(Part 12) (The NY Rangers beat the Ottawa Senators 2-1.)

"A Matter of Life & Death":

Ed: "How about a kiss Trixie?"

Trixie: "I'm too tired."

Ed: "How do you like that? I worked in the sewer all day and she's tired."

Trixie: "That is another reason."

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "You once said: 'Ralph, I would be happy to live in a tent with you.'"

Alice: "I still am. I think it would be an improvement."

"Dial J For Janitor":

(The house phone is buzzing.)

Ralph: "I'm not answering it. I'm not answering it. It can ring, ring, ring, but I am not answering it."

Alice: "But they are playing your song."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "I know how to throw my weight around."

Alice: "If you knew how to do that, you wouldn't leave it where it is."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Alice: "Is everything fine?"

Ralph: "Everything is fine. Everything is fine."

Alice: "Did you run up the stairs again? You know that you are not supposed to do that. It isn't good for you and it isn't good for the stairs either."

"This Is Your Life Part 2":

Phil Cucco: "Too bad there aren't enough Alices to go around."

Ralph: "This one gets around pretty good."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Ralph: "We have something that is more valuable than all of what your brother and his wife put together."

Alice: "What?"

Ralph: "Our love. Now shut up!"

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "You are so funny that I am going to put you in my act. I am going to call the act 'Punch & Judy' and you are going to be Judy."

Alice: "And you are going to be Punchy."

Ed: "Punchy. Ha ha ha ha ha."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!"

"Petticoat Jungle":

Ralph: "You are going to wear the bathing suit that I gave you."

Alice: "I can't wear that suit Ralph. It has a whole in the knee."

Honeymooners Movie:

Mike Epps as Ed Norton. Regina Hall as Trixie Norton. Cedric The Entertainer as Ralph Kramden. Gabrielle Union as Alice Kramden.

Ralph & Norton hatch a get-rich-quick scheme to get them out of Brooklyn and onto easy street. Standing by their husbands are devoted wives Alice and Trixie, who help their guys make ends meet by being waitresses at a neighborhood diner.

(Showtime Family, The Movie Channel [aka The Movie Channel East.])

Time Day Channel VCR Plus Code:
Friday, May, 04 12:35 PM Showtime Family 0
Friday, May, 04 10:15 PM Showtime Family 0
Sunday, May, 06 08:35 AM TMC 0
Sunday, May, 06 08:00 PM TMC 291235
Sunday, May, 06 08:00 PM TMCe 291235
Thursday, May, 10 07:00 PM Showtime Family0
Monday, May, 14 06:30 PM TMC 910714

(American Life TV):

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

(The first VCR Plus Code is for the first showing. If possible, the second one is for the second showing.)

Sat. May 5 8p & Sun. May 6, 2007 7p #13 – “Without Reservations”: Ralph's brother-in-law Stanley persuades Ralph and Ed into buying a strategically located hotel along the route of a proposed highway. The highway ends up bypassing the hotel, putting Ralph and Ed out of business but money in Stanley's pocket since he's a construction worker on the new highway. (VCR Plus Codes: 2495/2815.)

Sat. May 5, 2007 11p #14 – “Life Upon The Wicked Stage”: Ralph pairs up with Ed and Alice pairs up with Trixie to enter a talent contest. Alice and Trixie win first place and Alice uses her winnings to buy Ralph the expensive fishing gear he's had his eyes on. (VCR Plus Code: 69921.)

Sat. May 12, 2007 7p & 11p #15 – “Rafitti, Brooklyn Style”: Ralph tries to score points with his boss by collecting money from the drivers at the depot and buying the boss' daughter an elegant watch as a wedding present. Alice and her mother discover the watch and since it's Alice's birthday, jump to the wrong conclusion. Ralph stages a phony holdup to get the watch back but is thwarted when a real crook overhears his scheme. (VCR Plus Codes: 4893/63183.)

Sat. May 12 8p & Sun. May 13, 2007 7p #16 – “Ralph Kramden Presents”: Ralph is asked to invite his celebrity friend that he always brags about, Jackie Gleason, to the annual Raccoons dance. In desperation, Ralph & Ed go over to the hotel that Gleason is staying to try to get him to come. Ralph gets to speak to Carney and Ed gets to speak to Gleason but in the confusion, nobody is invited to the dance. Alice promises Gleason the recipe for her anchovy pizza and he shows up at the dance. (VCR Plus Codes: 3541/7955.)

(Now on for my skit.)

(Ralph & Ed are walking home from the pool hall.)

Ralph: "Boy, those Rangers were lucky to get by those Sabres. I thought they would lose."

Ed: "Me too. I thought the Rangers were done for today, but they proved me wrong."

Ralph: "Now, they haev an even chance of getting to the third round. I only hope the Devils advance too."

Ed: "Yeah, it would be great for this area. Of course, around here there will be more Rangers fans than Devils fans."

Ralph: "Of course. I wonder how many channels the games would be on. You know MSG might televise one of them and at the same time FSN New York will similcast it because they don't want a rival channel having the benfit of showing this game. It's all about competition."

Ed: "TV competition as well as sports. You know something, I was once thinking about becoming a hockey player, then I was discouraged when I was afraid of falling through the ice and sinking in the water. It is kind of ironic considerating that I work with water and I work right under MSG."

Ralph: "Norton, you are an idiot. Now, how about we get together again to watch the next Rangers game?"

Ed: "I can't. I'm getting together with a new friend of mine. He hates hockey."

Ralph: "Who is he?"

Ed: "Well, it's a person you know well."

Ralph: "Who?"

Ed: "Well, it's a person who is also in our building?"

Ralph: "Who is it Norton?"

Ed: "McGarrity."

Ralph (yells): "MCGARRITY? YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER WITH THAT BUM?"

Ed (yells): "LIKE ME, HE LOVES WORKING WITH WATER."

(Ralph chases Ed in anger.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

Credit goes to Yahoo Groups You're A Riot!, Yahoo Sports, moviefone.com, idmb.com, honeymooners.net, & tvguide.com.