I've had this problem since middle school and it's a shame i didn't recognize it back then. I know i have this problem because my grades weren't that great in middle school and high school. I used to have a hard time studying back then and remembering what i studied. I used to have a hard time with science, algebra, geography, art classes. I'm very lucky i graduated from high school because i don't know how i made it through. My father thinks my teachers passed me just so i could get out the school because he said the teachers really don't care about helping the students. I don't agree with that. I think teachers really do care about the students that wanna be helped. Since i've graduated, i've had a hard time keeping a job. I've been fired from a lot of jobs and i'm not proud about it at all. The reason why i've been fired so much is because i don't work fast enough and whenever i'm presented with a challenge on a job, i fail because my brain shuts down when i try to figure things out. When i used to work at a dollar store, my supervisor was gonna put me on the cash register and i got nervous because i thought i was gonna mess up. She never did put me on the cash register even though she said she was. She was gonna train me on how to use it but she never got around to it. One time when i worked at a warehouse, my supervisor tried to show me how to pull a pallet of boxes with a automatic handjack lever out of a box compactor machine. He was gonna show me how to tie the boxes up with wires so i could pull the boxes out. Well i tried to do it several times and i couldn't do it right so he had somebody else do it. When i worked at Walmart, my supervisor was gonna show me how to do the same exact thing with the box compactor and i got nervous because i remembered the last time i was shown how to do that and i couldn't do it right. The only thing i've ever been good at on a job is a janitor and i'm tired of doing that type of work. I want a job making some real money so i can take care of myself.


I stay with my parents at the moment and i'm driving their car that they let me have. I know i'd be homeless if it wasn't for my parents and i'm scared to death of being homeless. If that ever happens to me, i'm gonna kill myself because i couldn't live with the thought of having nowhere to stay, not being able to sleep in a bed, not eating on a regular basis, wearing the same clothes everyday, not having a car. That would scare the sh*t outta me. I don't see how homeless people deal with being homeless. To me it seems like homeless people like the situation they're in because i don't see any of them trying to better themselves. Well i guess they can't better themselves because nobody will give them a job because they don't have a place of residence. Real soon i'm gonna schedule a appointment with a doctor so i can see what's wrong with my brain. I have health benefits now that i have a full time job as a janitor at a high rise apartment building. I've never had health benefits before because i've never lasted long enough on a job. I also have dental coverage at my job but i don't have full dental coverage. The dental coverage plan i have helps me get a discount when i go see a dentist so that way i won't have to pay a lot of money. I want ya'll to pray for me and hope that i don't end up homeless. I've been reading a lot lately which is somethin i haven't done in the past. I've taken my father's advice and started reading because i realize that reading opens up my mind to a lot of knowledge. Maybe a doctor will tell me that i can get help from the government and get a check every month because i can't take care of myself if i don't get help from the government because of my brain problem. If i end up losing this full time job that i have, my life is over because nobody else is gonna hire me right away for a job because my resume isn't good because i've been fired from too many jobs. I've had to lie on my job applications which i'm not proud of. I really do wanna be able to figure things out because i do want a job making $10-$20 a hour. I don't want ya'll to think that i'm a lazy person who's trying to take advantage of the government because i'm not. This is a serious problem that i have. I don't know why my parents won't believe me when i tell them about my problem. My brother believes me though. He said a long time ago that he thinks i have a mental block.

I feel for you Isiah. I really do. I hope you can find out what the problem really is. Maybe it's a problem that can be fixed. Some kids do better in schools than others, that does not mean they are dumb. Some kids do better in an independent study type program than in a school environment. You probably got pushed thru the school system without any one even bothering or caring. That's a shame.


But, I do have to ask you a question. Why is it that it is ok for you to discover that you have a problem, a problem that you know may cause you to not get the kind of work you desire; you may end up homeless and desperate; however, you seem to mention women on your posts that are lazy, no good, baby mamas, etc etc etc and you judge them and bash them without knowing the real reason behind their situation? You seem to bash those in unfortunate situations (homeless, prostitutes, many kids and no man etc) and yet, here you are explaining you are in one yourself and you could end up in a desperate situation.

I don't know Ireneparalegal. That's a good question. I don't know why i diss black women who have a bunch of kids and aren't married, prostitutes and homeless people. The difference between me and them is that i'm trying to do right and they aren't. I really do wanna be helped and be able to use my brain so i can take care of myself. The difference between me and those people i diss is that they don't use their brains. Women who have a bunch of kids know that they shouldn't be doing that unless they're gonna get married but they have a bunch of kids so they can get on welfare. That's what i believe. That's just my opinion. Homeless people who are homeless have probably done drugs and alcohol in the past and they've probably had jobs in the past but they've lost them due to drugs and alcohol or lazyness. Homeless people have probably hung out with the wrong crowd in the past and that's why they're in the situation they're in because instead of reading books and trying to take care of themselves, they'd rather get drunk, smoke cigarettes, weed, drugs, hangin at the club a lot and f*ckin women instead of realizing what's more important. Is being ignorant more important or taking care of yourself so you can live is more important? I think some homeless people choose to be ignorant than try to take care of themselves. I don't drink and smoke. I don't go to the clubs and i don't have a girlfriend because that's not important to me. I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend but i'm tired of being played and used by women so i'd rather be by myself. I don't need any friends either because when you have a bunch of friends, they can bring you down and people are too nosy to me, always trying to get in my business and ask me a bunch of personal questions that ain't none of their business so that's why i don't want any friends. I got one true friend and he's all i need. Him and i have the same interests.

I don't know Ireneparalegal. That's a good question. I don't know why i diss black women who have a bunch of kids and aren't married, prostitutes and homeless people. The difference between me and them is that i'm trying to do right and they aren't. I really do wanna be helped and be able to use my brain so i can take care of myself. The difference between me and those people i diss is that they don't use their brains. Women who have a bunch of kids know that they shouldn't be doing that unless they're gonna get married but they have a bunch of kids so they can get on welfare. That's what i believe. That's just my opinion. Homeless people who are homeless have probably done drugs and alcohol in the past and they've probably had jobs in the past but they've lost them due to drugs and alcohol or lazyness. Homeless people have probably hung out with the wrong crowd in the past and that's why they're in the situation they're in because instead of reading books and trying to take care of themselves, they'd rather get drunk, smoke cigarettes, weed, drugs, hangin at the club a lot and f*ckin women instead of realizing what's more important. Is being ignorant more important or taking care of yourself so you can live is more important? I think some homeless people choose to be ignorant than try to take care of themselves. I don't drink and smoke. I don't go to the clubs and i don't have a girlfriend because that's not important to me. I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend but i'm tired of being played and used by women so i'd rather be by myself. I don't need any friends either because when you have a bunch of friends, they can bring you down and people are too nosy to me, always trying to get in my business and ask me a bunch of personal questions that ain't none of their business so that's why i don't want any friends. I got one true friend and he's all i need. Him and i have the same interests.
There are so many people in this world who are homeless and it is not by choice most of the time. Some are mentally disabled. Some are vets, who don't get the assistance they are so entitled to after serving our country. Some are people who lost their only income and they were already living paycheck by paycheck. Some became physically disabled. Some are women who left an abusive relationship and have no one to turn to. Some are drug addicts or alcoholics. Some are children who were abused at home and they ran away to get away from that. Some are children who were raped, molested or told to leave home. Some are people who lost their homes in a fire and have nothing left. Some are people like you who had a mental problem that didn't allow them to get a better job and they lost their apartment and ended up homeless.

I agree with everything you said. I'm sorry i didn't see it that way. I feel so sorry for all the people in New Orleans who lost their homes to the hurricane and are now homeless. That was so devastating. Being homeless is the worst feeling in the world and i know i couldn't cope with that if i were homeless.

I'm really sorry about your situation, Isiah, and I hope you do find out what's going on. We'll all be thinking about you.

I'm really sorry about your situation, Isiah, and I hope you do find out what's going on. We'll all be thinking about you.


I know this isn't really the proper post to bring this up, but I really love your new username. "#9 Dream" is one of my favorite solo Lennon songs. It is very powerful.

I know this isn't really the proper post to bring this up, but I really love your new username. "#9 Dream" is one of my favorite solo Lennon songs. It is very powerful.



Thanks :D I agree-- it is definitely one of John's best solo songs. I just had to use it here somehow :p

I need to get some help from somebody. My father doesn't have the patience to go over school problems with me and teach me things because he gets so upset if i don't comprehend what he's trying to teach me. He's shown me how to change a flat tire numerous times on my car and if i was to get a flat tire right now, i still wouldn't know what to do. The only thing i have a problem with changin a flat tire is knowing where to put the jack to jack the car up. If i was to have a flat tire right now and i asked my father to help me, he'd get a damn attitude and be cursin at me because i still don't know how to change a flat tire. That's exactly why i wanna move outta my parents house because i'm tired of my father cursin at me and getting upset at me if i do somethin wrong or i can't comprehend and remember the things that he teaches me. He hasn't cursed at me in a long time and our relationship is a little bit better now but before we used to have a terrible relationship and i used to hate him so much. I get depressed sometimes and lately i've been thinking about suicide because i'm tired of the way my life is and i know it's never gonna get any better. The government isn't gonna help me and the government doesn't care about poor people and they never have. My mom told me she thinks i should go to community college and take a class but i told her there's nothin at school i'm interested in and i'm not gonna waste my time when i know i have a mental problem. I think i need to be tutored one on one instead of taking a class around people. I remember when i used to stay with my grandfather, i was so depressed because i was workin a part time job and i was catching the bus to work. Part time cleaning job was the only job i had at the time because i couldn't find a full time job. There would be days when i would go without food because i was getting paid every other week and the money i was getting wasn't enough to take care of myself. I was thinking suicide then but then i figured i would never be able to kill myself with a gun because i would never be able to afford one because i can't get a job making real money.

Isiah, I don't understand. You have an excellent memory in entertainment, and you are a rap purist. You seem to memorize those things, but in general you say you have a hard time figuring things out. I don't want it to sound like you have a mental problem, which I am sure you don't, but go see if you can get a brain scan.

GarfieldKool my parents say the same thing you said about i can memorize stuff about entertainment but why is it i can't remember stuff about school and figuring things out on a job. I don't know why my brain operates like that. That's strange to me that i can remember stuff about entertainment but my brain shuts down when i try to figure things out to help me take care of myself. What is a brain scan gonna do GarfieldKool?

It sounds like, only from what you have posted Isiah, that it really is some sort of learning disability. There are some people who can memorize certain things with no problem and then when it comes to ordinary everyday things, it gets lost. Sorry your dad has no patience. It must be hard for you. Cursisng and stuff is definitely not the way to handle things. Your father is probably more angry with himself for not being able to help you.
I know there is something you can do to check out your learning disability, but seeing that you are in a different area, I don't know where to recommend you go to.
Sometimes people have learning problems and it is something as simple as being diagnosed with an eye problem, hearing problem, etc. My teen daughter has done poorly in school, but her teachers always said she is capable of getting "A's". So, after struggling, we finally put her in independent study and she is getting all "A's". Her mind doesn't allow her to focus in a large classroom. she also has eyes that when she reads, her eyes work TOO HARD to read, causing her headaches and eventually, she loses focus (mentally). She now wears glasses that ease that problem with her eyes and she can read without a problem.

Yeah Ireneparalegal my father is terrible at trying to help me with my problem. He has the nerve to cuss at me and try to give me advice about how to save my money but he won't even put gas in his car. He'll drive for days and let his gas get down to E and when he does put gas in the car, he'll put only about $5 in the tank. How in the hell is he supposed to get around on $5 worth of gas? LOL. He has to go to work 5 days a week and his job is far from where he lives. So why would he put $5 in the tank knowing he has to get back and forth to work? He asked me last week have i been saving any money. I told him no. He asked me what have i been spending my money on. I told him food, gas, music cd's, movies. He got upset when i told him i buy cd's. He said i can't keep doing that because i need to save my money. He acts like i'm spending my money on drugs and alcohol. What am i gonna save my money for? I'm never gonna get my own place and i'm never gonna get another car so there's no point in saving my money. I'll save my money to get my car fixed but that's it. My father wants to start a landscaping business and he wants me to help him by giving him money to start this business but i don't wanna do that because i've helped him a few times do landscaping work for people and he's cursed at me and gotten upset when i've done somethin wrong after he's showed me what to do. I don't wanna be bothered with helping him do landscaping because he doesn't know how to deal with me. He just gotta curse at me and yell at me when i do somethin wrong and i'm tired of that. Since he's so damn smart, why hasn't he figured out by now that somethin is wrong with me mentally? One time when my father was helping me change a flat tire on my car in public, he cursed at me and yelled at me in front of people. I couldn't believe he did that. I told him to lower his voice because a couple of people heard him but he didn't stop. My mother has gotten on his case about he needs to stop cursin and yelling so much but he won't stop. He's calmed down lately but he still does it sometimes because i've heard him and my mom arguing sometimes. My mom has threatened to leave him several times but she hasn't because i think she's scared to divorce him. My father got a job offer from BET when my parents, brother and i first moved to Virginia in 1987. Did you know he turned down the job because he said they weren't gonna pay him enough? I couldn't believe that. My father used to have a job as a television cameraman in Cleveland at a tv station before he moved to Virginia so i figured when BET offered him the job doing the same thing he was doing in Cleveland, he would've taken it. He hates the job he has now. I think he would've liked workin at BET if he would've given it a chance.

It sounds to me like your father expects better from you at your age. I think he probably expected you to set a better pace and he seems frustrated.

Yeah he does expect for me to do better than what i'm doing but he doesn't understand what i'm going through. He'll never understand. He told me he wants me to advance to a better job position but i just shake my head because he just doesn't get it. He thinks i'm making this up that i have a mental problem but i'm not. When i first told my mom and him about it, he said he thinks i'm just lazy. I'm not lazy at all.

I tried to apply for a job as a bread delivery person at Wonder Bread but you have to have a CDL license. I tried to study for the CDL test and i figured that i wasn't gonna pass the test so i quit studying for my license. My father tried to teach me how to drive a stick because his truck is a stick. I just couldn't drive a stick even though he showed me plenty of times how to use the clutch. I really hate the fact that my brain won't allow me to focus and concentrate so i can remember things. I applied for a job as a delivery person delivering packages but the catch is i gotta use my car and i gotta know how to read a map. I'm not good at reading a map so i decided that i didn't wanna do that job. Plus i had a change of heart about the job anyway because i didn't wanna put a lot of mileage on my car.