"The Deciding Vote":

Ralph: "You are the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a dollar bill on April Fool's Day. I wouldn't."

Alice: "You couldn't."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

(The boys are in the run-down cottage.)

Ralph: "$998, we have been robbed. What are we going to tell the girls? They will kill us. They wil kill us after seeing that place in the showroom. What are we going to do?"

Ed: "If it wasn't January, we can run up from behind them and say: 'April Fool!'"

"Happiness Is A Rich Uncle":

Ralph: "When that girl popped out of the cake, did she see you?"

Ed: "I couldn't tell. She ahd whipped cream in her eyes."

"Oh My Aching Back":

(Ed uses a match to read a thermometer.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, what is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"

Ralph: "98.6."

Ed: "What is a bad temperature?"

Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature..." (yells): "WHAT IS MY TEMPERATURE NORTON?"

Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."

"The Saftey Award":

Man: "How close are you to Ralph Krmaden?"

Ed: "I am as close as anybody can get to Ralph."

"Hot Dog Stand":

Mr. Foster: "Loans are a bank's lifeblood."

Ralph: "Good because we are in desperate need of a transfusion."

"Hot Dog Stand":

Mr. Foster: "What is your mom's maidne name Mr. Norton."

Ed: "Mrs. Norton."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(The Kramdens and Nortons are on the Mike Douglas Show. Beforehand, the makeup lady put lipstick on Ralph.)

Ralph: "Alice and I are always in love. Isn't that right, sweetie?"

(Ralph kisses Alice.)

Alice: "Ralph, are you wearing lipstick?"

Ralph (angerily): "Shut up!"

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

Makeup Lady: "I am accentuationg the blue in your eyes."

Ed (laughing): "'Acceuntuating the blue in your eyes. He he he."

Ralph: "You keep laughing like that and I will accentuate the BLACK in your eyes."