"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ralph: "Norton, you play gin rummy your way and I'll play gin rummy my way. My way is the scientific way - it takes a lot of figuring. For instance, I noticed that you picked up a queen, and I know you picked it up to make a run of three queens. I also know that you have a run of clubs. I also noticed that you threw away two sevens. Therefore, you couldn't possibly use the card I'm about to throw down which is a seven of spades. That's scientific figuring!"

Ed: "That's ever-lovin' gin!"

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "If you can write music, you can write any kind of music."

Ed: "Oh yeah?"

Ralph: "Yeah."

Ed: "Name me one Rhumba that Beethoven wrote."

"King of The Castle":

(Alice & Trixie are in Trixie's apartment. From the hallway, Ralph is moaning. Ralph is trying to play the sympathy routine. Alice is on to it.)

Alice: "If I don't pay attention, the moan is going to come in spurts
like this: 'Whoooa-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho!"

Ralph (from hallway, moans loudly): "WHOOOA-HO-HO-HO-HO! WHOOOA-HO-HO-
HO-HO!"

"Manager of The Baseball Team":

Trixie: "Ralph has a good head on his shoulders."

Ed: "What is this on my shoulders, a volleyball?"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ed: "Now give me the $5."

Ralph (making a fist in an angry fashion): "You want five? I will give you five right now."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Trixie: "Ed, did your first day really go well?"

Ed: "It was a dark, dark day."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Trixie: "You sold an iron to my mother."

Ed: "Not your mother. My mother. Tomorrow, it's your mother."

"Hair-Raising Tale":

(Ralph & Ed are making the hair-making formula in a bowl.)

Ralph: "You stupid stupe. You made me poor the beer in the bowl."

Ed: "Why are you calling me stupid for? I wouldn't have done it."

"What's Her Name" & "What's The Name":

Ralph: "Who was the dame we saw in the picture tonight? Mention the stars names."

Ed: "Gary Coleman. Lana Turner."

(Ed slightly pauses.)

Ralph: "Keep going."

Ed: "You keep going. I am still thinking of Lana Turner."

"Lawsuit":

(Ralph tries to put some weight on his bad leg while Ed is cracking walnuts. Ralph doesn't know what Ed is doing.)

Ralph (yells): "I BROKE IT AGAIN ALICE! I BROKE IT."

Alice: "That was Norton cracking walnuts."

Ralph (to Ed): "You are a mental case."