Steve M.
12-23-2006, 10:08 PM
Happy Festivus, everybody! The aluminum pole is up, and I have my list of pop stars who disappointed me in 2006. The dishonors are fewer and farther between than last year, but no less annoying.
Madonna (no list of Festivus disappointments is complete without her): For refusing to go away and leave us the hell alone. Instead, she went on a tour in which she mocked the Church with her self-righteous crucifixion schitck, and she proved how special she was by bypassing the laws of a sovereign nation and adopting a child without having to live there for awhile. Gee, if the child had been a French-born African, do you think she would have minded living in Paris for awhile? Lilongwe, the capital of Malawi, must be too good for her.
Jay-Z (his passport says Shawn Carter): For numerous crimes, including his plan to steal the NBA Nets (of which he is part owner) from my home state of New Jersey to move them to Brooklyn, coming out of retirement from performing after I was happy that there was one fewer rapper polluting the American airwaves, and that annoying Hewlett Packard computer commercial designed to show us that his life is as exciting as ours are not. Really rubbin' it in there. Oh, and Shawn, are you gonna marry Beyonce Knowles or not? Stop giving her the wedding blues and do it, for crying out loud!
Yusuf Islam. I'm disappointed in the former Cat Stevens for coming out of his retirement for coming out with another mawkish folk-pop record that only served to remind us why we disliked him before he became a Muslim. . . and that "Wild World" really was a fluke.
Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend. For reuniting as the Who and cutting a new album without John Entwistle, Keith Moon, or even Kenney Jones. Guys, haven't you done enough damage to your legacy with all your reunion tours? You're tryingto bring back something that's been dead for twenty-four years! Complain about Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young going on tour and singing nothing but oldies, Pete, but when they advertise CSNY, we get CSNY. And at least David Crosby and Graham Nash are of the right age to play quiet folk songs. Quite frankly, Pete, your guitar-god act doesn't cut it anymore.
The Arctic Monkeys. For all that hype about your debut album being one of the greatest albums ever, then disappearing into irrelevance before most Americans have even had a chance to hear it. You debuted at number 24 in America, then you were never heard from again. Even Cilla Black had a higher profile in this country in the sixties.
Alright, then let's get Festivized. Who's up for a feat of strength? I propose lifting Sean Combs's ego above our heads! :D
Madonna (no list of Festivus disappointments is complete without her): For refusing to go away and leave us the hell alone. Instead, she went on a tour in which she mocked the Church with her self-righteous crucifixion schitck, and she proved how special she was by bypassing the laws of a sovereign nation and adopting a child without having to live there for awhile. Gee, if the child had been a French-born African, do you think she would have minded living in Paris for awhile? Lilongwe, the capital of Malawi, must be too good for her.
Jay-Z (his passport says Shawn Carter): For numerous crimes, including his plan to steal the NBA Nets (of which he is part owner) from my home state of New Jersey to move them to Brooklyn, coming out of retirement from performing after I was happy that there was one fewer rapper polluting the American airwaves, and that annoying Hewlett Packard computer commercial designed to show us that his life is as exciting as ours are not. Really rubbin' it in there. Oh, and Shawn, are you gonna marry Beyonce Knowles or not? Stop giving her the wedding blues and do it, for crying out loud!
Yusuf Islam. I'm disappointed in the former Cat Stevens for coming out of his retirement for coming out with another mawkish folk-pop record that only served to remind us why we disliked him before he became a Muslim. . . and that "Wild World" really was a fluke.
Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend. For reuniting as the Who and cutting a new album without John Entwistle, Keith Moon, or even Kenney Jones. Guys, haven't you done enough damage to your legacy with all your reunion tours? You're tryingto bring back something that's been dead for twenty-four years! Complain about Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young going on tour and singing nothing but oldies, Pete, but when they advertise CSNY, we get CSNY. And at least David Crosby and Graham Nash are of the right age to play quiet folk songs. Quite frankly, Pete, your guitar-god act doesn't cut it anymore.
The Arctic Monkeys. For all that hype about your debut album being one of the greatest albums ever, then disappearing into irrelevance before most Americans have even had a chance to hear it. You debuted at number 24 in America, then you were never heard from again. Even Cilla Black had a higher profile in this country in the sixties.
Alright, then let's get Festivized. Who's up for a feat of strength? I propose lifting Sean Combs's ego above our heads! :D