Lots of crazy things happen in traveling. Just last week I was on a train. There
was a woman traveling with a baby. UGLY baby! I mean, I'm not one to make
comments about anyone's kid--but this was an UGLY baby. A guy walks down
the train--he's half smashed--and he stops. And he stares. And the lady says,
"What are you looking at?" The guy says "I'm looking at that ugly baby." A scene
ensues, whereupon the conductor arrives. He says, "What's going on here?" The
woman says, "This man just insulted me!" The conductor says, "Now calm down
Madam, calm down. We here at the railroad want to make sure that there are no altercations between our passengers and that everyone's trip is as relaxing
as possible. Accordingly, if you allow us, please step into the dining car and the
railroad will buy you a free meal. And maybe we can find a banana for your monkey."

-- Flip Wilson
:lol:

...'tv star collector'. There's a variation of that on the album "When You're In Love, The Whole World Is Jewish" (1966), in the sketch "Discussion In An Airplane". Anthony Holland is the joker who calls Valerie Harper's baby ugly {"I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is an AWARD-WINNER!"},
she gets irate {"OH, you rotten, no-good....!!"}, Betty Walker's stewardess tries to calm things down {"This is an Israeli Airlines flight! Don't fight- play nice!!"}, and tries to appease her {"I'll get you a nice glass tea....a pillow for your head....and I'll also get you a banana for your monkey!"}.

:lol: