The New THEME SONG (to tune of original)
[(slowly)]
You take the good
You take the bad
You take 'em both and there you have
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
(slowly)
There was a time they had to go and show there grow'n now you know that they went through
(ROCK AND ROLL)
THE FACTS!
THE FACTS!
YOU GOT THE FUTURE...IN THE PALM
ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET YOU THROUGH
IS UNDERSTAND THE FACTS REVOLE ALL AROUND YOU! ALL AROUND YOU! YOU-U-U-U-U!
You turn around who do you see
Tootie Blair Jo and Natalieee
Sexy Lingerie is what it's all about and suddenly your findin' out THE FACTS!


CAST:

Blair Warner................Lisa Whelchel
Jo Donohue..................Nancy McKeon
Natalie Ugurt...............Mindy Cohn
Dorothy Ian Rae.............Kim Fields
Mrs. Garrett................Charlotte Rae
Bob Donohue.................Heath Ledger
Ray Ugurt...................Brad Pitt
Ian Rae.....................Chow Yun Fat
Abe Dansen..................Eddie Murphy
Andy Moffett................Mackenzie Astin
Pippa Moffett...............Sherrie Krenn

THE FACTS
SEASON 23
EPISODE 2
"Suicide"

NOTE: THIS EPISODE MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER VIEWERS (READERS) BECAUSE OF 1 SCENE.....


Blair VO: Last time on The Facts:
We looked back at the past 14 seasons and when Natalie and Tootie said that Jo's scars were funny Jo went over the edge...

Jo: I HATE ALL OF YOU!
Bob: Jo--
Jo: GO TO ____ AND ____ YOURSELF!
Edna: Jo-
[Jo runs off into her apartment]
[Jo climbs out here window and gets on the street]
Jo: Those jerks!
[Jo walks to a bar]
Jo: One Coors.
Bartender: Here.
[Abe walks in]
Abe: Hello, ma'am. I am with the, er, Money Foundation--
Jo: Don't wanna give anything.
Abe: No, no, you have won 1, 000, 000 dollars! You can receive it in the back.
Jo: Okay..
[in the back room]
Abe: [hits Jo] Your my ______ now!
Jo: GET THE ____ OFFA ME!
[tears off her shirt]
Jo: ____ YOU! ____ YOU!
Abe: http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/rotflmao.gif
Jo: YOU PIECE OF _____Y ____!
Abe: Just calm down ____, and I won't hurt you. Anyways, you don't look old enough to be pregnant.
Jo: I am 32 you ______er.
[Abe picks up a sludge hammer and knocks Jo out]
[Abe starts to undo her pants when the NYPD come in]
NYPD: You are under arrest for raping Joanne Donohue.
Abe: No, no, I wasn't raping her, we were...you know...making love.
NYPD: Then how come she was screaming "YOU _____ING ____!"?
Abe: Because I am so good.
NYPD: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Abe: Ugh.

{BREAK 1}

[This message has been edited by DSFOL (edited 11-25-2001).]