What is it and why?

MY FAVORITE QUOTES ARE (ANDY TRAVIS)"WHERES THE COKE" (DOUG WINTER) "I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS CARLSON PUTS IT ON HIS FEET"

TWO OF THE FUNNIEST QUOTES IN TELEVISION HISTORY!

[This message has been edited by APPLEI (edited 03-30-2001).]

Almost any line in the history of this show could be considered an awesome quote. BUt I think my fave is not only the best from this show, but from the history of the medium:

"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

[This message has been edited by coily2 (edited 04-04-2001).]

Originally posted by APPLEI:
MY FAVORITE QUOTES ARE (ANDY TRAVIS)"WHERES THE COKE" (DOUG WINTER) "I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS CARLSON PUTS IT ON HIS FEET"

TWO OF THE FUNNIEST QUOTES IN TELEVISION HISTORY!

[This message has been edited by APPLEI (edited 03-30-2001).]

That's my favorite too, but it goes on to get funnier:

Andy: Where's the Coke?
Doug: I don't know. I guess Carlson puts it on his feet.
(Doug leaves)
Carlson: (stomping foot) I've lost all the feeling in my leg. I must be hooked, Andy!
Andy: No you're not, Mr. Carlson
Carlson: (hitting foot with I think his shoe) I'VE GOT A MONKEY ON MY FOOT!!!!


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"Well, Laverne is sort of childish" -Shirley

"Childish? Childish? Coming from a grown woman who throws tea parties for her stuffed cat!" -Laverne

"Well at least I don't sew L's on everything I wear!" -Shirley

"Well that would be pretty stupid considering your name's Shirley!" -Laverne

my fave quote is from the ep. with the tornado and mr. carlson says osmthing like "well andy it's all over now" and andy turns 2 him and says "hello!" now that struck me as comedy. i laughed u should 2 lol

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Hey, y'all! If u r one of my cool dude frieds (Kelly, Gia, Myra, and Angie), then I have 2 things 2 say 2 u:
* I laughed u should 2 lol
* Bedilia's bitch, let's beat her with the uglier stick
LOL! Let's do the Mini HaHa dance! That was from u Myra!
*~Kaitlyn~*

I've always remembered how Les misprounces Chi Chi Rodreguis as a favorite line.

One of my favourite quotes is from Dear Liar...

Andy to Bailey: "there's Washington Post integrity and there's WKRP integrity... this is the station that has employed Herb Tarlek for the last 16 years... don't talk to me about integrity!!"

It's funnier when you see it in context.. but either way, what a great line. Gary Sandy's delivery is great too.

In one episode, a harried Herb messages his temples and sighs:

"What does a stroke feel like?"

:lol:

From "Fish Story" when the police officer comes with the reflex test to show the effects of alcohol.

Officer: You have obviously built up a super-human tolerance to alcohol.
Johnny: Yes, it's true, it was once sort of a hobby

"Baby, If You Ever Wondered"

Carlson shows his ideal station blueprints-

Jennifer: What's this little area over here?
Mr Carlson: That's a little place where I can go, and nobody knows where I am.
Jennifer: A think tank.
Mr Carlson: Yeah, that's it. It's not a hiding place.

"Pilot, pt2"

Johnny: Hang onto your brains, fellow babies, this is Doctor Johnny Fever and have I got a contest for you! First prize is, you don't have to die! Second prize, a pocket comb!

"Preacher"

Johnny: I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California!

Johnny. "Somewhere over the 9th floor"

Les (dont remember the ep) - "A news reporter is always FULLY cocked."

i know this is an old post/thread but i would like to contribute a couple of fave quotes:

"three out four teenagers in america today think that check berry was the host ogf the gong show." JOHNNY FEVER

"i'm not sure what macho means, but whatever it is...i'm it" HERBERT R TARLECK JR

"on the air?...i am the air!...i am the wind!...thanks for the lid, art." VENUS FLYTRAP

"good day and may the good news be yours" LES NESSMAN

Johnny (after the ratings book comes out) "Look what I'm doing with teenage boys"

Bailey (to a radio consultant) "I'm in charge of paper. If you have paper you bring it to me"

Venus (on Herb's suit) "Some where out there is a Volkswagen without seat covers"

There are some others

When they switched to Rock 'n Roll

Johnny - BOOOOOGGGGGEERRRRRR

lol

I hadn't seen this thread before, here's one of my afvorites.

I don't remember the specific episode this is from, but after hearing Les mention the hog futures on the news Johnny said, "Hogs have futures, I don't."

I hadn't seen this thread before, here's one of my afvorites.

I don't remember the specific episode this is from, but after hearing Les mention the hog futures on the news Johnny said, "Hogs have futures, I don't."

Thats from the pilot episode (Pt 1)

FRom the election episode after Baily informs Carlson, Les & Herb about councilman Tilman falling over into his lasanga during some type of Armenian banquet, Les simply asks "Why are Arminian's eating lasanga?"


And who can ever forget the Shady Hills Memorial Home Commercial?

I can't remember the exact lyrics, but I believe one of the lines is:

"There's no way to deny it
Some day, you're gonna buy it?"

And of course "Red Wrigglers, the Cadilac of Worms"

And now that I tink about it, there is also a classic scene where Carlson inadvertedly blows up a rubber raft in his office and can't figure out how to deflate it. So he takes a letter opener and is about to stab it when Andy walks in. "Sacrificing rafts are we?"

And although not necessarily funny perhaps my favorite quote of the entire series. From Dr. Fever & Mr. Tide:

There comes a time when you gotta dance. But that doesn't mean that you can't dance to something good.

Damn, now I'm gonna hve to track down my VHS collection cause I'm in the mood to watch the gang again.

One final one: The entire section of "Venus and the Man" where Venus uses a street gang analogy to teach this gang member about the atom.

"Continuity is always important, thank-you for always being a jerk." - Bailey to Herb

___

Johnny: "Well after 10 drinks I'm finally drunk. I have just personally seen a big pink pig. He's currently painting the lobby."

HWY Patrol Man: "Clearly the words of someone who is intoxicated."

Johnny: "Yes and I'm not feeling so bad myself." (keels over.)

I've always remembered how Les misprounces Chi Chi Rodreguis as a favorite line.
:yeahthat I remember Les added something about Chi Chi had a 9 under par and hoped he'd play up to par next time! :rofl:

so many great lines, hard to choose...so off the top of my head:


Les To Johnny: "Hogs...Communists...think about it"

Johnny To Herb : "Herb, you're party was peverse"

Les To Johnny: "Johnny, I've been violated"
Johnny's retort: "Congratulations, it's about time"

Johnny: "Speed kills Del"

and basically the entire diolouge in "Real Families"

Les' "pick-up" line to Jennifer - "Hi, I'm extremely wealthy." :rofl: Game, set, match to Les.

From Hold-Up, where Carlson, Andy and Les are in the booth listening to the hold-up at Del's shop, and Herb walks in, very smug, saying that everything's going just as he planned it.

Carlson: "I want this man killed. Slowly. And painfully. That's how I want it."

As Carlson and Andy leave, Herb looks puzzled and Les give him a stern look.

Next we see Carlson driving in a hurry, because one of his employees is in trouble. IIRC, the scene goes that Andy asks him what are they going to do when they get there, to which Carlson replies they're going to see the man with the gun. After a brief pause, Carlson turns the car around and goes back the way he came.:woohoo:

but after hearing Les mention the hog futures on the news Johnny said, "Hogs have futures, I don't."

That's one of my favorite quotes, too. :cool: :D

Jennifer (to Herb): "His sex life is his own business." Herb: "Surre. You'd say that."

Andy: [to Johnny] We've got a playlist. You should play the list. We've gotta play some Top 40 hits, don't we? Why, sure we do. Yet you have yet to play a single hit off the playlist all week. Play the playlist. Play a part of the playlist! Play one song off the playlist! Play a part of one of the songs off the playlist!

Johnny (singing): "Daylight coming, me want to throw up."

Les: "Johnny, Venus, you're alive?" Johnny (sarcastic): "The newsman's eye, you just can't fool it."

(The Scum of the Earth Band members have just thrown the bellboy out the window)
Band-member - "What floor are we on?"
Johnny - "Ground floor!"
Band-member - "Pity!"

(After Herb falls off the ledge in "Les on a Ledge")

Jennifer - "I saw Herb this morning."
Johnny - "How is he?"
Jennifer - "Oh, he's a little doped up but he'll be fine."
Johnny - "Same here!"

Herb quote:

This one is from Hotel Oceanview.

Jennifer: Mr. Carlson, I have to go to lunch now.

Mr. Carlson: O-Okay, fine.

Mama Carlson: Uh, Jennifer. Who answers the phone when you're at lunch?

Jennifer: Usually I just leave it off the hook.

Mama Carlson: You think that's wise?

Jennifer: I don't know. It was Mr. Carlson's idea.

From "God Talks To Johnny"

Johnny: It's 8:45 in Cincinnati. That was one record, here's another one.

-----

Andy: Hey Doc!

Johnny: Morning.

Andy: Morning

Johnny: Morning, morning, morning!

Andy: I was uh listening to you coming to work this morning.

Johnny: Yeah?

Andy: Yeah, very bright, very, very up.

Johnny: Thank you.

Andy: Are you uh taking narcotics?

Johnny: No man, this is on the natch. I feel fine.

Loni Anderson and the pause button.

Johnny: (on air)"All right, Cincinatti, it is time for this town to get down."

Venus: "That's a mean little mama."
Mr. Carlson: "You bet."

Johnny: How can you do that? How can you put a dollar value on your sister's company? And, more importantly, how much?

Andy: Thirty bucks.

Johnny: What's wrong with your sister?

Les: "Oh my God, they're turkeys!...Oh the humanity...The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement."

Johnny: (on the air) "For those of you who've just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with turkeys. Film at eleven."

Mr. Carlson: "As God is my witness I thought that turkeys could fly."

Del: "I've been checking around. I don't see how you guys can do these commercials so cheap."

Johnny: "Oh, you'll understand when you see the response you get."

Bailey: "Jennifer, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna cry."
Jennifer: "Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public."
Bailey: "Then I'll cry in my car on the way home."
Jennifer: "That's the way men do it."

And then Johnny plays a random record as he's distracted by a letter from his daughter. Andy: "That's a hit! He's playing a hit! Hey everybody, he's playing a hit!"

I remember that. The song was The Eagles' "The Long Run."

Les: (on air)"Meanwhile, in Philadelphia, local fighter nearly beaten to death."

Herb: "You know what we call problems in sales? We call them opportunities."
Mr. Hopkins: "Les, your friend is a twit."

Venus Flytrap: [Fever runs into the booth and hides behind the coat rack] What are you doin', man! I'm on the air!

Dr. Johnny Fever: Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!

Venus Flytrap: Oh, no! Close the blinds before he sees us!

Andy Travis: [Walks into the booth] What have I told you guys about goofing off when one of you is supposed to be on the air?

Dr. Johnny Fever: Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!

Andy Travis: Oh, no!

[slams the door and hides with Fever]

Andy: "Herb is a hose pail."

Arthur: "I think I'm already in the bag, Herb."

Andy: "Herb, I'm going to punch you right in your polyester heart."

Johnny: "I'm gonna need a stick of dynamite to get this thing open."

(Sirens are heard.)
Johnny: "They're comin' to get me, man."

[at a record store hosting a WKRP remote broadcast]
Herb Tarlek: Del, goshdarnit I've got to go, but if you need anything, anything at all, I'll be in my car somewhere.

Johnny: "I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California!"

Herb Tarlek: It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person.

Arthur: "He does have good hair."

Bailey Quarters: Have you noticed all the men in Landersville are going bald? I wonder if there's a nuclear power plant in the area.

Jennifer: "That's why I like you, Herb. You have such a way with words."
Herb: "Hey. I'm in sales."

Les Nessman: [saying that Bailey shouldn't produce the show] This isn't the Ohio State School of Journalism, this is the big time.

Les: "...I'm a very confused man."

Jennifer Marlowe: Mr. Craven I would like to ask you a question about the phone company.

Lillian: "Beggars can't be choosy."

Lillian: (looks at watch)"Well, in that case, if you'll excuse me, The Brady Bunch is on."

Andy: We have a responsibility to our listeners!

Frank: "We're not talking about right, we're talking about the law."

Johnny: "Once the Republicans got in, everybody switched to downers."

Andy: "Johnny and Venus' nut spots are working!"

Herb: "....I'm tired of bein' the only person around here without a shred of human decency."

Dr. Johnny Fever: Do you have enough money to feed yourself?
Les Nessman: Yes.
Dr. Johnny Fever: I don't, can you loan me some money?
Les Nessman: No.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Can you loan me some food?

Jennifer: "There's a dead man in the lobby."

Johnny: "That is deeply weird, man."

[after an elderly couple has broken into the DJ booth]
Dr. Johnny Fever: All right, you two, up against the wall! I don't what you want but you should know I've killed a lot of old people in my time. And I'm not above doing it again.

Herb: "It wasn't beautiful!"

Herb: "Look, Les, you can't build a relationship on sex alone."

Johnny: [after hearing the sirens] It's the phone cops. They know what I did here today.Venus: What are you talking about?Johnny: They're coming to get me, man!Venus: That's paranoia, man!

Venus: "It's lonely in the middle, too."

Herb: "Our fate, packaged in a brown paper wrapper."

Herb: (to Bailey)"You don't have to go out there and try to sell time with a book."

Les: "Bad book. I can just sense it."

Herb: "Let's face it, Les, your audience is dying off."

Herb Tarlek: "It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person."

Les Nessman: [saying that Bailey shouldn't produce the show] This isn't the Ohio State School of Journalism, this is the big time.

Jennifer: "It's a pink frog."

Johnny: "How about morphine?"

Herb: "It's bad luck to take advice from insane people."

Dr. Johnny Fever: Do you have enough money to feed yourself?

Venus Flytrap: I only came downtown to have one of my suits serviced.
Dr. Johnny Fever: I'll bet a suit like that stays in the shop most of the time.
Venus Flytrap: I got suits I can't get parts for.

As God is my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly! "Arthur Carlson"

Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: [Showing Les how to ask Jennifer for a date] This is how you do it: What do you say, beautiful, you and me getting it together tonight. You only go around once in life, so why not grab a little gusto?
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: I don't like little gustos, Herb.

"Doug Winner: [dials phone in studio after Johnny leaves] Murray, this is Winner.
[pause]
Doug Winner: Hey I don't care what time it is, we had a deal!
[pause]
Doug Winner: Now I better see you up here today or you can just forget it!"

Del: I've been checking around. I don't see how you guys can do these commercials so cheap.
Johnny: Oh, you'll understand when you see the response you get.

Bailey Quarters: [to Johnny, about the 'win a date with a DJ' contest] Look at all this mail, you can't back out now! Venus, you talk to him.
Venus Flytrap: Sure. Hey, Johnny man, it's no big deal. See, all you have to do is pick out a lady, and the station picks up the tab for the whole night!

Les: "All newsmen drink, Jennifer."

Les: In the top story of the day, General Wallace Nasami, head of the emerging nation of Nibia, denied his new government was a dictatorship and promised free elections as soon as each citizen of the small country learned to play a musical instrument.

Johnny: "Greetings, fellow teammates! Say, where is center field?"

Johnny: "And, uh, this incredibly beautiful woman to my left."

Dr. Johnny Fever: I'm Andy Travis, glad to meet you, (pointing to the real Andy Travis) that's my brother Randy and that's old Venus of course.
Venus Flytrap: Of course.
Dr. Johnny Fever: [referring to Dave] We don't know who the mountainoid is.
Dave: Name's Dave.

Herb: "What's a stroke feel like?"

Les: "Looks like the roosters have come home to roost."
Bailey: "That's one way of putting it."

Bailey: (to Herb)"See what greed got you?"

Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek:
You know what we call problems in sales? We call them opportunities.

Johnny: "We don't know who the mountainoid is."

Arthur: "A certain salesman I know is gonna suffer."

Venus: This is WKRP in Cincinnati, with more music and Les Nessman.

the funniest line of the entire series: "As god is my witness I thought turkeys could fly".

Herb: Boy, where have you been?
Jennifer: Out with other men, Herb... letting them have their way with me.

Venus Flytrap:
[Fever runs into the booth and hides behind the coat rack] What are you doin', man! I'm on the air!

Dr. Johnny Fever:
Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!

Venus Flytrap:
Oh, no! Close the blinds before he sees us!

Andy Travis:
[Walks into the booth] What have I told you guys about goofing off when one of you is supposed to be on the air?

Dr. Johnny Fever:
Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!

Andy Travis:
Oh, no! [slams the door and hides with Fever]

(Les against Bailey producing the news show)

Les: "This isn't the Ohio State School of Journalism, This Is The Big Time!"

Andy: Heat, there's no heat!
Johnny: No kidding there's no heat! It's because Mr. Carlson's mother is here. She walks in, everything freezes. She is the Ice Queen! She has powers beyond any mortal woman!

Herb:

Jennifer: Why Herb, this is a really fine French wine!
Herb: Is it? Well, I told the guy to give me the best he's got in the store without going over fourteen bucks.

Jennifer, Herb and Andy:

Les: Somebody must have jimmied the lock!
Johnny: [looking where Les's walls would be] Jimmied it? I think they took the whole door!

Herb:

Umpire: "Saaafe!"
Arthur: "I should hope so."

Les: "This is Les Nessman saying 'So long, and may the good news be yours.'"

Herb: "Okay fine."

Les: This is news, Sternworthy.
Howard Sernworthy: Which makes it all the more surprising that you're here.

Johnny: "Actually this is where the concept of happy feet originated."

Andy: We have a responsibility to our listeners!
Johnny: Right! If I die, who's gonna teach the children about Bo Diddley?

Hirsch: "Fever... You're the DJ who's caused her so much discomfort over the years."
Johnny: "Yeah."
Hirsch: "Please make yourself comfortable."

Lillian: (to Johnny)"Profit is not all that important."

Johnny: "A mother's love... Boy, I'll tell you."

Andy: (drunk)"Mrs. Carlson... I'm tired of all your crud."
Venus: (drunk)"Yeah." (Venus falls to floor.)

Andy: "I got. Four things that I want to say to you."
(Lillian talks to Andy.)
Andy: "Number two." (He falls to floor.)

Herb: She threatened to set the whole city on fire by setting matches to my suit.
Bailey: Herb, did you order those petitions?
Herb: No. What do you think of that?
Bailey: Andy, do you have any matches?

Herb: You know what we call problems in sales? We call them opportunities.
Mr. Hopkins: Les, your friend is a twit.

(Les is attacking Herb, who's fighting back.)
Andy: (sarcastically) "Herb, will you quit pickin' on Les?"

Les: "First of all, why are we here on this planet?"

Song on radio: "And argue so badly I could..."

Radio reporter: "But the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity."

Venus: "Somewhere out there, there's a Volkswagen with no seats."

Herb: "It helps to know the secretary."

Arthur: (repeated line) "No comment."

Herb: "This politics stuff is fun."

Arthur: "Herb, would you get down on your knees with me and pray for guidance?"

Arthur: "My fellow Americans... Good night."

Some lines from the theme song:

Baby, if you've ever wondered;
Wondered whatever became of me.
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati.
Cincinnati WKRP.

Herb: "Cowabunga, Uncle Bob, who's the broad?"

Elaine Parker: "That's it for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Watch us next week on Real Families, when we go to New York City. He's a Cuban bandleader, and she says she's an average redheaded housewife."
Phil Tarry: "But is she really?"

Venus: You never went to college.
Johnny: Hey man, I went through Princeton!
Venus: I'll bet.
Johnny: I did. It was in a car. A squad car, actually. Very, very educational.

(Last line of the series.)
Herb: "Andy, you nut. I mean, you skipped out on your party last night, but we got you now."
(Herb trips on Les' tape recorder and falls forward....)

Herb: "...I'm just tryin' to be the best darn father I can be."

Bailey: "...I'm just in it for the money, if you know what I mean."

Andy: "...he has Genghis Khan for a mother."

Andy: Mr. Carlson, we have got big trouble.
Mr. Carlson: Uh oh, mother's on her way!
Andy: It is not your Momma. It is worse than Momma.
Mr. Carlson: Worse? What could be worse than Momma?

From "A Family Affair":

Andy (on air): Hello. Venus Flytrap is not here this evening. However, a very good friend of his will be taking over: Apollo Flytrap. So, take it away, Apollo.
Apollo (Andy in goofy German voice): Yes, this is the laid back soul sound. Let's listen to some really HEAVY rhythm and blues. Once again, this is the laid back soul sound of WKRP in Cincinnati!
Helen Reddy: ♪ I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR... ♪

Apollo: Yes, and the mellow sounds just keep on coming! Here's another record for all my soul brothers out there. You're listening to WKRP. Hey, let's get FUNKY!
Joan Baez: ♪ THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE DOWN ♪ ♪ AND ALL THE BELLS WERE RINGIN' ♪

[Venus is showing off his flashy wardrobe]

Venus Flytrap:
I only came downtown to have one of my suits serviced.

Dr. Johnny Fever:
I'll bet a suit like that stays in the shop most of the time.

Venus Flytrap:
I got suits I can't get parts for.

Arthur: "I've got a monkey on my foot!"

Les Nessman: “When someone plays mind games with Les Nessman, they're walking on thin ice.”

Arthur: "I've got a monkey on my foot!"

"Good heavens ... I'm hooked!"

Les Nessman: “When someone plays mind games with Les Nessman, they're walking on thin ice.”

Johnny:

Bailey: Jennifer, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna cry.
Jennifer: Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
Bailey: Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
Jennifer: That's the way men do it.

Johnny: "Weird as usual."

Johnny: "Sounds like Father Fun."

Les: "In the larger sense, are any of us free?"

Venus: "Who was that masked man?"

Johnny: "Life continues to be a mystery."

Les: "This happened before the concert started, Herb."

Johnny: "That's what they call a 'stampede'."

Arthur: "Excuse me. I don't feel so good."

Venus: "It's that damn general admission seating."

Venus: "A black man in a mask in public. I don't know about that."

Arthur: "We're a rock and roll station, Venus, and we're gonna stay that way."

Arthur: "Ahh, this is a good town, Venus. We're responsible people here."

Venus Flytrap:
[Carlson is talking with Venus in the control room the night after the tragedy, as he is on his way to the memorial service] Are we going to go back to playing supermarket music?

Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson:
[softly] No, Venus. We're a rock and roll station, and that's where we're going to stay.

[turns to leave]

Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson:
Good night, Venus.

Venus Flytrap:
Good night.

[final lines... cut to epilogue denoting tragedy over camera shot of window overlooking outside downtown area]

(First line of the series.)
Herb: "'morning, Jennifer."

Andy Travis: “It’s a good thing I had an extra pair of jeans in my office.”

Arthur: "First you censor a word, and then you censor the idea."

Arthur: "That decision was made by one man."

Johnny Fever:

Andy & Les:

Andy Travis: “It’s a good thing I had an extra pair of jeans in my office.”

Jennifer:

Buzzy Milker:
[leering at Jennifer] I'm not as old as I look.

Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe:
[amused] Really? Are you any richer than you look?

Jennifer: "What's on your mind, Herb?"
Herb: "You. Always you."

Arthur: "...I'm looking for companionship."
Herb: "Who isn't?"

Les: "When I want a woman, I can get one."

Les: "I'm a... complicated man. I need a complicated woman."

Herb: "You know how long fate takes."

Venus: "I'd like to meet the computer."

Andy: "Herbert, I do not need a compueterized service to help me find girls. I meet 'em the old-fashioned way. I pick 'em in bars."

Lorraine: "Well, that's even better than this computer dating scam. I'm not complaining... It sure beats working the street."

Les: "I always meet girls the old-fashioned way, you know. In bars."
Lorraine: "Well, that works."

Les: "Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum."

Andy: "She sure was a looker."
Les: "A what?"
Andy: "She was good looking."
Les: "Yes. Yes, she was."

Les: "Enjoy your evening, Herb."

Andy: "All my life I have seen these kind of people at work; my aunt and uncle were like this and I'm here to tell ya, I have never seen a group of people who were so sure
they were right about everything, and so sure everybody else was wrong."

Andy: "... it's called the free enterprise system and it works pretty well."

Arthur: "I hope so. Because I don't think you're gonna be able to trust your friends."

Arthur: "Strange town, Cincinnati."

Herb: (to Jennifer)"Come onnn. We need dinero, muy dinero."
Jennifer: "Herb."
Herb: "Hmm."
Jennifer: "In Spanish that means 'very money'."
Herb: "I knew that."

Bailey: "Herb, you're such a jerk."

Arthur: "Listen, Venus. How do things look in the black community?"
Venus: "Oh, the same old thing. Big lush lawns, manicured hedges... Livin's easy. Fish are jumpin', cotton oh about so high..."

Les: (suspiciously)"Why are Armenians eating lasagna?"

Venus Flytrap: [Fever runs into the booth and hides behind the coat rack] What are you doin', man! I'm on the air!
Dr. Johnny Fever: Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!
Venus Flytrap: Oh, no! Close the blinds before he sees us!
Andy Travis: [Walks into the booth] What have I told you guys about goofing off when one of you is supposed to be on the air?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!
Andy Travis: Oh, no!
[slams the door and hides with Fever]