"Brother-In-Law":

Alice: "My brother is as good as any member of your family."

Ralph: "He is still a bum."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Hide the money under the rug."

Ralph: "We don't have one."

Ed: "Take the money that you won from playing cards and then you will have a place to hide it."

Ralph: "Would you mind repeating that?"

"Hot Dog Stand":

Ralph: "By looking at me, I guess that you didn't think I was driving a bus yesterday."

Man: "Oh."

(The man is starting to bite his hot dog.)

Ed: "I was working in the sewer."

(The man stops himself from eating.)

Man: "Funny. I am not hungry anymore."

"Ralph Kramden Inc."

Ed: "Is that the crunchy kind of peanut butter?"

Ralph: "Yes, it is the crunchy kind and I can prove it to you. When this jar hits your head, you will hear a crunch."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "Stand back Ed. This is liable to be messy."

Ralph: "You are liable to be messy in about five seconds from now."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "All right Ralph. You haven't touched it in years."

Ralph: "I wanna keep it."

Ed: "He has a point Alice. He hasn't seen his toes in years and he still wants to keep them."

"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":

Alice: Alice: "I was thinking about buying this clock for someone."

Ralph: "For who?"

Alice: "For, um…my brother."

Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."

"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":

Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly."

Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?"

Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated."

Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Alice: "My mother was offered to appear in silent pictures but she turned it down so she can have a family."

Ralph: "For your information, the reason why your mother was not in silent pictures was because she couldn't keep silent."