crystals
02-15-2006, 12:10 AM
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man marries typical
good-looking woman and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and
at what time I want
and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for
dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing when I want with my old buddies
and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules!
Any comments?"
His new bride says, "No,
that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night
whether you're here or
not."
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife have a
bitter quarrel on the
day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When
you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife
are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"You're no good in bed
either!"
and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty
and decides to make amends
and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings,
and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in
bed."
"In bed this early, doing
what?"
She says,
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has
six children and is very proud
of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out
if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack
of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father ofFour."
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the
silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see
why
his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece.
Send this to smart women
who need a laugh........
and to men you think can handle it.
Typical macho man marries typical
good-looking woman and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and
at what time I want
and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for
dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing when I want with my old buddies
and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules!
Any comments?"
His new bride says, "No,
that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night
whether you're here or
not."
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife have a
bitter quarrel on the
day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When
you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife
are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"You're no good in bed
either!"
and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty
and decides to make amends
and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings,
and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in
bed."
"In bed this early, doing
what?"
She says,
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has
six children and is very proud
of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out
if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack
of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father ofFour."
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the
silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see
why
his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece.
Send this to smart women
who need a laugh........
and to men you think can handle it.