"My Fair Landlord":

Ralph: "The person who lent me this place was an ex-GI."

Alice: "Who was he, Benedict Arnold?"

"My Fair Landlord":

Ed: "Can you paint this place during a time when I am not here like on
a Sunday?"

Ralph: "Why not now?"

Ed: "I can't stand the smell of paint."

Ralph: "Are you kidding me? You work in the sewer all day and you
can't stand the smell of paint?"

"Lawsuit" (Color):

Ed: "I know a person who died from stubbing his toe?"

Man: "Stubbing his toe? How is that possible?"

Ed: "He stubbed it on the Grand Canyon's edge."

"Lawsuit" (Color):

(Ralph is trying to stand on his bad leg while Ed is cracking
walnuts.)

Ralph (yells): "I BROKE IT ALICE! I BROKE IT!"

Alice: "That was Ed cracking walnuts."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "YOU ARE A MENTAL CASE."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(The men are playing poker.)

Ralph: "Why did you raise everybody and then say: 'I'm out.'"

Ed: "I was trying to bluff you out of the pot."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ed: "Bottle #2: Ho (H2O)"

(Ed dumps the H2O in the bowl in a rather unique way.)

Ralph: "Take it easy with that H20. What do you think it is, water?"

"TV or Not TV":

(Ralph is trying to tell Alice that he has more money in is wallet
than Ed.)

Ralph: "I have it here."

(Ralph points to his hip pocket.)

Alice: "You have it here..." (Points to her left hip.) "...you have it
here..." (Points to her right hip.) "...and you have it here." (Points
to her stomach.)

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "What is the first thing that a person has to do if he wants to
sell something?"

Ed: "Well, first they look your name (Ralph's) in the phonebook and
then they try to sell it to you."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ralph: "I'm going to get his job back for him Alice. Tomorrow, I am
going to go down that sewer tomorrow and speak to Ed's boss. there
isn't anything in this world that is going to stop me from going down
that sewer tomorrow."

Alice: "Oh no? There isn't a manhole in this city that you can fit
through."