Actual Newspaper Headlines

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Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

House passes gas tax onto senate

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

William Kelly was fed secretary

Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

Farmer bill dies in house

Iraqi head seeks arms

Here are some funny newspaper ads:

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month.
References required

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals,
and smacks included.

1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer

Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days.

Free puppies...part German shepherd part dog

2 wire mesh butchering gloves, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15

Tickle me elmo, still in box, comes with it's own 1988 mustang, 5l, auto, excellent condition $6800

Cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale.

'83 Toyota hunchback -- $2000

Star Wars job of the hut -- $15

Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog

Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. unpleasant little dog.

Soft & genital bath tissues or facial tissue89 cents

German shepherd. 85 lbs. neutered. speaks German. free.

Full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. like new. slight urine smell.

Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home.

For sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man)$50

Nordic track $300hardly used call chubbie

:lol: