"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

(Harvey just saw Ralph "KO" somebody.)

Harvey: "That is some punch you got there."

Ralph: "It wasn't anything. I hurt him with my bad hand."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "That shows how much you know about show business. You're always talking about something you don't know anything about. Just remember this: Gregory Peck was an usher at the Music Hall, you know, when they found him, and Kurt Douglas was a soda jerk. So, there's a chance for me."

Alice: "Sure, you can become an usher at the Music Hall or a soda jerk!"

"The Prowler":

Ed: "I came by to tell you to put some stuff up against the door."

Ralph: "Thank you but I have already done that."

Ed: "How did I get in?"

"Two Men On A Horse Part 1":

Alice: "I'll go get a flashlight for you."

Ralph: "I don't need one."

(Ralph leaves and falls down the stairs. Alice comes by the door. He comes back.)

Ralph: "Well, don't just stand there. Get me a flashlight."

"Letter To The Boss":

(Ralph thinks that he has been fired. He lists all the jobs that are listed in the paper.)

Alice: "What is wrong with those jobs?"

Ralph: "Nothing except they are listed under: 'Help Wanted: Women!'"

"Dial J For Janitor":

(The house phone is buzzing.)

Ralph: "I'm not answering it. I'm not answering it. It can ring, ring, ring, but I am not answering it."

Alice: "But they are playing your song."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "You are so funny that I am going to put you in my act. I am
going to call the act 'Punch & Judy' and you are going to be Judy."

Alice: "And you are going to be Punchy."

Ed: "Punchy. Ha ha ha ha ha."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!"

"Petticoat Jungle":

Ralph: "You are going to wear the bathing suit that I gave you."

Alice: "I can't wear that suit Ralph. It has a whole in the knee."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Ralph: "We have something that is more valuable than all of what your brother and his wife put together."

Alice: "What?"

Ralph: "Our love. Now shut up!"