"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Trixie: "There is a sale on shorts. Norton can use some."

Alice: "So can Ralph. What sizes are on sale."

Trixie: "All sizes 32 to 50."

Alice: "No, nothing there for Ralph."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I hope you realize that water always recedes it's level."

Ed: "Yeah, we hard rumors to that affect down in the sewer."

"$99,000 Answer":

Ralph: "$600! Peanuts, peanuts. What am I going to do with peanuts?"

Alice: "Eat 'em like any other elephant."

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question they gave me."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"Lost Baby":

Alice: "What was a baby doing on your bus?"

Ralph: "You don't expect a baby to walk do you?"

"Double Anniversary Party":

(Ralph revealed his great plans for a surprise Anniversary party to Ed which includes Ralph asking Alice to go see a movie with him. He is actually planning on a Anniversary party at a restaurant.)

Ralph: "I hope she doesn't faint."

Ed: "I hope she doesn't faint when you ask her to go to a movie with you."

"Ship Of Fools":

(Ed is writing postcards.)

Ed: "'Dear Bruce: Having a wonderful time. Give my regards to Harry.' 'Dear Harry: Having a wonderful time. Give my regards to Bruce.' 'Dear George: Having a wonderful time. Give my regards to Bruce and Harry.' 'Dear Boss: Having a wonderful time. Hoping things are flowing along nicely. Suggest you keep an eye on Bruce, Harry & George as they are standing around and giving each other regards…'"

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU STOP THAT?"

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(Ralph tries to get Art Carney's autograph for Alice.)

Art: "What's the name?"

Ralph: "My name is Ralph Kramden, but she knows that."

"Whomever It May Concern":

(Ralph is worried that his boss will read the angry letter that he sent him. He wrote it because he thought he was fired. He was promoted.)

Ed: "I know what you should do if he fires you."

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Send him another nasty letter."