First, I'd declare pizza the official food of the United States! :D

Second, I'd get down to serious business. I would round up all the illegal immigrants in this country and send them over to fight the war in Iraq. I'd bring our men and women home.

I would also fund scientists to find alternative and less expensive ways to get energy so we wouldn't have to rely so much on the Mideast for oil. If those big oil tycoons don't like that, then they can, in the words of Bender from Futurama, bite my fleshy pink @$$! ;)

I would be big on educating our country's children. I'd put more money into schools, offer teachers more money, and make attending school mandatory starting at the age of three and ending at age 18 or when the students earns a high school diploma. No one will be given a diploma unless they show proficiency in all the major subjects. I'd also extend the school year to 200 days instead of 180. Good thing you kids under 18 can't vote! :p

I'd be tougher on crime. There will be a "One strike and you're out!" rule for violent criminals. Mandatory death pnalty for premeditated murder, rape, and any monster who harms a child. People convicted of lesser crimes will do mandatory community service or military service.

English will be the official language. No exceptions.

Health care will be affordable for all.

I'd approve stem cell research to help rid the world of certain debilitating ilnesses, diseases, and disabilities.

I'd take all the money that celebrities and professional athletes make and give it to people who really matter in society, like teachers, law enforcement officers, firefighters, truckers, farmers, nurses, etc.

I would allow the 10 Commandments to be displayed on public property and schools to have voluntary prayer. I wouldn't make Christianity the official religion, but it is still by far the majority and if people don't like that, they are free to leave.

I'd strongly limit welfare to those who really need it most. If you are perfectly able to get a job, then you can go to work.

I'd bring back many jobs that were lost overseas and I would punish companies who outsource to other countries.


I'd encourage small businesses and discourage huge chains.

I'd encourage community pride and discourage individualism.

I would encourage decency laws in the entertainment industry

I would allow gay couples to have the same benefits as straight couples.

I would restrict abortion to only cases involving rape or medical issues.

And finally, I'd make the Red Sox win a few more World Series! :D (Wait, I'm president, not a miracle worker.)