"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Alice: "I burned my finger on that darn stove."

Ralph: "Gee. If you are not buring yourself. It's my food."

"The Safety Award":

Ed: "Can I wear this hankerchef?"

Ralph: "It's one of my new ones. Remember, it's for showing. Not blowing."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "Why can't you get behind me?"

Alice: "It is not my fault Ralph. There is just not enough room back there."

"Jellybeans":

Ed: "I was in a contest once. You had to name all the states. I got gyped out of the first prize. I named 66 states. The guy that won only named 48."

Ralph: "You are a mental case."

"Move Uptown":

Raph: "That is a peephole. If someone knocks, you look through there just in case you don't want to let them in, like a delivery boy."

Ed: "The only thing you can deliver through there is a salami."

"Hot Dog Stand" & "Please Leave The Premises":

Alice: "Do you call a bowling ball an absolute neccessity?"

Ralph: "I certainly do. You can't bowl without one."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Ed: "Nobody is going to put you in a straightjacket."

Ralph: "Thank you Norton."

Ed: "Where are they going to find one big enough?"

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Doctor: "This is an aptitude test Mr. Kramden. You are supposed to take an object and fit it in its respective hole."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "I am a nobody."

Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago."