Brian Damage
05-03-2007, 11:51 PM
The Best
1. "Dancing with the Stars," ABC
A great concept, cool visuals (Americans would rather watch dance than actually do it), real skills to observe and distinct personalities to root for. Plus, it's nice to watch celebs who have some talent beyond having been famous. This season, keep an eye on Lisa Rinna, who's far sharper than her acting career thus far would suggest. And maybe George Hamilton, though I'd rather watch his ex, Alana, and her wacky daughter with Rod Stewart, Kimberly: "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco," indeed.
2. "Celebrity Fit Club," VH1
I doubt there will be a better season than its first with Daniel ("@#$%^&*") Baldwin. Boy, was he mad. (Did he ever lose any weight? I dare someone to ask him.) This season the pudgy crew includes Dustin Diamond, fresh off his sex tape escapes, ex-"American Idol" alum Kimberley Locke, and Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick).
3. "Celebrity Boxing," FOX
Gone but not forgotten, this brilliantly lowbrow series launched the train-wreck branch of celeb reality TV in 2002. The cast was unparalleled: Tonya Harding, Paula Jones, Barry Williams, Vanilla Ice and Danny Bonaduce (the latter two thus launching their second lives as professional has-beens). FOX was smart to ax it, but for better or worse it was compulsively watchable, and its fabulously evil spawn include "Being Bobby Brown" (Bravo) and all the Bonaduce sagas including "Breaking Bonaduce" on VH1 (Where is that going to end, by the way -- "Burying Bonaduce"?). The answer to life's biggest rhetorical question: "How low can you go?"
4. "The Simple Life," FOX
Yes, they're famous just for being famous, but former (current?) BFFs Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are still celebs and still make for some of the best spoiled-fish-out-of-water TV. The fourth season of the show found the pair playing "wife" to a different family each week, only never at the same time since the former friends couldn't stomach being on screen together. The duo has since reconciled and will appear together again in the fifth installment, though only time will tell whether it will be as fun as watching them perform "wifely" tasks (besides the ones we already knew Paris could do).
5. "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-list," Bravo
This was short-lived but hysterical, almost as funny as Griffin's must-see stand-up act. This is a gal who's a has-been and is proud of it; her refreshing candor makes her seem a rung or two higher than the usual celeb reality chaff. For some reason we really want Kathy to be happy, and we're sad she's getting divorced from Matt, but the show did underscore some, shall we say, issues. We wish them both the best. And we and the Claymates of America will be glued to her new series, "Allegedly."
6. "The Osbournes," MTV
Addictive and sympathetic, this show was a great combo of lust for seeing how the other half lived and gratitude we didn't have to. But beyond the bad tats, the kids in rehab, the piles of dog poop, was the real love between Ozzy and Sharon. Now Jack's lost weight, Kelly's (mostly) not a fashion victim, Sharon's had those mega-implants downsized and Ozzy looks like he's been taking his vitamins. Group hug! Wanna-be "Run's House" on MTV isn' t nearly as consistent, though the Rev's got some depth.
Runners-up: "Rock Star," CBS: loved the show, not so sure about the resulting band; "Punk'd," MTV: does it count when there's only one celeb (Ashton)?; "The Newlyweds," MTV: everyone was glued to it; and everyone's not surprised what happened. A sequel? Please? "The Divorcees," featuring bitter legal mediation, Joe's running commentary on his daughter's physical assets and lap dances for Nick as necessary.
1. "Dancing with the Stars," ABC
A great concept, cool visuals (Americans would rather watch dance than actually do it), real skills to observe and distinct personalities to root for. Plus, it's nice to watch celebs who have some talent beyond having been famous. This season, keep an eye on Lisa Rinna, who's far sharper than her acting career thus far would suggest. And maybe George Hamilton, though I'd rather watch his ex, Alana, and her wacky daughter with Rod Stewart, Kimberly: "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco," indeed.
2. "Celebrity Fit Club," VH1
I doubt there will be a better season than its first with Daniel ("@#$%^&*") Baldwin. Boy, was he mad. (Did he ever lose any weight? I dare someone to ask him.) This season the pudgy crew includes Dustin Diamond, fresh off his sex tape escapes, ex-"American Idol" alum Kimberley Locke, and Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick).
3. "Celebrity Boxing," FOX
Gone but not forgotten, this brilliantly lowbrow series launched the train-wreck branch of celeb reality TV in 2002. The cast was unparalleled: Tonya Harding, Paula Jones, Barry Williams, Vanilla Ice and Danny Bonaduce (the latter two thus launching their second lives as professional has-beens). FOX was smart to ax it, but for better or worse it was compulsively watchable, and its fabulously evil spawn include "Being Bobby Brown" (Bravo) and all the Bonaduce sagas including "Breaking Bonaduce" on VH1 (Where is that going to end, by the way -- "Burying Bonaduce"?). The answer to life's biggest rhetorical question: "How low can you go?"
4. "The Simple Life," FOX
Yes, they're famous just for being famous, but former (current?) BFFs Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are still celebs and still make for some of the best spoiled-fish-out-of-water TV. The fourth season of the show found the pair playing "wife" to a different family each week, only never at the same time since the former friends couldn't stomach being on screen together. The duo has since reconciled and will appear together again in the fifth installment, though only time will tell whether it will be as fun as watching them perform "wifely" tasks (besides the ones we already knew Paris could do).
5. "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-list," Bravo
This was short-lived but hysterical, almost as funny as Griffin's must-see stand-up act. This is a gal who's a has-been and is proud of it; her refreshing candor makes her seem a rung or two higher than the usual celeb reality chaff. For some reason we really want Kathy to be happy, and we're sad she's getting divorced from Matt, but the show did underscore some, shall we say, issues. We wish them both the best. And we and the Claymates of America will be glued to her new series, "Allegedly."
6. "The Osbournes," MTV
Addictive and sympathetic, this show was a great combo of lust for seeing how the other half lived and gratitude we didn't have to. But beyond the bad tats, the kids in rehab, the piles of dog poop, was the real love between Ozzy and Sharon. Now Jack's lost weight, Kelly's (mostly) not a fashion victim, Sharon's had those mega-implants downsized and Ozzy looks like he's been taking his vitamins. Group hug! Wanna-be "Run's House" on MTV isn' t nearly as consistent, though the Rev's got some depth.
Runners-up: "Rock Star," CBS: loved the show, not so sure about the resulting band; "Punk'd," MTV: does it count when there's only one celeb (Ashton)?; "The Newlyweds," MTV: everyone was glued to it; and everyone's not surprised what happened. A sequel? Please? "The Divorcees," featuring bitter legal mediation, Joe's running commentary on his daughter's physical assets and lap dances for Nick as necessary.