"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Remember last year at the Convention when the police were cracking down on the people who were throwing water bags out of the hotel window? That didn't bother me. I just filled up my bags with water and threw them out."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I almost drowned. The window was closed."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ralph: "You are the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a pocketbook on April Fool's Day. I wouldn't."

Alice: "You couldn't."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ed: "I wish that Trixie would make frosting that tastes as good as this."

Alice: "Icing? Ed, that's starch."

Ed: "It is?"

(Ed tastes it again.)

Ed: "I still wish that Trixie would make frosting that tastes as good as this."

"The Next Champ":

(Ed accidentally makes Ralph miss his shot while playing pool. Ralph walks up to Ed and hits Ed's foot with a pool cue.)

Ed: "Ow!"

(Ed hits Ralph's foot with the pool cue.)

Ralph (yells): "OWWW!"

"The Cold":

(Alice is taking the plaster off of Ralph's back.)

Alice: "I suppose you can't take off the top of your pajamas?"

Ralph: "You want to turn the cold into ammonia."

"To Whom It May Concern":

(Ralph says what he wants Ed to say in a letter to his boss.)

Ralph: "'You dirty bum!'"

Ed: "Don't you think that that is a little rough for a starter?"

Ralph: "Maybe your right. ‘Dear Mr. Marshall:'"

Ed: "That's better."

Ralph: "'...You dirty bum!'"

"Brother-In-Law":

Ralph: "I'm the boss. You're nothing."

Alice: "Big deal. You are the boss over nothing."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)

Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Your brother is a moocher, a swindler, and a bum."

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that your brother is a bum. Capital B-capital u-capital um. Bum."

Alice: "My brother is just as good as any member of your family."

Ralph: "He's still a bum."