TJL
05-31-2006, 09:16 PM
Here’s a question that’s been bugging me for a long time:
Can a half vampire hot chick in the middle ages settle her long simmering family problems while juggling a thirst for blood, a home life, and a career?
Thankfully, German director extraordinaire Uwe Boll in his latest video game inspired extravaganza “BloodRayne” has come to my rescue!
“BloodRayne” is set in medieval times, when Renaissance fairs were just called fairs, the black plague was still a head cold that was going around, and the peasant blouse looked fabulous on everyone!
Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3) is Rayne, a half human half vampire with gorgeous skin and lots of issues. Other characters refer to her as a “damphir,” and judging by the leather bustier Rayne prances around in, damphir must have been an old English term meaning “woman who lapdances for shiny coins.”
Rayne has a score to settle with her full vampire pop Kagen, a deadbeat Dad who never called or sent the poor girl a birthday card after he slaughtered her Mother.
As Kagen, Academy Award winner Sir Ben Kingsley delivers his lines with the passion and intensity of a man waiting for his car to be serviced at the Jiffy Lube. Apparently all Kagen wants is for his estranged daughter to get her masters and settle down with a nice vampire boy so he can rule the world without all this vendetta mishegoss between them.
Rayne, determined to avenge her Mother’s death and find a top with sleeves teams up with a group of vampire killers who also want to bring down Kagen and restore the countryside the good old days of famine and pestilence.
Led by Michael Madsen (who really should just wait until Tarrentino has another “Kill Bill” for him to be in) and Michele Rodriguez (a pissed off young actress who probably did this movie as part of a community service deal) the good guys duke it out with Kagen’s vampire buddies, and after witnessing the epic battles in “BloodRayne,” it’s obvious all of the people involved in this film took at least one stage combat class at theater camp.
As expected, there is a massive showdown between Little Miss Damphir and Dear Old Dad in the final scene, and believe me, there’s no heart tugging reconciliation, no tearful hugs, no reassuring pats on the shoulder from Oprah, just the Terminator 3 chick kicking serious Ghandi ass!
It couldn’t be sweeter if you ground it up and sprinkled it on my caramel latte!
So to sum up, as much as I hate Uwe Boll and all that he stands for, it’s very refreshing in the world of high tech computer animation to see a film rely on good old-fashioned low budget movie FX, for the prop guys from “BloodRayne” must have worked overtime mixing up gallons of fake blood that spray everywhere with each slash of a rubber mace.
Sure it’s probably easier for some computer geek to whip up a CGI shot a guy getting his head run through with a broadsword, but it takes a true craftsman to make a full size latex replica of a guy’s head that can actually be run through with a broadsword!
What can I say? I’m old school. ;)
Can a half vampire hot chick in the middle ages settle her long simmering family problems while juggling a thirst for blood, a home life, and a career?
Thankfully, German director extraordinaire Uwe Boll in his latest video game inspired extravaganza “BloodRayne” has come to my rescue!
“BloodRayne” is set in medieval times, when Renaissance fairs were just called fairs, the black plague was still a head cold that was going around, and the peasant blouse looked fabulous on everyone!
Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3) is Rayne, a half human half vampire with gorgeous skin and lots of issues. Other characters refer to her as a “damphir,” and judging by the leather bustier Rayne prances around in, damphir must have been an old English term meaning “woman who lapdances for shiny coins.”
Rayne has a score to settle with her full vampire pop Kagen, a deadbeat Dad who never called or sent the poor girl a birthday card after he slaughtered her Mother.
As Kagen, Academy Award winner Sir Ben Kingsley delivers his lines with the passion and intensity of a man waiting for his car to be serviced at the Jiffy Lube. Apparently all Kagen wants is for his estranged daughter to get her masters and settle down with a nice vampire boy so he can rule the world without all this vendetta mishegoss between them.
Rayne, determined to avenge her Mother’s death and find a top with sleeves teams up with a group of vampire killers who also want to bring down Kagen and restore the countryside the good old days of famine and pestilence.
Led by Michael Madsen (who really should just wait until Tarrentino has another “Kill Bill” for him to be in) and Michele Rodriguez (a pissed off young actress who probably did this movie as part of a community service deal) the good guys duke it out with Kagen’s vampire buddies, and after witnessing the epic battles in “BloodRayne,” it’s obvious all of the people involved in this film took at least one stage combat class at theater camp.
As expected, there is a massive showdown between Little Miss Damphir and Dear Old Dad in the final scene, and believe me, there’s no heart tugging reconciliation, no tearful hugs, no reassuring pats on the shoulder from Oprah, just the Terminator 3 chick kicking serious Ghandi ass!
It couldn’t be sweeter if you ground it up and sprinkled it on my caramel latte!
So to sum up, as much as I hate Uwe Boll and all that he stands for, it’s very refreshing in the world of high tech computer animation to see a film rely on good old-fashioned low budget movie FX, for the prop guys from “BloodRayne” must have worked overtime mixing up gallons of fake blood that spray everywhere with each slash of a rubber mace.
Sure it’s probably easier for some computer geek to whip up a CGI shot a guy getting his head run through with a broadsword, but it takes a true craftsman to make a full size latex replica of a guy’s head that can actually be run through with a broadsword!
What can I say? I’m old school. ;)