"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "You once said: 'Ralph, I would be happy to live in a tent with you.'"

Alice: "I still am. I think it would be an improvement."

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "You are supposed to waddle like a duck."

Ralph: "How can I do that?"

Ed: "It's easy. Just walk like you always do."

"A Matter of Life & Death":

(Alice looks at the letter that Ralph claims says he is dying. She laughs because it is taking about Mom's dog Ginger.)

Alice: "This is a riot."

Ralph: "This is a riot. We will see how much of a riot it is when you have to finish the payments on the ice box."

"Finders Keepers":

Ed: "You can still come up empty you know."

Ralph: "The only thing empty around here is your head."

"Love Letter":

Mrs. Paterson: "This person spells beauty. B-u-t-e-y."

Ed: "That is the way I spell it."

Mrs. Paterson: "It is spelled b-e-a-u-t-y."

Ralph: "Why did you tell him. Why didn't you let him wallow in his own ignorance?"

"Songwriters":

Ed: "If Rogers ever treated Hammerstein like this, there would be no Some Enchanted Evening."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ed: "Ralph, I think I am sitting on a splinter."

Ralph: "Stay there."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph (yells): "GRAB A MOP AND START MOPPING."

Alice: "Only if I use you as a mop."

Ralph (yells): "I AM GOING TO COUNT TO FIVE AND IF YOU ARE NOT MOPPING WHEN I COUNT TO FIVE, LOOK OUT. ONE! THERE YOU ARE. THAT'S ONE…TWO, THERE'S TWO. ONE! TWO! THREE IS COMING NEXT…THREE! AFTER THREE COMES FOUR. FOUR IS NEXT. YOU KNOW FOUR IS NEXT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS NEXT?"

Alice: "Why don't you say it?"

Ralph (yells): "FIVE! ALL RIGHT I AM GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I AM
GOING TO DO. THE NEXT TIME YOU BLEACH YOUR HAIR, I WON'T TOUCH YOUR ROOTS."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "The guest doesn't have to lift a finger."

Ed: "Neither does the manager."