(AmericanLife TV):

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Sat. Aug. 11, 2007 7p #49 – “We’re Off To See The Wizard”: The Honeymooners' Mardi Gras celebration turns typically topsy-turvy. A hotel mix-up leads the foursome to Emma (Doro Merande), Norton's very-distant relative. Emma, a phony spiritualist, takes them in -- then in a séance tries to take Ralph in again. (VCR Plus Code: 7508.)

Sun. Aug. 12, 2007 7p #50 – “Operation Protest”: Ralph gets his big break when he becomes public-relations director for his bus company. But joy may be short-lived: guess which bus company Alice's protester-nephew is picketing. (VCR Plus Code: 5909.)

Sat. Aug. 18, 2007 7p #1 - "In Twenty-Five Words or Less": Ralph wins the Flakey Wakey trip to Europe for four by entering a slogan contest. (VCR Plus Code: 9505.)

Sun. Aug. 19, 2007 #2 - "Ship of Fools": The Kramdens and Nortons sail to Europe. Ralph and Ed set themselves adrift on a life boat but are rescued some time later. Upon arriving in Paris, Ralph poses for a publicity photo and falls off the deck. (VCR Plus Code: 2426.)

"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

Little Man: "My pal Harvey is bigger than me."

Ralph: "I got a friend Shirley who is bigger than you."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "The theater has been in me all my life."

Alice: "Yeah, I knew that that wasn't your stomach. It was the balcony."

"Without Reservations":

Stan: "Are there any openings at the bus depot?"

Ralph: "No."

Stan: "Then how do you get in the building?"

"Dinner Guest":

Man: "Me and my wife are big TV fans. Where's the TV?"

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "It's out getting repaired."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "We don't have a TV set."

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "We don't have a TV set."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "It's out getting repaired."

Ralph: "What my wife is trying to say is that if we had a TV set, it would be out getting repaired."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Alice: "Well Ralph, I am ready to sit down."

Ralph: "So?"

Alice: "Well, who's going to help me with my chair?"

Ralph: "There's only two of us in the room so unless you have a torn ligament or something, you'll do it."

"Dial J For Janitor":

(Ed is trying to bang his pipes to get water for his apartment. Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, WOULD YOU STOP THAT BANGING? I GOT A
HEADACHE."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "I NEED WATER. I NEED TO TAKE A BATH."

Ralph (yells): "DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY DIRTY JUST FOR THE NIGHT."

"Unconventional Behavior":

(Ed & Ralph are handcuffed on a train. Ed tried syaing "Boomph" to get out, like he was instructed but it doesn't work.)

Ralph: "I have had enough of the boomphing. Get the key out and open
them up."

Ed: "There ain't no key. You got to boomph your way out."

Ralph (yells): "I AM GOING TO BOOMPH YOU OUT OF THE WHOLE CAR."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(Ed is ripping up his jacket just so he would look like a bum to get his suit back from the Help The Needy Society.)

Ralph: "I paid $8 for this jacket."

Ed: "Would you stop being so penny wise and half a pound foolish? You need to get the $73 from that jacket's pocket. $8 from $73 is, uh...You got a lot left over."

"Six Months To Live":

Ralph: "That does it Norton. In six months, I will be dead."

Ed: "Don't get so upset. Doctos can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine for instance. The doctor gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "He lived for almost eight months."

Credit goes to tvguide.com, honeymooners.net & Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot.