed: "Boy, that Ryan's last name reminds me of where I work."

(Ralph looks like he will throw up.)

(Later on. Dick Clark is shown on screen.)

Dick Clark (on TV): "This is the first New Year's Eve bash since 2003 that I have my normal voice."

Ralph (yells): "YEAAHH!"

Dick: "All right everyone. The ball is dropping."

Everyone (yells): "10...9...8...7..."

Ralph (yells): "THE CHAMPAGNE IS NOT KORBEL."

(Everyone laughs.)

Everyone (yells): "...3...2...1..."

(To be continued.)