"The Deciding Vote":

(Ralph turns on the vaccum cleaner. It doesn't work.)

Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop or erl."

Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."

Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."

"Love Letter":

Ralph: "What was she (Trixie) holding behind her back?"

Alice: "Ralph, really it was nothing."

Ralph: "Alice, you don't hold nothing behind your back. You show it
out in front so everybody can see it. Now, what was she holding
behind her back."

Alice: "All right. She was hiding your birthday present."

Ralph: "Why did you tell me for? You know I like surprises."

"Pal O' Mine":

Ralph: "Is there any lard around here?"

Alice: "Yeah, about 300 lbs. of it."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Ralph: "Even the Constitution says that a man is entitled to life,
liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Ed: "But the marriage license is an amendment to the Constitution."

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Remember last year at the Convention when the police were
cracking down on the people who were throwing water bags out of the
hotel window? That didn't bother me. I just filled up my bags with
water and threw them out."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I almost drowned. The window was closed."

"The Cold":

(Alice is taking the plaster off of Ralph's back.)

Alice: "I suppose you can't take off the top of your pajamas?"

Ralph: "You want to turn the cold into amoania (sp?)."

"Lawsuit" (Color):

Ralph: "You know the condition that I am in. You know that I can't do
anything by myself."

Alice: "How did you get out here?"

Ralph: "Don't change the subject."

"Lawsuit" (Color):

Ed: "I know a man that died from stubbing his toe."

Man: "How is that possible?"

Ed: "He stubbed it on the edge of the Grand Canyon."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Good thing that I have a brain to figure these things out for
us."

Ed: "You sure do Ralph. You can think of smart things to get yourself
out of the dumb things that you get yourself into."