MOTHER LEARNS LATE IN LIFE TO ACCEPT GAY SON AS HE IS

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I raised our two sons and two daughters. One son and both daughters married well. Our other son, "Neil," is gay. He and his partner, "Ron," have been together 15 years, but Neil's father and I never wanted to know Ron because we disapproved of their lifestyle.

When I was 74, my husband died, leaving me in ill health and nearly penniless. No longer able to live alone, I asked my married son and two daughters if I could "visit" each of them for four months a year. (I didn't want to burden any one family, and thought living out of a suitcase would be best for everyone.) All three turned me down. Feeling unwanted, I wanted to die.

When Neil and Ron heard what had happened, they invited me to move across country and live with them. They welcomed me into their home, and even removed a wall between two rooms so I'd have a bedroom with a private bath and sitting room -- although we spend most of our time together.

They also include me in many of their plans. Since I moved in with them, I have traveled more than I have my whole life and seen places I only read about in books. They never mention the fact that they are supporting me, or that I ignored them in the past.

When old friends ask how it feels living with my gay son, I tell them I hope they're lucky enough to have one who will take them in one day. Please continue urging your readers to accept their children as they are. My only regret is that I wasted 15 years. -- GRATEFUL MOM


DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving, generous and forgiving son. Sexual orientation is not a measure of anyone's humanity or worth. Thank you for pointing out how important it is that people respect each other for who they are, not for what we would like them to be.

You could have learned that lesson long ago, had you and your husband contacted Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) when you first learned that Neil was gay. Among other things, the organization offers support groups and education for parents who need to learn more about gender issues. (The address is 1726 M St. N.W., Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036.)

I read this today, and it brought out a few emotions in me. On one hand, it was very sad because she and her husband missed out on so many years with their son, due to their intolerance. He died estranged from his son. I also found it very sad that her other three children turned their backs on her, while the son she turned her back on, welcomed her with open arms. It's a story of sadness, intolerance, acceptance, forgiveness and deep regret -- and it has a happy ending, but it took a lot of heartache to get there.

This was a touching letter indeed...thanks for posting it, Janice. I can't imagine how anyone (especially family) can shun the people in their lives because of sexuality :( It is is so sad to me.

I am glad this woman has seen the beauty in her son, regardless of his orientation.

What's up with those 3 other ungrateful brats? Maybe there were other circumstances behind it, but how rude to treat your mother that way. Blessing in disguise though I guess as she seems to be having more fun with the guys anyway. And she learned a lesson in tolerance.

This is indeed a touching story. I had tried to click on the thread to read the post but S.O. is real slow for me. Is it acting up again???????

Anyhoo, this story is sad, yet happy. Good things come out of all situations. Sometimes you have to really look. This story can be told abt a lot of parents who found themselves being shunned by their children, gay or not, rich or poor, male or female, etc. The story is made extra special because of the simple fact that the gay child who has been shunned by family, friends, society, etc. is the one who was there for his parent in the end.

Janice, I know this story touches you and me personally.

aw, how sweet. :)

I somewhat wondered how the lady changed so much after her hubby died. She said she was somewhat penniless. He husband must have put her thr the ringer. Or was she just a little lonely. Maybe money didn't play so much of part. It did make me say OH how nice for Neil to help out.

JESUS CHRIST, people like this make me want to hit them in the face. EVERYONE IS EQUAL AND SHOULD BE TREATED THAT WAY. YOU are a ****ing awful mother, if your arm did soemthing wrong would you hate it for it...well your son came out of your ****, so get over it lady and deal with it...people are such morons....her son should have said screw you mom!!! she really should just die, shes worthless. this issue gets me so upset...because every says oh "accept gays...yay gay associations and groups" NO....its not a choice...everyone is born the way they are and are shaped through their lives...you are so self indulgent if you even think you have the right to say if you approve of it or not. want to know what i dont approve of straight people...why are there no straight people organizations? people...honestly get a grip. homoseuxality has excited since prehistoric times and was encouraged in many different periods in time, stop being ignorant and UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get a life, the end!

Heart felt story,i hope people learn from this and not judge. Plus would she of still bothered about her gay son if her other child excepted her into there home?

JESUS CHRIST, people like this make me want to hit them in the face. EVERYONE IS EQUAL AND SHOULD BE TREATED THAT WAY. YOU are a ****ing awful mother, if your arm did soemthing wrong would you hate it for it...well your son came out of your ****, so get over it lady and deal with it...people are such morons....her son should have said screw you mom!!! she really should just die, shes worthless. this issue gets me so upset...because every says oh "accept gays...yay gay associations and groups" NO....its not a choice...everyone is born the way they are and are shaped through their lives...you are so self indulgent if you even think you have the right to say if you approve of it or not. want to know what i dont approve of straight people...why are there no straight people organizations? people...honestly get a grip. homoseuxality has excited since prehistoric times and was encouraged in many different periods in time, stop being ignorant and UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get a life, the end!


I see your point, but at the same time, she has come around to realize that she was wrong. Plus, she wrote Dear Abby knowing that it would be put in national newspapers across North America so she wanted to get the word out so that others wouldn't make the same mistake she and her husband made. She's trying to make up for her wrong and everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Afterall, we're all human and all make mistakes. I'm just glad she was able to realize hers - unlike her husband.

JESUS CHRIST, people like this make me want to hit them in the face. EVERYONE IS EQUAL AND SHOULD BE TREATED THAT WAY. YOU are a ****ing awful mother, if your arm did soemthing wrong would you hate it for it...well your son came out of your ****, so get over it lady and deal with it...people are such morons....her son should have said screw you mom!!! she really should just die, shes worthless. this issue gets me so upset...because every says oh "accept gays...yay gay associations and groups" NO....its not a choice...everyone is born the way they are and are shaped through their lives...you are so self indulgent if you even think you have the right to say if you approve of it or not. want to know what i dont approve of straight people...why are there no straight people organizations? people...honestly get a grip. homoseuxality has excited since prehistoric times and was encouraged in many different periods in time, stop being ignorant and UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get a life, the end!

I agree about everything said. It seems fathers are less likely to accept their son being gay, which is extremely stupid. I bet just because her husband got mad about it, she decided she should be too. I'm sick of parents also thinking that little johnny is going to turn gay because he is playing with a doll, or little suzy will be a lesbian because she is playing with hot wheels. If there is a parent on this board who thinks this way, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Even if they decide that the gay orientation is for them, who cares? So many morons in this country it makes me ashamed to live amongst them.

I read this today, and it brought out a few emotions in me. On one hand, it was very sad because she and her husband missed out on so many years with their son, due to their intolerance. He died estranged from his son. I also found it very sad that her other three children turned their backs on her, while the son she turned her back on, welcomed her with open arms. It's a story of sadness, intolerance, acceptance, forgiveness and deep regret -- and it has a happy ending, but it took a lot of heartache to get there.


Great thread Janice. Don't think I would have been quite as magnanimous as the son and his partner were. Any mom her turns her back on her son should sweat a little bit. But, yes, I am happy that it ended happy.

(BTW, that twin sis act Popo & Eppie had was somethin else.)