"Please Leave The Premises":

Alice: "You got fingers in your gloves. Fix the silverware."

Ralph: "How would you like some fingers in your nose?"

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "Why can't you get behind me?"

Alice: "It's not that I don't want to Ralph. It's just that there isn't enough room back there."

"Oh My Aching Back":

Ralph: "I am not the type that eats-and-runs."

Alice: "Eats-and-runs? With the way you eat, you are lucky that you can walk."

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "It is a good thing that you weren't married to Alex Graham Bell or he would have never invented the phone."

Alice: "It doesn't make a difference to me. We don't have one."

Ralph: "With your mouthpiece, we don't need one."

"Two Tickets To The Fight":

(Ralph wants to go to the fights.)

Ralph (yells): "I AM NOT MISSING THE YEAR'S BEST FIGHT."

Alice (yells): "LISTEN HERE. YOU TRY TO WALK OUT OF THAT DOOR AND YOU WILL BE IN THE YEAR'S BEST FIGHT."

"Expectant Dad":

Ed: "The sewer was warming with FBI men."

Trixie: "What were they doing in the sewer?"

Ed: "They were looking for wetbacks who were trying to beat the crosstown traffic."

Ralph: "Your brother Stanley isn't coming. Stanley is a moocher, a chisler, and a bum!"

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that he is a bum. Capital B-capital-u-capital-um. Bum."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "I don't mind if he eats like a garbage disposal, I just don't want him to sound like one."

Alice: "He has false teeth."

Ralph: "I know why. He wore out his real ones eating."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

(Ed is trying to get a tan.)

Ralph: "What is the foil used for?"

Ed: "To prevent the soot from the chimney from getting on my vest.

Ralph: "It would be a shame to get that vest dirty after working in the sewer all day."