JT
06-10-2001, 02:31 PM
"The Facts of Life"
Episode:"Soaps"
Synopsis:Blair gets hooked on soap operas (or the stories as she calls them).She gets to the point to when soaps aren't on she locks herself in her room.She then dicides to give up men.The gang then try to help her when she keeps missing work.
Cast:
Cloris Leachman
Lisa Welchel
Kim Fields
Mindy Cohn
Mackenzie Astin
Sherrie Krenn
and Nancy McKeon as Jo.
Scene 1:Living Room:Blair,Jo,Natalie
Jo(just walking in):Hey what are you guys doing?
Nat:Just watching All My Children.
Jo:You are watching soaps?
Nat:Don't worry we aren't hooked we just y'know have nothing to do.
Blair:Shh let me hear Erica!
Erica(on screen):Oh lover how could you?
Blair:See you made miss what he told her!
Jo:Blair,are you actually in to that kind of stuff?
Blair:No I don't really care I'm just a LITTLE interested.
Announcer:Next time on "All My Children..."
Blair:Nooo you can't go off now!
Jo:Not in to it heh?
Nat:Blair,it's OK it'll come on again on Monday.
Blair:I can't wait that long!
Jo:Stop playing around Blair.
Scene:2:Over Our Heads:Tootie,Blair,Pippa
Toot:Hey Blair Beverly Ann's bringing us to get some pizza wanna come?
Blair:No Tootie that's OK.
Tootie:Ok, but Blair you are starting look strange.
Blair:What ever do you mean?
Pippa:She's right your hair is starting to turn........GRAY!
Blair:Bite your tongue!How dare you say that?
Pippa:Here look in the mirror.
Blair(to the mirror):Hey there I'm back.Hey what that beautiful girl doing looking back at me?(now noticing the gray strands):What's that in my hair?Why is my hair that color?I'm only 24!
Toot:I read in a magazine that you could get gray hair before it's time by having less energy and doing less wo-Hey Blair why are your eyes turning black and blue?Did somebody cream you?Blair:Tootie I have no idea what's happening to me!
Scene:3:Monday:Living Room:Blair
Announcer:Like Sands Through The Hour Glass...
Blair&Announcer:So Are the Days of Our Lives.
Jo(stepping in the room):Blair,It's been two weeks now and your still watching those silly soaps!(shuts off the TV)
Blair:Don't do that!Turn that back on!(Starting to "play" punch Jo)
Jo:Blair,Your asking for it!I socked ya in the eye before and I can do it again to!
Blair:Just turn on the TV!
Jo:It's early in the morning and people are trying to get sleep!This is no ime for you to watch soap opera reruns!It's like 3 am!
Blair:Nooo your not Monica or David Warner and your certainley not Blair Warner so leave me alone!
Jo:No but I'm Jo Polnaczeiak Bonner I'm a resident and I know what's best for you.In the Bronx old ladies-
Blair:Here we go again!
Jo:Anyway old ladies are always losing there cool because they are addicted!And I think you have a job in the morning!
Blair:Hey it's my school I own and Operate it so I could do anything I want.
Jo:No because the Peekskill Superintendent makes that descision!
Blair:Please just turn it back on! Please!(now crying)Please Jo Please!
Jo:No it's to late and your starting to change Blair you are getting old-looking!
Bev(now walking in)Girls what are you doing up?
Jo:Blair here is getting addicted to soaps.Can you please tell her it's not healthy?
Bev:Blair go to bed!
Blair:Noo I'm going to build my life around the stories they are going to be my life!
Bev:I only used this word to Frank but Blair,TURN THE (beaver's home)TV OFF!
Toot(now everyone is in there):What's wrong nothing you all go back to bed you too Jo.
Blair:You made me miss half off it.I thought you loved me!
Scene:4:Eastland Main Office:Blair,Miss Mahoney:
MissMahoney:Hey Blair you got those papers signed yet?
Blair:What Emily oh yeah I got them but not all of them.
Mahoney:Where are they?
Blair:I got this one and this one but the others are lost.
Mahoney(notices Blair isn't at all sober):Blair,are you OK maybe you should take a rest.
Blair:Oh so my best and favorite teacher is turning on me too?
Mahoney:No I just thought you were sleepy that's all.
Blair:I'm getting out of here I'm going home.
Mahoney:You can't do that!
Scene:5:House:Blair,Bev:
Bev:Hey Blair what are you doing home?
Blair(ignoring her):I MUST SEE GUIDING LIGHT!
I MUST SEE GUIDING LIGHT!I MUST SEE GUIDING LIGHT!
Announcer:On the next Guiding Light....
Blair:NOOOOOO!Move out of my way I'm going lock myself in my room with this compact TV I got from the store.
Bev:Blair you...you....you need help!
Blair:Don't you talk about me like that you camper driving old timer!
Bev:Blair,what is with you?
Blair:Leave me alone!
Scene6:Later That Night:Jo,Bev,Andy:
Bev:I just don't know what's wrong with Balir!
Andy:Maybe she's just going through stages.
Jo:No I know what it is lemme tell you a story........Now when I was in the Bronx they had this lady named Mrs.Linguini she was your average old lady she had gray hair and she was always baking cookies for us kids she was a very nice lady.But then we got to seldom seeing her she never watered her plants never panted the house or nothing she just go old with the house.One day when I went over and asked if she wanted me to do something she got out a 2 by 4 and started swinging it at me.She said she didn't know who I was so I left and as I left she hurried to her chair as "Ryan's Hope" came on.It was so sad to see that woman waste her life like that.I guess this is whats happenign to Blair it's the Soap Opera Syndrome.
Andy:Wow I never thought it could be Blair I always thought Tootie or Nat might but Blair....
Bev:Well I'm bringing her to Dr.Meringue's office she's the one who helped me through Frank and My divorce.
Scene:7:Meringue's Office:Doc,Blair,Bev
Dr.Meringue:Blair,just try to stop worrying about sopas and you'll be cured.
Blair:There's nothing wrong but I'll try.
Bev:She will try I'll take her compact and I'll take the main TV and board it up untill she's cured.It'll be a great project for us!
Scene:8:Home:A month Later:Blair,Nat
Blair:What are you doing Nat?
Nat:I'm watching the Price Is Right!
Blair:Here we go again!
Guest Starring:Helen Hunt as Doctor Laverne Meringue.
------------------
All:Ahhhhh
Mrs. Garret: girls there's nothing to worry about.
Nancy:MIS-SUS GAR-RET!
Blair:I just got another one of my BRILLIANT ideas!
Jo:Don't yell Blair it's a lonely place up there.
Tootie:I just got the highest girls score.
Blair:Well it couldn't be little old me it couldn't be me.
Tootie:Yur right Blair it isn't you!
From the simpsons:
Announcer:Diners everywhere are going on strike saying chants like...
Florence Jean Castleburry:Kiss Mah Grits.
Prof.:That stuff can blow up.
Mary:My dishes
Ging:My jewlery
Skip:My nails
Howell:My golf balls
Miss.H:My goodness!
Episode:"Soaps"
Synopsis:Blair gets hooked on soap operas (or the stories as she calls them).She gets to the point to when soaps aren't on she locks herself in her room.She then dicides to give up men.The gang then try to help her when she keeps missing work.
Cast:
Cloris Leachman
Lisa Welchel
Kim Fields
Mindy Cohn
Mackenzie Astin
Sherrie Krenn
and Nancy McKeon as Jo.
Scene 1:Living Room:Blair,Jo,Natalie
Jo(just walking in):Hey what are you guys doing?
Nat:Just watching All My Children.
Jo:You are watching soaps?
Nat:Don't worry we aren't hooked we just y'know have nothing to do.
Blair:Shh let me hear Erica!
Erica(on screen):Oh lover how could you?
Blair:See you made miss what he told her!
Jo:Blair,are you actually in to that kind of stuff?
Blair:No I don't really care I'm just a LITTLE interested.
Announcer:Next time on "All My Children..."
Blair:Nooo you can't go off now!
Jo:Not in to it heh?
Nat:Blair,it's OK it'll come on again on Monday.
Blair:I can't wait that long!
Jo:Stop playing around Blair.
Scene:2:Over Our Heads:Tootie,Blair,Pippa
Toot:Hey Blair Beverly Ann's bringing us to get some pizza wanna come?
Blair:No Tootie that's OK.
Tootie:Ok, but Blair you are starting look strange.
Blair:What ever do you mean?
Pippa:She's right your hair is starting to turn........GRAY!
Blair:Bite your tongue!How dare you say that?
Pippa:Here look in the mirror.
Blair(to the mirror):Hey there I'm back.Hey what that beautiful girl doing looking back at me?(now noticing the gray strands):What's that in my hair?Why is my hair that color?I'm only 24!
Toot:I read in a magazine that you could get gray hair before it's time by having less energy and doing less wo-Hey Blair why are your eyes turning black and blue?Did somebody cream you?Blair:Tootie I have no idea what's happening to me!
Scene:3:Monday:Living Room:Blair
Announcer:Like Sands Through The Hour Glass...
Blair&Announcer:So Are the Days of Our Lives.
Jo(stepping in the room):Blair,It's been two weeks now and your still watching those silly soaps!(shuts off the TV)
Blair:Don't do that!Turn that back on!(Starting to "play" punch Jo)
Jo:Blair,Your asking for it!I socked ya in the eye before and I can do it again to!
Blair:Just turn on the TV!
Jo:It's early in the morning and people are trying to get sleep!This is no ime for you to watch soap opera reruns!It's like 3 am!
Blair:Nooo your not Monica or David Warner and your certainley not Blair Warner so leave me alone!
Jo:No but I'm Jo Polnaczeiak Bonner I'm a resident and I know what's best for you.In the Bronx old ladies-
Blair:Here we go again!
Jo:Anyway old ladies are always losing there cool because they are addicted!And I think you have a job in the morning!
Blair:Hey it's my school I own and Operate it so I could do anything I want.
Jo:No because the Peekskill Superintendent makes that descision!
Blair:Please just turn it back on! Please!(now crying)Please Jo Please!
Jo:No it's to late and your starting to change Blair you are getting old-looking!
Bev(now walking in)Girls what are you doing up?
Jo:Blair here is getting addicted to soaps.Can you please tell her it's not healthy?
Bev:Blair go to bed!
Blair:Noo I'm going to build my life around the stories they are going to be my life!
Bev:I only used this word to Frank but Blair,TURN THE (beaver's home)TV OFF!
Toot(now everyone is in there):What's wrong nothing you all go back to bed you too Jo.
Blair:You made me miss half off it.I thought you loved me!
Scene:4:Eastland Main Office:Blair,Miss Mahoney:
MissMahoney:Hey Blair you got those papers signed yet?
Blair:What Emily oh yeah I got them but not all of them.
Mahoney:Where are they?
Blair:I got this one and this one but the others are lost.
Mahoney(notices Blair isn't at all sober):Blair,are you OK maybe you should take a rest.
Blair:Oh so my best and favorite teacher is turning on me too?
Mahoney:No I just thought you were sleepy that's all.
Blair:I'm getting out of here I'm going home.
Mahoney:You can't do that!
Scene:5:House:Blair,Bev:
Bev:Hey Blair what are you doing home?
Blair(ignoring her):I MUST SEE GUIDING LIGHT!
I MUST SEE GUIDING LIGHT!I MUST SEE GUIDING LIGHT!
Announcer:On the next Guiding Light....
Blair:NOOOOOO!Move out of my way I'm going lock myself in my room with this compact TV I got from the store.
Bev:Blair you...you....you need help!
Blair:Don't you talk about me like that you camper driving old timer!
Bev:Blair,what is with you?
Blair:Leave me alone!
Scene6:Later That Night:Jo,Bev,Andy:
Bev:I just don't know what's wrong with Balir!
Andy:Maybe she's just going through stages.
Jo:No I know what it is lemme tell you a story........Now when I was in the Bronx they had this lady named Mrs.Linguini she was your average old lady she had gray hair and she was always baking cookies for us kids she was a very nice lady.But then we got to seldom seeing her she never watered her plants never panted the house or nothing she just go old with the house.One day when I went over and asked if she wanted me to do something she got out a 2 by 4 and started swinging it at me.She said she didn't know who I was so I left and as I left she hurried to her chair as "Ryan's Hope" came on.It was so sad to see that woman waste her life like that.I guess this is whats happenign to Blair it's the Soap Opera Syndrome.
Andy:Wow I never thought it could be Blair I always thought Tootie or Nat might but Blair....
Bev:Well I'm bringing her to Dr.Meringue's office she's the one who helped me through Frank and My divorce.
Scene:7:Meringue's Office:Doc,Blair,Bev
Dr.Meringue:Blair,just try to stop worrying about sopas and you'll be cured.
Blair:There's nothing wrong but I'll try.
Bev:She will try I'll take her compact and I'll take the main TV and board it up untill she's cured.It'll be a great project for us!
Scene:8:Home:A month Later:Blair,Nat
Blair:What are you doing Nat?
Nat:I'm watching the Price Is Right!
Blair:Here we go again!
Guest Starring:Helen Hunt as Doctor Laverne Meringue.
------------------
All:Ahhhhh
Mrs. Garret: girls there's nothing to worry about.
Nancy:MIS-SUS GAR-RET!
Blair:I just got another one of my BRILLIANT ideas!
Jo:Don't yell Blair it's a lonely place up there.
Tootie:I just got the highest girls score.
Blair:Well it couldn't be little old me it couldn't be me.
Tootie:Yur right Blair it isn't you!
From the simpsons:
Announcer:Diners everywhere are going on strike saying chants like...
Florence Jean Castleburry:Kiss Mah Grits.
Prof.:That stuff can blow up.
Mary:My dishes
Ging:My jewlery
Skip:My nails
Howell:My golf balls
Miss.H:My goodness!