"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ed: "Hey, what kind of peanut butter is that? Is that the crunchy kind?"

Ralph: "Yes, it is the crunchy kind and I can prove it to you. When this jar hits your head, you will hear a crunch."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "Ed, you didn't get the job of sewer inspector?"

Ed: "No. I washed out."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ed: "I would like my coffee with one lump."

(Ed rings the bell.)

Thelma: "You keep ringing that bell and you will get one lump."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ralph: "She thinks that the wallpaper is rotten, I think that it is pretty. What do you think?"

(Ed looks at it.)

Ed: "I think that you are both right. It's pretty rotten."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Alice (hugging Ralph): "Maye it's better with the lights on so that way I can see my big handsome man."

(Alice kisses Ralph.)

Ralph: "Have you been at that beer?"

"King of The Castle":

(Trixie kicked Ed out.)

Ralph: "I don't know what went wrong. I told you to say to her that you are the king of your castle."

Ed: "I knew my part. Trixie didn't know hers."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ralph: "It's that no-good landlord's fault. You take it too easy with him. You have to be hard on that type of guy. You have to tell him off and you have to tell him off good."

Alice: "I was waiting for you to get home."

Ralph: "All right. So go down and tell him off."

"King of The Castle":

Alice: "The Nortons just had a fight."

Ralph: "What do you want me to do, take on the winner?"

"Without Reservations":

(The first guest of the KramNor Hotel comes in.)

Guest: "Are you on Diner's Club?"

Ralph: "Heh?"