The New THEME SONG (to tune of original)
[(slowly)]
You take the good
You take the bad
You take 'em both and there you have
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
(slowly)
There was a time they had to go and show there grow'n now you know that they went through
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
YOU GOT THE FUTURE...IN THE PALM
ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET YOU THROUGH
IS UNDErSTAND THE FACTS REVOLE ALL AROUND YOU! ALL AROUND YOU! YOU-U-U-U-U!

You turn around who do you see
Tootie Blair Jo and Natalieee
Sexy Lingerie is what it's all about and suddenly your findin' out THE FACTS!


CAST:

Blair Warner................Lisa Whelchel
Jo Donohue..................Nancy McKeon
Natalie Ugurt...............Mindy Cohn
Dorothy Ian Rae.............Kim Fields
Mrs. Garrett................Charlotte Rae
Bev Ann's Ghost (voice).....Cloris Leachman
Bob Donohue.................Heath Ledger
Ray Ugurt...................Brad Pitt
Ian Rae.....................Chow Yun Fat


THE FACTS
SEASON 23
EPISODE 1
"Looking Back"

(THEME INTO SHOW)

[Ian and Dorothy roll in the kitchen making out as Blair is making breakfast]
Blair: YOU TWO! (Kicks them) GET OFF THE GROUND!
[they get up]
Dorth: Ian! Remember when Blair first kicked us to stop us from making out?
*********FLASH BACK*********
Blair: YOU TWO! (Kicks them) GET OFF THE GROUND!
[they get up]
Dorth: Ian! Remember when Blair first kicked us to stop us from making out?
********FLASH BACK**********
Blair: YOU TWO! (Kicks them) GET OFF THE GROUND!
[they get up]
Dorth: Ian! Remember when Blair first kicked us to stop us from making out?
*******2001*********
Blair: OKAY OKAY! I GET THE POINT!
[Mrs. G. drives through a wall on a motor cycle]
Edna: HEY! LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND! It is from when Natalie worked at that weirdo's shop.
Natalie: Hey! That 'weirdo' is my husband!
Edna: Whatever. This is called a Flashback Machine.
Dorth: A GOOGINBOBBER WATZIT?
Jo: She said Flashback Machine!
Dorth: Oh.
Edna: See, you type in what episode of what season--er---what year you want to go to.
Blair: Me FIRST! (Jumps to front) Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...I think I want to go back to..................
Jo: PICK SOMETIME BOZO!
Blair: Okay, when I almost got married in season 16 episode 5.
Edna: Okay [types it in] everyone touch the machine with any part to come with us.
Ian: Ohh! I'll touch it with my d-
Dorth: IAN!
Ian: OOPS!
(THEY ARE ALL TOUCHING)
Edna: HERE WE GO!
Machine: BEEP! BEEP!
*********Flash Back*************
Priest: Is there any reason that these two shouldn't marry eachotha?
Groom: Maybe because I'm gay?
Blair: YOU'RE WHAT!
Groom: You heard me.
Blair: Oh yea, I did.
Blair OF FUTURE: HAHAHAH!
Blair: HEY! HEY! THAT's ME! OF THE FUTURE!!
Blair OF FUTURE: Whoopsies! (hits machine and they dissappear)
*******END FLASHBACK*********

{COMMERCIAL BREAK 1}

Ray: Okay, Blair, your not supposed to make noise when you--
(get's cut off by Blair jumping onto him and kissing him)
Nat: BLAIR!!!!!!! GET OFF! GET OFF!
Dorth: Okay, I want to go to Season 22 Episode 11 "Beverly Ann is Back!".
[she touches the machine]
**********FLASH BACK****************
Dorth: Maybe if I put chocolate chips in the coo---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
BevAnn: I AM A GHOST! YOU KILLED ME! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME! YOU DIDN'T! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND MRS. CARROT.
Edna: It's Garrett.
BevAnn: You left me with these brats! I only came because Andy was soooo hot!
Edna: Eww!
BevAnn: I-I-I ra--
Natalie: MRS. G!
Edna: BEVERLY ANN!
Blair: I am a wizard! Beverly Ann dissappearos!
Edna: Blair, that was a one time Halloween episode.
Blair: Oh...
Dorth OF FUTURE: LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! DE JA VU!
**********END FLASHBACK************
Bob: Jo!
Jo: Bobby! Bobby!
Bob: Want to, you know, get busy
Jo: Later, we have this flashback machine!
Bob: Ooo, let's go to Season 13 Episode 20 "Naked"!
*************FLASHBACK*********
(Everyone is naked)
Bob: Jo-Jo?
Jo: Yes.
Bob: A piece of food is on my thigh, can you lick it off?
Jo: Sure
Edna: JO!
BevAnn: Edna, you look beutiful in that, nothing.
Natalie: EWWWWWW!
Dorth: Gross, Jo! YOU GOT IMPLANTS!
Jo: No I didn't!
Dorth: Those are scars, aren't they?
Jo: Yes.
Dorth: THEN WHAT ARE THEY FROM!
Jo: I, I had breast cancer in Season 8. I got a something-or-otherectomy.
Edna: Oh, JO!
Jo: Get the ____ AWAY!
*********END FLASHBACK****************
{Commercial Break 2}

Ray: Okay, Blair, your not supposed to make noise when you--
(get's cut off by Blair jumping onto him and kissing him)
Nat: BLAIR!!!!!!! GET OFF! GET OFF!
Dorth: Okay, I want to go to Season 22 Episode 11 "Beverly Ann is Back!".
[she touches the machine]
**********FLASH BACK****************
Dorth: Maybe if I put chocolate chips in the coo---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
BevAnn: I AM A GHOST! YOU KILLED ME! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME! YOU DIDN'T! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND MRS. CARROT.
Edna: It's Garrett.
BevAnn: You left me with these brats! I only came because Andy was soooo hot!
Edna: Eww!
BevAnn: I-I-I ra--
Natalie: MRS. G!
Edna: BEVERLY ANN!
Blair: I am a wizard! Beverly Ann dissappearos!
Edna: Blair, that was a one time Halloween episode.
Blair: Oh...
Dorth OF FUTURE: LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! DE JA VU!
**********END FLASHBACK************
Bob: Jo!
Jo: Bobby! Bobby!
Bob: Want to, you know, get busy
Jo: Later, we have this flashback machine!
Bob: Ooo, let's go to Season 13 Episode 20 "Naked"!
*************FLASHBACK*********
(Everyone is naked)
Bob: Jo-Jo?
Jo: Yes.
Bob: A piece of food is on my thigh, can you lick it off?
Jo: Sure
Edna: JO!
BevAnn: Edna, you look beutiful in that, nothing.
Natalie: EWWWWWW!
Dorth: Gross, Jo! YOU GOT IMPLANTS!
Jo: No I didn't!
Dorth: Those are scars, aren't they?
Jo: Yes.
Dorth: THEN WHAT ARE THEY FROM!
Jo: I, I had breast cancer in Season 8. I got a something-or-otherectomy.
Edna: Oh, JO!
Jo: Get the ____ AWAY!
*********END FLASHBACK****************
{Commercial Break 2}

Ray: Okay, Blair, your not supposed to make noise when you--
(get's cut off by Blair jumping onto him and kissing him)
Nat: BLAIR!!!!!!! GET OFF! GET OFF!
Dorth: Okay, I want to go to Season 22 Episode 11 "Beverly Ann is Back!".
[she touches the machine]
**********FLASH BACK****************
Dorth: Maybe if I put chocolate chips in the coo---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
BevAnn: I AM A GHOST! YOU KILLED ME! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME! YOU DIDN'T! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND MRS. CARROT.
Edna: It's Garrett.
BevAnn: You left me with these brats! I only came because Andy was soooo hot!
Edna: Eww!
BevAnn: I-I-I ra--
Natalie: MRS. G!
Edna: BEVERLY ANN!
Blair: I am a wizard! Beverly Ann dissappearos!
Edna: Blair, that was a one time Halloween episode.
Blair: Oh...
Dorth OF FUTURE: LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! DE JA VU!
**********END FLASHBACK************
Bob: Jo!
Jo: Bobby! Bobby!
Bob: Want to, you know, get busy
Jo: Later, we have this flashback machine!
Bob: Ooo, let's go to Season 13 Episode 20 "Naked"!
*************FLASHBACK*********
(Everyone is naked)
Bob: Jo-Jo?
Jo: Yes.
Bob: A piece of food is on my thigh, can you lick it off?
Jo: Sure
Edna: JO!
BevAnn: Edna, you look beutiful in that, nothing.
Natalie: EWWWWWW!
Dorth: Gross, Jo! YOU GOT IMPLANTS!
Jo: No I didn't!
Dorth: Those are scars, aren't they?
Jo: Yes.
Dorth: THEN WHAT ARE THEY FROM!
Jo: I, I had breast cancer in Season 8. I got a something-or-otherectomy.
Edna: Oh, JO!
Jo: Get the ____ AWAY!
*********END FLASHBACK****************
{Commercial Break 2}

Natale: Mrs. G! You looked sooooooo funny!
Jo: Wait, how come I didn't say I wanted to come back?
Ray: Because, the batteries are dying.
Dorth: JO! THOSE SCARS WERE AS VISIBLE AS FIRE IN WATER!
Natalie: GOOD ONE DORTH! THEY WERE HUGE!!
Jo: YOU TWO!
Edna: C'mon, Jo.
Jo: I HATE ALL OF YOU!
Bob: Jo--
Jo: GO TO ____ AND ____ YOURSELF!
Edna: Jo-
[Jo runs off into her apartment]
TO BE CONTINUED...


+++NEXT TIME ON "THE FACTS"+++
* JO MEETS A NEW GUY
* HE TRIES TO RAPE HER
* JO ALMOST MEETS GOD
* ALL OF THIS IN THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED, TRUE-TO-LIFE EPISODE, "Suicide".

Do ya like it?

Originally posted by DSFOL:
Do ya like it?

h*ell no

why not?

read it for yourself...u'll figure it out

Originally posted by JoJoJoJoJoJoJoJoJo:
h*ell no



I second that

I read it and I don't see why you don't like it.

Originally posted by DSFOL:
I read it and I don't see why you don't like it.

How can u not! It is insulting, rude, inapropriate(SP). There are better words i could use, but i would rather not say them in public!!!



[This message has been edited by Jo/Blair_fan (edited 11-26-2001).]

what the hell was that????

------------------
-colleen-
**************
jinny: who in the hell are you?
***************
JO rocks!!!!!!!!
***************
J: i'm gonna loosen some teeth!
***************
AIM ssgoalie8 or nmkjo