"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "In six months, I will be dead."

Ed: "Doctors can be wrong too you know. Take a friend of mine for instance. The doctor only gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "He lived for almost eight months."

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "Alice wants a TV set."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, how did Alice find out about TV? I thought you kept her in the dark about things like that."

"A Matter of Record":

Alice: "Ralph, I told you that I don't want you calling her that."

Ralph: "All right, you are an expert on crossword puzzles. Give me another word for 'blabbermouth.'"

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

(Ralph & Ed entered the lemon of a cottage. The girls are about to enter.)

Ralph: "$998, we have been robbed. What are we going to tell the girls? They will kill us. They will kill us after seeing that place in the showroom. What are we going to do?"

Ed: "If it wasn't January, we can jump up from behind and yell: 'April Fool!'"

"Expectant Dad" & "Adoption":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. There isn't anything wrong with that. They called us: 'Big' & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"Adoption":

Ed: "Doctor can I ask a question that has to deal with the medical profession?"

Doctor: "Yes."

Ed: "Do you have any scientific ways of removing tattos?"

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Ralph: "Since we are going to be living here, I may need to get my wife some new clothes."

Bruno: "Don't worry about it. All she will need is a black dress."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Bugsy's gang surrounds Ralph & Ed.)

Bugsy: "These are my boys."

Ralph: "Lovely family."

"Two For The Money":

Trixie: "Don't you ever think about us?"

Ed: "All the time. Why do you think we always go from bar to bar?"