This is my first submitted fan fiction and i would like some comments. It is a silly one because my serious scripts are long. It is funny though and you will enjoy it I think!

BA:(Barges into girls room where everyone is sleeping except for Jo whos bed is made) Get p everone get up! (claps her hands brisquely)
Nat:(groaning and burrowing erslef under her pillow and mumbling) Its five thirty in the morning, are you trying to kill me?
BA:Were going to NYC today remember? To shop?We have to leave early to beat the rush! So get up (Pulls the covers off of Nat who moans and reaches for the tennis shoe on the floor)
Nat:(Throws the tennis shoe at BA but misses and the show goes flying towards Blairs bed. It hits the wall above Blairs head with a loud thump)
Blair:(Sitting up quickly wearing a sleep mask) Ill save you daddy!(groping wildly) where am I?!?
BA:(Goes to Blair and removes the mask)
Blair:(Sighs in relief) Don't do that me! I need my beauty sleep!
Jo:(Walks out of the bathroom already dressed)You can say that again Blair!
Blair:Normally I would reply with something equally cruel and insulting but its way to early. Why am I up this early again Beverly Ann?
BA:(Exasperated) Because were SUPPOSED to be going shoppin and..gets cut off by Blair who jumpsoff of her bed excitedly)
Blair:Shopping?Well why didn't you say so!(Runs to the bathroom)
Nat:I guess I must force myself toawaken seeing as you loud and unempathetic fiends will not allow me the slumber that I so richly need and deserve. O I am a tortured..
Jo:Shutup Natalie!
(Tootie is snoring away in the corner)
BA:(Walking out of the room) Were leaving in a half hour!
(nat and Jo look at Tootie and then back at each other grinning devilishly.they run over to Tooties bed and jump on it, pulling off her covers
Nat and Jo:Get up you have to get up....(The scene fades to the living room where Everyone including andy and pippa are getting ready to leave)

Id like some feedback on this section...Ill type the rest if you guys liked this part.. Its my first attempt and u cant really tell what is gonna happen yet but just wait!


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*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roy:Whats wrong my little cucumber?
Jo:Don't call me vegetables Roy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tootie:Muffy? What Kind of name is Muffy?
Jo:I dont know, Tootie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jo:Heres to those who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey

Please continue. I would like to see what happens. Thanks.

Jeanie

I think it's great!
~Danielle~

It's cute so far, nice to see something that doesn't involve terminal illnesses or someone dying. Those are fine too, but it's nice to have options.

Those were starting to give me a headache... Ok Im gonna finish it now if I can
: )

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*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roy:Whats wrong my little cucumber?
Jo:Don't call me vegetables Roy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tootie:Muffy? What Kind of name is Muffy?
Jo:I dont know, Tootie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jo:Heres to those who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey

this is wicked good, i want to see what happens next!

OH NO! IT DELETED THE REST OF MY SCRIPT! I HAVE TO START ALL OVER!
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/mad.gif
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/mad.gif
http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/mad.gif

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*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roy:Whats wrong my little cucumber?
Jo:Don't call me vegetables Roy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tootie:Muffy? What Kind of name is Muffy?
Jo:I dont know, Tootie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jo:Heres to those who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey

Ok here goes, Pippas gonna have some sorta strange lines and since I dont speak Australian (LOL) im just sort of guessing.
Just smile and nod.(its sorta a weird comedy like 7 little indians. It is not real dramatic it is fake dramatic so if thats what your looking for....)

(Everyone is in the living room putting there coats on and getting ready)
Pippa http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/redface.gif, Bev, I'm feelin sorta down and out today. i dont think I can join the hullaballoo in the city.
BA:I should probably stay home with you right? And uh, call a doctor!(actin sort of confused, remember, she is a ditz!)
Pippa:No really, I dont need a doc, I just need some rest. You blokes go on and have a blast!
BA:Ok, well, if you get really sick call uh, anybody you know....
Jo:Oh your REALLY getting the hang of this mom thing Beverly Ann!
(Everyone laughs and begins to leave calling Bye Pippa feel better! Next we see them they are all getting into a large elevator)
Blair:Next stop, Bloomies!
(Andy pushes the button and eyes the other passengers. One is an old man, and one is a 20 something girl)
Andy http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/frown.gifwalks to the girl, flirting) I act Old for my age.
The Girl:Im sure you do
Andy:So whats your name gorgeous?
The Girl:Carly
Andy:My names andy, I work better with older women.
Carly http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/frown.giflooks disgusted and turns away)
Focus on Jo who is huddled in the corner.
Blair:Oh, is big bad Jo afwaid of the itsy witsy elewator?? (baby voice)
Jo:No! Im uh, tired! (leans head against wall and pretends to fall asleep)
(Tootie goes up the old man)
Tootie:So, your going to Bloomingdales huh?
Man(Mr X):Yah, I like there clothes
Tootie:You like Bloomingdales clothes..... Thats nice....
Mr X:Yah, my wife works there and she gets clothes in the Hefty Hunnies department 25 percent off. She buys me all my clothes.
Tootie http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/frown.gifNotices he is wearing a cashmere sweater)Uh, it was uh nice meeting you...(begins to back away)
Mr X:you too, maybe we could get together sometime?
Tootie:uh, sure, Id uh, like that!(sarcastic)
Natalie:Why is this elevator taking so long?(Elevator grinds to a halt and the lights begin to flicker)
Jo:WERE ALL GONNA DIE!
(The lights go out and everyone screams)
Jo:I KNEW there was something wrong with this elevator the minute we got on it!
Blair:Im gonna miss the sale!
Andy:Here Carly Ill hold you so you wont get scared!
Carly:Oh no you wont! (slapping sound)
Tootie:Are you trying to steal my sweater?!
Mr X:I Like Wool!!!
BA:The elevator stopped!
(Lights flicker back on. Everyone is in dramatic poses, Andy is holding his cheek (carly slapped him if you didnt catch that part) Jo is sobbing into her arms, Blair is looking at her watch (because of the sale) Mr X is grabbing Tooties sweater and shes pulling away angrily, BA has her finger on a button, Carly has her arms crossed and Natalie is standing in the middle of the elevator looking confused)preferably it cuts to a commercial right about now
Natalie:Uhoh
Tootie:Were in trooouble!
Jo:Oh no oh no oh no oh no!
Blair:Calm down Jo, someone is bound to come get us soon!
Natalie:yah, they'll know that the elevator stopped!
BA:Hey look, a trap door! We can get out that way!
Carly http://www.sitcomsonline.com/ubb/frown.gifpulls out a gun) Oh no you cant!
everyone gasps
((Sorry, more later!)

------------------
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roy:Whats wrong my little cucumber?
Jo:Don't call me vegetables Roy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tootie:Muffy? What Kind of name is Muffy?
Jo:I dont know, Tootie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jo:Heres to those who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey

Ok here goes, Pippas gonna have some sorta strange lines and since I dont speak Australian (LOL) im just sort of guessing.
Just smile and nod.(its sorta a weird comedy like 7 little indians. It is not real dramatic it is fake dramatic so if thats what your looking for....)

(Everyone is in the living room putting there coats on and getting ready)
Pippa:o, Bev, I'm feelin sorta down and out today. i dont think I can join the hullaballoo in the city.
BA:I should probably stay home with you right? And uh, call a doctor!(actin sort of confused, remember, she is a ditz!)
Pippa:No really, I dont need a doc, I just need some rest. You blokes go on and have a blast!
BA:Ok, well, if you get really sick call uh, anybody you know....
Jo:Oh your REALLY getting the hang of this mom thing Beverly Ann!
(Everyone laughs and begins to leave calling Bye Pippa feel better! Next we see them they are all getting into a large elevator)
Blair:Next stop, Bloomies!
(Andy pushes the button and eyes the other passengers. One is an old man, and one is a 20 something girl)
Andy:(walks to the girl, flirting) I act Old for my age.
The Girl:Im sure you do
Andy:So whats your name gorgeous?
The Girl:Carly
Andy:My names andy, I work better with older women.
Carly:(looks disgusted and turns away)
Focus on Jo who is huddled in the corner.
Blair:Oh, is big bad Jo afwaid of the itsy witsy elewator?? (baby voice)
Jo:No! Im uh, tired! (leans head against wall and pretends to fall asleep)
(Tootie goes up the old man)
Tootie:So, your going to Bloomingdales huh?
Man(Mr X):Yah, I like there clothes
Tootie:You like Bloomingdales clothes..... Thats nice....
Mr X:Yah, my wife works there and she gets clothes in the Hefty Hunnies department 25 percent off. She buys me all my clothes.
Tootie:(Notices he is wearing a cashmere sweater)Uh, it was uh nice meeting you...(begins to back away)
Mr X:you too, maybe we could get together sometime?
Tootie:uh, sure, Id uh, like that!(sarcastic)
Natalie:Why is this elevator taking so long?(Elevator grinds to a halt and the lights begin to flicker)
Jo:WERE ALL GONNA DIE!
(The lights go out and everyone screams)
Jo:I KNEW there was something wrong with this elevator the minute we got on it!
Blair:Im gonna miss the sale!
Andy:Here Carly Ill hold you so you wont get scared!
Carly:Oh no you wont! (slapping sound)
Tootie:Are you trying to steal my sweater?!
Mr X:I Like Wool!!!
BA:The elevator stopped!
(Lights flicker back on. Everyone is in dramatic poses, Andy is holding his cheek (carly slapped him if you didnt catch that part) Jo is sobbing into her arms, Blair is looking at her watch (because of the sale) Mr X is grabbing Tooties sweater and shes pulling away angrily, BA has her finger on a button, Carly has her arms crossed and Natalie is standing in the middle of the elevator looking confused)preferably it cuts to a commercial right about now
Natalie:Uhoh
Tootie:Were in trooouble!
Jo:Oh no oh no oh no oh no!
Blair:Calm down Jo, someone is bound to come get us soon!
Natalie:yah, they'll know that the elevator stopped!
BA:Hey look, a trap door! We can get out that way!
Carly:(pulls out a gun) Oh no you cant!
everyone gasps
((Sorry, more later!)

------------------
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Roy:Whats wrong my little cucumber?
Jo:Don't call me vegetables Roy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tootie:Muffy? What Kind of name is Muffy?
Jo:I dont know, Tootie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jo:Heres to those who wish me well, all the rest can go to...Jersey

this is really good, i cant wait to read what happens next~!

Great work! Write more soon!

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J: You mean 50/50? Uh... 50/50...50?
B: Good, Jo! Why don't you do the books?
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B: A fire! There's been a fire here!
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B: And how are we, Aunt Natalie?
N: We are suicidal!
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Bailey: They losted me!
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T: You mean the agony of da feet!
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T: Did I lie?
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T: They can't dance? Ha! That's like the pot calling the kettle black!
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N: E Pluribus Unum; have a nice day!
----------
~Danielle~

I really like it!

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J: Partners? You mean 50/50? Uh... 50/50...50?
B: Oh, good, Jo. We'll let you do the books!

Hey, what happened to this one? Write more! I HATE ABANDONED FANFICTIONS!!!! If you're not going to finish them, don't post them. Please finish it soon!

[This message has been edited by TVaddict (edited 01-26-2001).]