The New THEME SONG (to tune of original)
[(slowly)]
You take the good
You take the bad
You take 'em both and there you have
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
(slowly)
There was a time they had to go and show there grow'n now you know that they went through
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
YOU GOT THE FUTURE...IN THE PALM
ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET YOU THROUGH
IS UNDERSTAND THE FACTS REVOLE ALL AROUND YOU! ALL AROUND YOU! YOU-U-U-U-U!
You turn around who do you see
Tootie Blair Jo and Natalieee
Sexy Lingerie is what it's all about and suddenly your findin' out THE FACTS!
CAST:

Blair Warner................Lisa Whelchel
Jo Donohue..................Nancy McKeon
Natalie Ugurt...............Mindy Cohn
Dorothy Ian Rae.............Kim Fields
Mrs. Garrett................Charlotte Rae
Bob Donohue.................Heath Ledger
Ray Ugurt...................Brad Pitt
Ian Rae.....................Chow Yun Fat
Abe Dansen..................Eddie Murphy
Andy Moffett................Mackenzie Astin
Pippa Moffett...............Sherrie Krenn
Steven Bradely..............John Lawlor

THE FACTS
SEASON 23
EPISODE 3
"A Mudwrestling Championship"

Edna: A-A MUDWRESTLING MATCH! PERFECT! PIPPA, PUT ON YOUR THONG-THE-THONG THONG THONG!
Pippa: Already wearing it!
Edna: Okay, Blair, you be referee!
Blair: Okay, referee uniformos!
Blair: Now, I want a nice clean fight. Do any bad ____ and you are... OUT!
***DESCRIPTION OF FIGHT***
Edna jumps at Pippa who grabs her stomach and pulls. Edna screams and punches Pippa in the face. Pippa screams and pulls Mrs. G's springy hair out. Edna cusses and hits Pippa in the teeth. Pippa is now very bloody and Edna kicks her in the stomach. Pippa screams and tackles Edna down. Edna get's up, puts pippa so that her head is in the front of her legs and her body is in the back, and pulls. Pippa's head pops out of her body.

Edna: HAHAHA!
Blair: HEAD BACK-ON-OS! Edna, that was foul play, plus I forgot to put the mud down so we will have to fight a--
[Jo walks in]
Jo: I'm home!
Bob: JOANNE!
(runs and kisses her)
Bob: Jo, Jo, I missed you so much. How come you tried to kill yourself.
Jo: B-b-because I w-was r-r-r (starts crying)
Edna: Jo, it's alright.
Blair: NO IT ISN'T! SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN, YOU KNOW, RAPED, IF SHE HAD STAYED HERE.
Edna: Blair! This is not a time for ____ing!
Blair: By the way, you look like and elephant in that thong.
Edna: You little _______! (Tackles her into mud) You don't insult Edna Garrett.
Jo: Calm D-Down!
Nat: JO! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GUNNA CROAK, BE KAPUT!
Dorth: I didn't, I knew that you were gonna live.
Jo: T-t-thank you.
Dorth: By the way, what's with the stuttering ____?
Jo: I-I-I'm not st-tutering? A-am I?
Dorth: You are, oh h___ you are.
Jo: N-no I am n-n-not.
Nat: Y-yes you a-a-are.
[Mr. Bradley walks in]
Steven: Blair! I hear your single! Remember in Season 1 when you were attracted for me? Well, I am available.
Blair: Steven, that was so season 1.
Steven: B-but.
Blair: You sound just like Jo.
Jo: Y-you want s-s-st-tutering?
Blair: Now that just didn't make any sense.
Jo: You're a s-s-sense.
Blair: That made less sense.
Nat: Now, now, both of you.
Blair: ____ OFF! (hits her)
Dorth: That was b____y!
Blair: MUD WRESTING SHIP!
**********DESCRIPTION************
Everyone is in a ring that is filled with mud. Everyone is in bathing suits and they start fighting. Everyone stops fighting with their bloody noses and broken bones.

THE
END

+++NEXT TIME ON "THE FACTS"+++
*A season 1 character makes an appearence.
*This character notices Jo's stuttering, a lot
*All this and more in the new, highly anticipated episode "S-s-stuttering"

[This message has been edited by DSFOL (edited 11-25-2001).]