"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I hope you realize that water always recedes it's level."

Ed: "Yeah, we heard rumors to that affect down in the sewer."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Alice: "'A man works from sun-to-sun, but a woman's work is never done.'"

Ralph: "Good gosh!"

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ed: "It's not like I don't want to give you the money. It's what you don't do with it."

Ralph: "What is that?"

Ed: "You don't pay me back."

"Double Anniverasry Party":

Ralph: "You got to make sure that you don't say anything."

Ed: "Don't worry. You are looking at a guy who can keep a secret. Down in the sewer, we have a slogan about it. 'Keep your mouth shut.'"

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Freddie: "You only eat as much to help you stay alive Ralph."

Ed: "Even that will be too much."

"A Weighty Problem Part 2":

(Ed comes in.)

Alice: "Hi Ed!"

Ed: "Whaddaya say Alice?" (looking at Ralph): "Hello Skinny!"

"Petticoat Jungle":

(Alice wants to buy a bathing suit that Ralph thinks is too risque.)

Ed: "Get with the times Ralph. If Alice wants one, get her one."

Trixie: "Can I get one two?"

Ed: "You do and I will break your arm."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek after the makeup put some makeup on Ralph's eyes and lipstick.)

Ralph: "What did you just do?"

Ed: "I put a beauty mark on your left cheek."

Ralph: "Why did you do that?"

Ed: "Without it, you look exactly like Barbara Streisand."

"Life upon the Wicked Stage":

(Alice is dressed up as a hula girl. Trixie is dressed up as a sailor. They are rehearsing for a talent contest. Ralph comes in.)

Ralph: "What are you doing and who is he?"

Alice: "That's Trixie."

Ralph (to Trixie): "All right. What are you doing and who is she (Alice)?"