"This Is Your Life Part 2":

Phil Cucco: "Too bad there aren't enough Alices to go around."

Ralph: "This one gets around pretty good."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage can because it was half-full.
When it's full-full, then I will take it down. That way, I make one
trip instead of tow. Save a trip here - save a trip there. It all
mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the
building."

"$99,000 Answer":

Herb: "What is your wife's name?"

Ralph: "Mrs. Kramden."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "If you write music, you can write any kind of music."

Ed: "Oh yeah? Name me one rhumba that Beethoven wrote."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "I have to get up early in the moring too and you don't hear
me complaining and I have got responsibilities. If I fall asleep, I
am liable to run into something."

Ed: "If I fall asleep, I am liable to drown."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "You are so funny that I am going to put you in my act. I am
going to call the act 'Punch & Judy' and you are going to be Judy."

Alice: "And you are going to be Punchy."

Ed: "Punchy. Ha ha ha ha ha."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!"

"A Dog's Life":

Ralph: "Did you see me when I weighed 165?"

Ed: "No Ralph. I never did see your baby pictures."

"Petticoat Jungle":

Ralph: "That is a medicine ball."

Ed: "You must have to drink a lot of gallonns to wash this down."

"Ship of Fools":

Ed: "I went to Europe once before."

Man: "Did you enjoy it?"

Ed: "No, the Germans kept shooting at me."