Top Ten Ways To Make Your New Year's Eve Party More Exciting


10. Anthrax canapes

9. Hire a Hans Blix impersonator

8. Get a Times Square hotel room within heckling distance of Dick Clark

7. Hookers, hookers, hookers

6. Instead of friends, family and neighbors, invite hitchhikers, drifters and runaways

5. Invest in a jigsaw puzzle and thank me later

4. Announce to guests, "One of you won't live to see the New Year"

3. Every male guest automatically entered in a drawing to become Jennifer Lopez's next husband

2. Club soda plus nail polish remover equals homemade champagne

1. Don't invite me