here are some of my favorite "Archie-isms". He was the king of malapropisms in the 1970's. :lol:
A
adult-er-ess (adult female)
air-a-plane (airplane)
Alexander Graham Booth (John Wilkes Booth or Alexander Graham Bell)
a-rhab (arab)
a-ri-ba-du-che (arrivederci)
arterial influction (arterial infarction)
assiatic nerve (ciatic nerve)

B
bamboon (baboon)
bar and girl (bar and grill)
beaurocraps (beaurocrats)
bene-bris (barmitzvah)
bequerred (to give to)
berieve (grieve)
Betsy Ford (Betty Ford)
buttinsky (a person who is nosy)
beauty saloon (beauty salon)
birth patrol (birth control)
bisontonical woman (bionic woman)
Booker Washington Carver (Booker T. Washington or George Washington Carver)

C
chinooka (hanukah)
chinkiepuncture (acupuncture)
circumscribed (circumcised)
constitionalists (constituents)
consecration (concentration)
corpsuckels (corpuscles)
crank pot (crack pot)
cuisini (zuchini)

D
dee-bris (debris)
detergent (deterrent)
detergerate (regurgitate)
den of inquisition (den of inequity)

E
ecrology (ecology)
Edna Saint Louis Malay
Egzavier Coogat (Xaiver Caugaut)
entramanore (entrepreneur)
epilets (epitaths)
exstartled (startled)
eulogy test (urology test)
expensive care (intensive care)

F
female intermission (female intuition)
Fillit Mig-Non (Fillet Mengon)
finixiate (asphixiate)
floorplay (foreplay)
Fred McMahon (Fred MacMurray or Ed McMahon)

G
garlic stones (gall stones)
groinocologist (gynecologist)
german (germane)
geronimous zones (erogenous zones)
groan (groin)
Guatemoola (Guatemala)

H
homosapien (killer ***)
house of ill refute (house of ill repute)
his-mones & her-mones (hormones)
histororical (historical)
hypnosis of the liver (sirrosis of the liver)

I
iminent (intimate)
incremented (cremated)
infilterate (infiltrate)
ipso fatso (ifso factso or vice versa)
ivory shower (ivory tower)
incest (incense)
insex (incest)
intersex (intersect)
invading the issue (evading the issue)

J
jetlock (jet lag)

K
kromo-stones (chromosomes)

L
lufrans (lutherans)
last will & tenticle (last will & testament)
LTD (LSD or Acid)

M
Milton Berlin (Milton Berle or Irving Berlin)
menstrual show (minstrel show)
mental pause (menopause)
minororities (minorities)
mortarfried (mortified)
mouth-to-mouth restitution (mouth-to-mouth recessitation)

N
nave (nieve)

O
orevert (pervert)

P
pillow of salt (pillar of salt)
poke-ya-nose mountains (poconos mountains)
poisbyterians (presbytarians)
premartial sex (pre-marital sex)
prederranged (prearranged)
prioriorities (priorities)
prostate server (process server)
The Pope Diamond (The Hope Diamond)

Q
qualifidations (qualifications)

R
rectal nerve (retnal nerve)
Rosemarie (Stephanie on ABP)

S
saniquarium (sanitarium)
shemoglobins (hemoglobins)
sympathize (synchronize)
strategies of war (tragedies of war)
santy’s ga’nomes (santa’s gnomes)
six thousand dollar man (six million dollar man)
smelting pot (melting pot)
suppository remarks (derogatory remarks)
seventh day adventurer (seventh day adventist)

T
trampaloon (trampoline)
transversive (transvestite)
Typhoon Mary (Typhoid Mary)

U
urology (eulogy)
UFO-CIA (AFL-CIO)

V
veal scallepeepee (scallipini)
venereal (funeral)
Vertizontal (horizontal)

W
wild hornets (wild horses)
weirdwolf (werewolf)
woman's lubrication (woman's liberation)

X

Y
yamaha (yhamaka)

Z
zeberellas (female Zebra's)

Transfaction (transaction)
Marlo Brandon (Marlon Brando)
Richard E Nixon (Richard M Nixon)
Lavene and Shirley (Laverne and Shirley)

Flop Wilson (Flip Wilson)
Dear Abee (Dear Abby)