"Great Jewel Robbery":

Ralph: "In the race to get ahead, I am way out in front."

Ed: "Yes, you certainly are way out in front."

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "You are to address me in a civil tongue."

Alice's Mom: "Oh, why don't you shut up?"

"The Adoption" & "Expectant Dad":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. Nothing wrong with that. They used to call us 'Big' Ralph & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"People's Choice" (Color):

(Ed brakes a paper bag behind Ralph's back. Ralph thought that he was shot.)

Alice: "What was that noise?"

Ralph: "Babyhead (Ed) had to break a paper bag."

"$99,000 Answer":

Herb Norris: "What do you do for a living?"

Ralph: "I brive a dus."

Herb: "You brive a dus?"

Ralph: "A dus I brive."

"This Is Your Life Part 1":

Ralph: "14 years, I fractured myself just to take care of her. Now, I just saw Alice coming out of an Italian restuarant with another guy. That's loyalty for you."

Ed: "The least she could have done was take a bus."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(The makeup lady put lipstick on Ralph's lips.)

Makeup Lady: "Go like this."

(She makes kissing noises with her lips. So does Ralph.)

Ed: "Don't just sit there Ralph. Kiss me."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(Ralph is in the makeup chair. He has his eyes closed while the lady is putting eye shadow on.)

Ralph: "What is she doing Norton?"

Ed (stifiling laughter): "Nothing."

Ralph: "Then why are you laughing?"

Makeup Lady: "I am just putting blue eye shadow on."

Ralph: "Oh, that's good." (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE."