Hi, all. I have a question/favor to ask.

Does anyone know the words to the song Barney writes and hilariously sings to himself (to the tune of “My Darling Clementine”) after he has become a hero by capturing a crook that the State Police were also trying to catch? I don’t know the actor’s name who played the criminal, but if it helps, he also played a diner cook who was actually a Venutian in an episode of ‘The Twilight Zone.’

In the TAGS episode, Barney’s reading the lyrics of the song he wrote, and doesn’t see or hear Andy come in. Andy interrupts Barney singing by ‘continuing’ the song with some choice lyrics of his own – along the lines of “keeps a jail but cannot lock it/keeps one bullet in his pocket/Deputy Barney Fife…” LOL ANDY!!!

If anyone knows the words I’d be so grateful if you could post them here. That song almost made me fall off my chair I was laughing so hard, and I’d love to be able to have the lyrics in full.

THANKS!!

The episode you are referring to is from season two titled "Crime-Free Mayberry"
where two crooks pretend to be an FBI agent and a photographer. They pretend to be honoring the Mayberry Sheriff's Department for having such a low crime rate when they really have their eyes on the town bank.

The song is "Oh, My Darin' Barney Fife" (sung to the melody of "Oh My Darlin' Clementine")

In a jailhouse, down in Dixie, fightin' crime
and risking life,
Dwelled a sheriff and his buddy, pistol-packing
Barney Fife.
Oh, my darin', oh, my darin', oh, my darin'
Barney Fife.
He's a deadly crime-stopper, what a copper
Barney Fife.

One day there came a-ridin' two bad men to rob
a bank.
But Fife was tricky, a dead-eye dickey. Now
they're locked up in the tank.

(Andy added the following lines.)

Oh, my Barney, oh, my Barney, had a jail and
couldn't lock it.
Had one bullet for his pistol, had to keep it in
his pocket.