"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

Alice: "I read in a magazine once that 50% of pain is mental. 50% of that toothache is here (brain). The other 50% is here (mouth).

Ralph: "For your information, 100% of it is here (mouth). There is nothing up there (brain)."

"Love Letter":

Ralph: "A belt? Pretty small gift."

Alice: "Not with what you have to wrap it around."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ed: "I was born under the sign of Pieces the fish."

Ralph: "You were born under the sign of Pistachio the Nut."

"Young At Heart":

Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what makes you young."

Ralph: "You want to do that? Let's play games that young people play. Let's play house. I will be the daddy and you will be the mommy. All right Mommy CLEAN UP!"

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I am making a list of all my weak points."

Ed: "Oh. Is that all the paper you are going to use?"

"The Loudspeaker":

(Ralph slips on the rock candy.)

Ralph (yells): "ROCK CANDY? WHAT DO YOU HAVE, ROCKS IN YOUR HEAD? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME OR SOMETHING NORTON?"

Ed (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU MAD AT ME FOR? YOU GOT RID OF THE HIC-KOFFS, DIDN'T YOU?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Sleepy Time Gal":

Ed: "Trixie, you want to get upstairs to get some beefsteak?"

Trixie: "Why?"

Ed: "To put it on a black eye."

Trixie: "What black eye?"

Ed: "The one you are going to get if you don't go upstairs and put a beefsteak on it."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Ralph: "I am no crackpot."

Doctor: "Mr. Kramden, we don't use that word. We deal with patients."

(Intercom buzzes.)

Doctor (to the person on the other side of the intercom): "I can't be bothered. I am dealing with a patient."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

Ralph (tring to flatter Alice): "Do you know what a fool I am Norton to be spending my nights out when I have a beautiful wife at home?"

Ed: "At least I got a good excuse."