“Ralph’s Sweet Tooth”:

Alice: “I read in a magazine once that 50% of pain is mental. 50% of that toothache is here (mouth). The other 50% is here (mind.)”

Ralph: “For your information, 100% of it is here (mouth.) There is nothing up there (mind.)”

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ralph: "Dr. Norton is very modest."

Ed: "I wouldn't mind a few pictures."

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "You have no sense of humor."

Alice: "Oh yes, I do. I married you, didn't I?"

"The Loudspeaker":

Alice: "I suppose you were cold sober the other night you came home from your Raccoon Lodge Metting, flung open the window and yelled: "Hey Mrs. Gallagher, what is your cat doing in my apartment?'"

Ralph: "All right. I will ask you again. What was the cat doing in this apartment?"

Alice: "It wasn't her cat. You had your Raccoon hat on backwards."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "My mistake was not going to a ballgame the day I got married."

Alice: "What did you say? What did you say?"

(A pause.)

Ralph: "I don't chew my cabbage twice."

"The Next Champ":

(Dynamite is showing Ralph how to box as well as how Dynamite throws punches.)

Ed: "Murder him Dynamite."

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!"

"Follow The Boys":

Ed (reading): "'Four-letter word for place of dwelling.' I got that one. House: H-o-s-e. That is the trouble with these puzzles. They are not challenging."

Alice: "Yeah, they are easy. Easy: E-z-y."

"Follow The Boys":

Mr. Fallon: "Me and my wife have been together for 17 years."

Ed: "Just like me & Ralph."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ed: "Ralph, you don't look more than 10 years older than that sailor. Hey
kid! How old are you?"

Sailor: "I'm 43."

Credit goes to Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!