"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "Why can't you get behind me?"

Alice: "It's not my fault Ralph. It's just that there is not enough room back there."

"The Safety Award":

Man: "How close are you to Mr. Kramden?"

Ed: "I'm as close as anybody can get to Ralph Kramden."

"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Ralph: "After tonight, I might have my own pool table in my apartment."

Ed: "If you do, you will probably have to stand on the sink to make a shot."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ralph: "You have no foresight. You can't see this far in front of your nose."

Alice: "And that is another thing. I need glasses."

"Jellybeans":

Ed: "I was in a contest once. You had to name all the states. I was jiped out of the first prize. I named 66 states. The guy that won only named 48."

Ralph: "You are a mental case."

"What's The Name" & "What's Her Name":

(Ed is trying to see the theater marquee by looking out of Ralph's window.)

Alice: "Be careful Ed. You might fall out."

Ralph: "That is a chance we got to take."

"To Whomever It May Concern":

(Ed wrote SWAK on the back of Ralph's letter.)

Ralph: "You wrote Sealed With A Kiss?"

Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings."

"The Mexican Hat Trick":

(Ralph puts on a Mexican Sombrerro.)

Ralph: "Well Norton, do I look like a gay Cabrello?"

Ed: "Let me see you walk."

"The Mexian Hat Trick":

(Ralph is disguised as El Diablo and Ed is disguised as El Norto at the El Bar-Ocho Cafe. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake.)

Ralph: "What was that all about?"

Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?"