"A Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":

Ralph: "I got news for you Alice. Your husband is crazy."

Alice: "Okay. So what's the big news?"


"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "Do you realize that at the annual clambake I have the honor
of opening the first clam! And as we take our cruise up the Hudson
River I get to go up to the bridge and steer - as we pass Raccoon
Point."

Alice: "Well golly gee!"

"Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":

Doctor: "I notice that you have a slight limp. Is that disability
permanent?"

Ralph: "No, it isn't. I got it this morning. I hit myself with a
hammer."

Doctor: "You hit yourself with a hammer?"

Ralph: "Don't get the wrong idea. Ed hit my leg with the hammer."

"A Dog's Life":

Ralph: "Gee, I remember when I used to weigh 165. Did you see me when
I weighed 165?"

Ed: "No Ralph. I never did see your baby pictures."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in
the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)

Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"Follow The Boys":

Ralph: "For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a
battle was lost. For one of a battle, a war was lost. For one of a
war...for one of a war...it was all lost."

Alice: "Yeah? Why don't you get lost?"

"Lost Baby":

(Ralph found a "baby" on his bus.)

Ed: "I still say that baby is John Wadamaker's (sp?) baby."

Ralph: "Are you crazy? John is a millionaire."

Ed: "You're right. If he was that rich, he would have left that baby
in a taxi."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ed: "Here's on bottle. H2O."

Ralph: "H2O. Oh, that is pronounced ho."

"$99,000 Answer":

Ralph: "You are jealous and do you know why you are jealous? Because
at this time, tomorrow night, my picutre will be on the front page of
every news paper in the country."

McGarrity: "So will mine for killing you."